Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Overheard at the nurse's station
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"BITCH! You're the worst nurse ever! Get the fuck out of my room! But first, get me more morphine!"
A Blog detailing the insanity of my medical practice and the stupidity of everyday life.
Welcome to my whining!
This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients, or my everyday life, or anything else may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. I could be making all this up. I may not even be a doctor. The only true statement on here is that I probably drink more Diet Coke than you do. A lot more.
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Twitter fans- you can follow me @docgrumpy
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
21 comments:
How about "No......"?
Oh yeah, and HAPPY NURSE'S WEEK! LOL
"The worst nurse ever doesn't know where the morphine is. Sorry."
and she is probably the worlds worst nurse because it isnt time for his morphine! been there.....
Sir: I will be back very soon with lots and lots , I mean lots of morphine, don't you worry you will have so much you will never want for more..................heheheheh
New FDA guidelines say . . . . no MORPHINE FOR YOU!
Or soup, either. Thank you, Seinfeld.
BTDT...
It doesn't pay to piss off your nurse, dude!
Sweet neg, dude! You're well on the way to becoming a pickup artist!
The idea being that she'll be so rattled that she'll bring him morphine without noticing that he's not actually a patient at the hospital?
"I'm here in the hospital because of a repetitive strain injury I sustained from leaving comments on Internet message boards. Why do you ask?"
"I'm here in the hospital because the biker gang I buy my drugs from found something objectionable in the manner in which I requested my eight ball. Why do you ask?"
Press Ganey is king.
"I'm here in the hospital because my skydiving instructor is a complete moron who can't take a little constructive criticism. Why do you ask?"
There's a wonderful book on raising teenagers called, "Get Out Of My Life, But First Will You Take Me and Cheryl To The Mall?"
Sounds like a teenager there.
"I'm here in the hospital because- well, let's just say I'm never eating at Benihana again. Why do you ask?"
Cripes. I've had a few - very few, but a few - bad nurses in my time, but I've always simply asked another nurse, or a nursing assistant, to get the nursing supervisor or floor nurse and ask to be switched nurses.
And when I've screamed for morphine, it generally went: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Along with some begging for someone to just kill me already.
"Get me more morphine!"
Yeah, unless you're dying, there's pretty strict rules about that. So no.
yeah, no morphine for you.
Sorry. My hearing aid went off when I heard someone say a bad word. What were you saying, dear? You need to use the loo? You have a Foley, let me just how that is working for you.
Best doctor order ever. No joke. This was an order. " pt is drug seeking, don't call me for more narcotics"
Our daughter is a pharmacist at a 24 hour pharmacy attached to a major hospital. Every time we talk she has a few more "drug seeking patient" stories.
Including forged prescriptions, "husband/wife stole my medicine" stories, you name it.
Some are funny, in a horrid way. Some are pretty sad.
The saddest, I think, was a doctor (in another system) who tried to forge a prescription using his wife's in-system access. Ended up with an ethics investigation and a suspended license for him. Nearly cost him his marriage and his career.
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