Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page."
Clerk: "Please hold for Dr. Stat."
(15 seconds of ONJ's 1980 hit "Let's Get Physical")
Dr. Stat: "Dr. Grumpy? Hi, this is Suzy Stat over at Local ER. I'm a new doc here. Anyway, I have a guy who needs to establish with a neurologist, and I have you down as on call."
Dr. Grumpy: "I am, what's up?"
Dr. Stat: "Nothing big, he moved here and has a history of seizures. He hasn't had a chance to find a doc yet, and so came in here looking for a refill and referral name before he ran out."
Dr. Grumpy: "That's fine. Give him my info and a few days of meds and I'll get him in this week."
Dr. Stat: "Great. Where's your office? Isn't it south of here?"
Dr. Grumpy: "No, I'm in downtown Grumpyville."
Dr. Stat: "Oh... He lives on the south side and doesn't have a car. He needs a doc he can walk to."
Dr. Grumpy: "I..."
Dr. Stat: "Could you, like, rent an office on the south side to see him? He likely only needs to come in once a year or so."
Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, no. He can take a bus, or Lyft, or Uber, or whatever."
Dr. Stat: "But as the ER on-call doc you're obligated to see him."
Dr. Grumpy: "Correct, and I'm happy to do so this week. But I only have one office, and that's where he'll find me."
Dr. Stat: "Is that allowed?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Yes."
Dr. Stat: "They never teach you these things in training."