Thank you, Lee!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Life in America
Thank you, Lee!
Corey Hart, where are you?
Mrs. FosterGrant: "Well I don't feel any better! I have a horrible migraine today. Look at me! I'm even having to wear my sunglasses indoors!"
Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, you don't have sunglasses on."
Mrs. Fostergrant: "I don't?" (feels face, then rummages through purse, puts on sunglasses) "Now I do! See? I feel awful!"
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Mary, bring me a strong drink
Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy."
Dr. Webster: "Hi, I'm the hospitalist taking care of Mrs. Migraine, and I have a question about your note."
Dr. Grumpy: "Okay."
Dr. Webster: "This morning you wrote: 'Brain MRI didn't show an ominous cause for her headaches'."
Dr. Grumpy: "Yes?"
Dr. Webster: "What does 'ominous' mean?"
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Wednesday
Mr. Funky: "I'm not happy about this."
Dr. Grumpy: "Not happy about what?"
Mr. Funky: "My visit co-pay. I paid $25 the first time I came here, and then another $25 at my last visit, and now I'm going to have to pay another $25 today. That's $75 to see you for the same damn problem."
Dr. Grumpy: "I understand, but I don't set your co-pay."
Mr. Funky: "It should be one co-pay covers all visits for the year, or something."
Dr. Grumpy: "Your insurance company is the one who decides your co-pay, not me."
Mr. Funky: "Yeah, but I bet you're sleeping with some insurance company bitch."
Junior Achievement
Craig: "Dad, can we stop at your office? I need to use the copy machine for my homework."
Dr. Grumpy: "Sure. What's up?"
Craig: "Marie got a homework-free pass she's going to use tomorrow, and I want one, too."
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Patient quote of the day
2-for-1
Mr. Scheele: "Great! It knocked them right out. But I need another tank."
Dr. Grumpy: "They should last a while... How often do you have to use it?"
Mr. Scheele: "Oh, not that often. It's for my dog. He has lung problems, and it's cheaper to get a tank through you than my vet."
Monday, January 9, 2012
Weekend at Grumpy's
Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page."
RalPh: "Hi, my name is RalPh, and I'm a patient of Dr. Brain's. I need a refill called in for my Sarcasma, and his office never called me back on Friday."
Dr. Grumpy: "That's fine. What's your pharmacy number?"
RalPh: "867-5309."
Dr. Grumpy: "Okay, I'll call it in right now."
Hangs up, dials 867-5309.
RalPh: "Local Pharmacy, this is RalPh. Can I help you?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Um, didn't I just talk to you?"
RalPh: "Yeah, I'm a pharmacist. You calling in a script?"
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Be prepared
Most of us are used to the concept of time zones. Central Time, Pacific Time, whatever. You move a few hours up or down depending on how far east/west you are.
Boy Scout Time (BST), however, is a time zone that has absolutely no basis in reality. Here's how it works:
Some guy allegedly in charge sends out an email/phone message/smoke signal/semaphore flag that we will meet in the parking of local church/school/mortuary at 7:30 in the morning.
7:25: Grumpymobile containing Frank, Craig, and I shows up, joining 1-2 other cars.
7:30: Nothing happens.
7:38: Guy who sent email out shows up, makes lame excuse.
7:40: Two more cars show up.
7:45: 3 other cars show up, one forgot something (like a kid), goes back home for it.
7:47: Guy who sent email wanders around trying to do a head count and complains about people being unreliable.
7:48: Single mom shows up, blames her ex for giving her the wrong time.
7:50 Another car shows up. Driver asks if we want anything from Starbucks, then leaves to go get his own.
7:51: Guy who sent email starts calling people who aren't there but had confirmed. 50% of the time he gets voicemail, 50% he wakes them up.
7:55: Person who left to get something from home is back.
8:00 Guy who went to Starbucks returns. Got my order wrong.
8:05: Email guy finally gives up, announces everyone should follow him to the day's activity, discovers he left address at home, calls and wakes up his wife to look for it on the kitchen counter.
8:15 After we all leave, insane parents who showed afterwards call and ask as to come back to the parking lot so they can follow, too. Email guy makes an illegal U-turn to go back, and we all follow him. Because we are morons. And the local traffic cop turns on his lights and siren.
And this is how Boy Scout Time works.
Friday, January 6, 2012
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