That's true. You're absolutely right.

Dr. Grumpy: "Hi, I'm Dr. Grumpy. Have a seat. Now..."

Mr. Ross: "Hello. Are you happy and well today?"

Dr. Grumpy: "As much as I'll ever be. So what can I do for you?"

Mr. Ross: "You mean you're not happy and well today?"

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm fine, thank you. What brings you in to see me?"

Mr. Ross: "Perhaps I can help. Here's a free copy of my self-help book, called 'Are You Happy and Well Today?' "

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, thank you, but back to..."

Mr. Ross: "I've self-published it, and it's available on Amazon. You can get a discount for bulk orders if you want to give out copies to your patients, or put them out in the lobby. It's also available on Kindle and as an audiobook, read by me."

Dr. Grumpy: "Thanks, but let's get back to your appointment. What..."

Mr. Ross: "You don't seem very happy today."

Relevance

"More than once I was at the station seeing trainloads of Jews being transported, seeing all these faces over the top of the wagon. I remember, very sharply, one little boy standing with his parents on the platform, very pale, very blond, wearing a coat that was much too big for him, and he stepped on the train. I was a child observing a child."

"We saw young men put against the wall and shot, and they'd close the street and then open it, and you could pass by again... Don't discount anything awful you hear or read about the Nazis. It's worse than you could ever imagine."

 - Audrey Hepburn (1929-1993) on living in the Netherlands during the Nazi occupation.

Seen in a chart

 Great moments at a teaching hospital:

Soup

Here in the frigid Midwestern winter, soup is always popular. Currently it's just Mrs. Grumpy and I, so it makes for an easy dinner. Heat up the soup, put out a baguette, and we're good.

Today I noticed our favorite brand of soup was on sale at a good price, but, as usual, you could only buy 6 cans per person.

We have this down to a science. We each have the store's app on our phone and clip the digital coupon. I go to the store with 2 re-usable bags, fill each one with 6 cans, and then check out twice, using a different phone number each time (which is what everyone else does, too).

I went over to the soup aisle. The only other person getting soup was some crone in a robe and slippers who looked like she'd escaped from the day room.

So I picked out 6 cans and set one bag in the cart, then started to fill the second bag. I'd put one can in it when...

The Crone: "You have 7 cans."

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, yeah."

The Crone: "The limit is 6 cans."

Dr. Grumpy: "Am I not allowed to buy more?"

The Crone: "You can only get 6 on the sale price. You have 7. I can count, you know."

Dr. Grumpy: "Look, there is no limit to how many cans I can buy, just how many I can get at the lower price."

I turned away, picked out another can. The Crone kept glaring at me. I began to wonder where her orderly was.

The Crone: "I know what you're doing."

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm buying soup. Do you work here?"

The Crone: "No, but you don't fool me. I'm watching you. I know your type."

 

Seen in a chart

 

Thank you, Lee!

New Year's Day, 2025

"What matters most is how children feel about their uniqueness once they do begin to realize that they are different from everyone else. How each one of us comes to feel about our individual uniqueness has a strong influence on how we feel about everyone's uniqueness - whether we grow into adults who rejoice in the diversity of the world's people or into adults who fear and resent that diversity."

- Fred Rogers (1928-2003)

My reader's write

Dr. O is a psychiatrist, who says:

Occasionally patients make threats towards others. When that happens we're required to inform the individual in question.

In this case the patient was in the hospital, and had threatened pretty much his entire care team, including the surgeon who'd recently operated on him. So I had to call him, too.

Dr. Scalpel: "This is Dr. Scalpel, returning a  page."

Dr. O: "Hi, I'm the psychiatrist taking care of Mr. Haldol, who you saw last week. I just wanted to let you know he's been making statements about killing you."

Dr. Scalpel: "Oh, I signed off on him over the weekend, so he really isn't allowed to be doing that, if you could have psychiatry let him know."

Dr. O: "I am the psychiatrist, and I'm just calling to let you know he threatened you. Whether you signed off doesn't matter to him."

Dr. Scalpel: "Well, you'd think it should. Anyway, you should probably consult psychiatry to evaluate him, and let him know I signed off."

Dr. O: "Yes, that’s me. I'm the psychiatrist."

Dr. Scalpel: "He probably needs a psychiatric diagnosis."

Dr. O: "Yes, I'm addressing that."

Dr. Scalpel: "Yeah, that should happen, so consult psychiatry on him."

Dr. O: "I'm just informing you of what he said. Have a good day."

Dr. Scalpel: "Thanks, don't forget to consult psychiatry on him."

 

As of the time of this writing, me and the nurses are taking bets on whether Dr. Scalpel orders a consult for psychiatry.

The aunt did it

 

Seen in a chart

 

Mary's desk

Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."

