Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Summer Vacation, day 13

This afternoon they had a balloon drop in the ship's atrium.





They announced that some of the balloons would have prizes in them, so the floor under the net was packed with people ready to kill each other for whatever meaningless trinkets were in them. It looked like it could get ugly. It may be the only time some of these people would ever use the Ulu knives they'd just bought.

And, of course, the twins were down there somewhere, ready to kill for a cheap lanyard. I stood up on the 7th floor to watch.

After the appointed countdown, the free-for-all began. With balloons popped and the blood spilt, the twins were jumping up and down with something they'd managed to snag (I was sort of hoping it was Mrs. Bitchy's wallet).

They came running up the stairs with a rolled-up paper with a rubber band around it. Had we won a free cruise? A chance to drive the boat? Dinner at the deluxe restaurant? We carefully opened it.

It was a coupon for $15 off a $280 spa package.

Craig spilled my Diet Coke all over it. We left the mess there and went for ice cream.


Teenage boys are an interesting species to travel with, primarily for their ability to giggle and point out certain patterns they see


In nature:





Near the theater stage: 




 Even in the dining room breadbasket:



We got a starter of fried calamari tonight. I thought it was good, but Frank (at least he was brave enough to try it) didn’t like it, and spit it into his napkin.

There’s an old trick of hanging a spoon on the end of your nose, and for whatever reason, in the formal dining room tonight, my kids felt the need to practice it. The boys weren’t particularly successful, but Marie got it right. The trick ends when the spoon inevitably falls off... and in this case it went down the front of her dress and got caught in her bra.

Without thinking she pulled down her shirt to get it, exposing her developing cleavage to those around us. A kid at the Limoncello table stopped singing "Happy Groundhog Day" and yelled "TOM! LOOK!"

Craig, being a gentlemanly brother, graciously grabbed a napkin off the table to help cover her up. Unfortunately, it was Frank's napkin, and sent his hunk of chewed calamari flying down after the spoon. Marie screamed and jumped up, knocking her chair backwards with a crash. The spoon landed on the floor. The piece of masticated squid bounced onto the table. Craig spilled his water. Frank stood up as his phone started playing Amish Paradise. Marie, in frantically trying to pull her shirt back up, somehow unhooked her bra, and it fell down under her dress. She grabbed it off the floor and ran to the restroom, crashing into Parmesan-cheese-grater-guy.

Sigh.

There’s a line in the 1981 movie “The Four Seasons” where, following a fight between 2 men kicking a taxidermied moose head into a fireplace, Rita Moreno asks aloud “I wonder what other people do on their vacations?”

This is one of those moments that I ask the same thing.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Marvelous story! I can see it all happening! :-D
Who of the Grumpy family was doing the best lobster imitation (blushing)?

ER's Mom said...

Crying while reading this outloud to ER's Dad.

Anonymous said...

This is my favorite blog.

J said...

Ulu knives make great pizza cutters.

Anonymous said...

OK, I just spit out my coffee I was laughing so loud. And they've closed my office door. Yes!

Anonymous said...

I bet Moose could help Marie out with some lessons. . .

Anonymous said...

Dear God, I want to be on the same boat as your family some day.

Anonymous said...

I'm betting your mom and Mrs. Grumpy were likely hiding under the table by the time Marie's bra hit the floor.

bobbie said...

I can just picture the scene at the dinner table... hysterical!!
And I agree about Moose giving Marie some lessons!

Anonymous said...

Oh Dear - I have been laughing so hard reading about your family vacation. Thank you so much!

HeroHog said...

I CAN'T BREATHE! STOP IT!
Seriously, I thought I was gonna literally die laughing!

Mage said...

Just delightful....way too real.

Anonymous said...

Dang that Amish Paradise has to show up at the most inopportune moment, but by now it's like a virtual teddy bear; Amish Paradise --theme music for the Grumpy Summer S.F. Cruise Vacay (and, Moose was there . . . ) Sorry, dear Moose, this sounds like something you'd be involved in as well as the Grumpy Tribe vicariously or otherwise.

gloriap said...

I think your cruise and other family stories would make a hilarious book. My husband is sitting nearby watching NOVA and wondering what I am giggling about. I agree with Anon I, I'd love to run into you all on a trip.

Moose said...

Spoon on the end of the nose, you say?

A. Marie said...

Have you ever thought of selling the kids to a reality show? Honestly, if you had any of this on video, you could name your price.

C said...

we go hiking... nothing like this ever happens. You take your dogs with you; there are no waiters; no one wears dresses; there are no spoons.

 
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