Ms. Soap: "Hi, I was referred to you, and I need to get in right away. Dr. Tacky was sending over a referral."

Mary: "Hmmm, that hasn't come over yet, but the fax machine has been busy. I can schedule and call you back if there's an issue?"

Ms. Soap: "Oh, thank you!"

Mary: "Okay, let's see... Actually our 9:30 patient for tomorrow morning had to cancel a few minutes ago, will that work?"

Ms. Soap: "That's perfect! Thank you!"

Mary: "Okay, we will see you then."

 

Ten minutes later

Ms. Soap: "Hello?"

Mary: "Hi, this is Mary, from Dr. Grumpy's office. You made an appointment a few minutes ago?"

Ms. Soap: "Yes, did you get my referral?"

Mary: "I did, but it says you're supposed to see a neurosurgeon, not a neurologist. Dr. Grumpy is a neurologist, so he's not who you're supposed to see."

Pause

Ms. Soap: "So he's not the kind of doctor I was referred to?"

Mary: "No ma'am, I'm sorry. I can give you names of some..."

Ms. Soap: "And. You. Waited. Until. The. Day. Before. My. Appointment. To. Call. And. Tell. Me. This?"

Mary: "Ma'am, you just made the appointment 10 minutes ago."

Ms. Soap: "That's beside the point. And you also - deliberately - didn't tell me when I made it that Dr. Grumpy isn't the kind of doctor I'm supposed to see."

Mary: "I didn't know that until the referral came in. I told you I didn't have it yet."

Ms. Soap: "You people suck."

Click

Seen in a chart

 

On call

Guy walks in, comes up to front desk.

Mary: "Hi, can I help you?"

Pete: "Hello, I'm Pete, I have an appointment with Dr. Grumpy at 1:45."

Mary: "Okay, let me have you fill this out... pens are over there... Can I get a copy of your insurance card?"

Pete: "Sure."

He hands over his card, starts doing the form.

Mary: "Oh, you work for Deuce Brown Plumbing. That's a big company, I think you guys have been to my house a few times."

Pete: "Yeah, we have people all over Grumpyville. I'm covering for this part of town today. Here's your form back."

Mary: "Thanks, here's your card back. Have a seat and the doctor will be out in a few minutes."

Pete sits down, picks up a magazine. His phone rings.

Pete: "Deuce Brown plumbing, this is Pete... Yes... A septic tank? Yeah, we... yeah, that doesn't sound good... overflowing out into your living room... hang on. Excuse me, uh, Mary?"

Mary: "Yes?"

Pete: "Can I reschedule my appointment? Sorry, but I have a work emergency. A lady has..."

Mary: "Yeah, that's fine. Why don't you take care of her, I understand. You can call back later."

Pete: "Thanks... I'll be there in about 15 minutes ma'am... yeah, uh, I'd probably take the dog outside and hose him down..."

Pete ran out of the office.

Okay

Dr. Grumpy: "Are you allergic to any medications?"

Mrs. Leavening: "Yeah, I don't know what it's called, but there's something they put in bread that makes me fat."

Guessing Games

Dr. Grumpy: "Hi, folks, good to see you again, been a few years. What brings you in today?"

Mrs. Corn: "I wanted to get my MRI results."

Dr. Grumpy: "Hmmmm... I don't show that I've ordered an MRI on you for around 5 years."

Mr. Corn: "She had one last week, and we've been waiting to hear the results."

Dr. Grumpy: "I don't see that I ordered it. Who did?"

Mr. Corn: "We thought you did."

Dr. Grumpy: "No... What was it of anyway?"

Mrs. Corn: "I think it was my head."

Mr. Corn: "I thought it was your back."

Mrs. Corn: "I don't know, it was a body part. Do they do stomach MRI's?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Where did you have it done?"

Mrs. Corn: "Local MRI, across the street."

Dr. Grumpy: "Mmm... Nothing there on you for a few years."

Mr. Corn: "Maybe it was the place over on the north side? You know, the one with the MRI machine?"

Mrs. Corn: "I thought that place closed."

Mr. Corn: "Oh, maybe it was the one downtown, can you look there?"

Dr. Grumpy: "No, I only have access to the Local MRI system. Do you have it written down?"

Mrs. Corn: "It's on my desk at home. I didn't think you'd need to know that, since you ordered it."

Dr. Grumpy: "I didn't order it. What other doctors have you seen recently who may have ordered it?"

Mr. Corn: "We have them written down on the calendar on the fridge. I figured all the records were in the system."

Dr. Grumpy: "Maybe their system, not mine. You should probably check your recent appointments to see which doctor may have ordered it, and contact that office."

Mrs. Corn: "That seems like a lot of work. Wouldn't it be easier if you just ordered another MRI?"