Monday, December 11, 2023

Up front

Several months ago Mary and her family got a new puppy. He's still a puppy, but these days he's a 70 pound puppy.

He has a lot of energy.

She and her husband both work, and the kids are in school, so for a few hours each day Monster puppy and his den mates have free run of the kitchen and family room, with a doggie door when they want to venture out. The other dogs are older and sedate. Monster is anything but, and began randomly destroying things he found (toys, clothes, furniture, wall hangings, light fixtures, Amazon drivers, etc.).

So, since Mary spends her office day staring at a screen scheduling my victims patients, she hooked up some cameras and a speaker in the dog area at home. So now she sits at work and keeps an eye on Monster, occasionally telling him to get off the couch or stop mangling the postman. The other 2 dogs don't care, but the effect on Monster is hysterical. He looks up and around in terror, like people in old movies when God speaks to them.

Anyway, one afternoon last week Mary was doing her usual thing. She'd just checked in a new patient, who'd picked up a copy of "Good Housekeeping" and sat down in the lobby. She was then rescheduling another patient when she happened to glance up at the corner of her screen and saw Monster in the process of destroying one of her kid's toys.

Without thinking she grabbed her microphone and yelled "YOU DROP THAT RIGHT NOW AND GO OUTSIDE!!!"

The elderly woman in the lobby startled, dropped the magazine on the floor, and ran out of the office in terror.

She hasn't come back.


juvat said...

Hilarious! We’ve got a similar situation when inheriting my Sisters 3 dogs, 2 Great pyrenees and a Golden Retriever. One of the GP’s is a pup. He plays a similar game with the Golden and our own three dogs all older. Might have to try a system like that.
But, again, thanks for the chuckle!

Bonnie said...

Oh, that poor woman! I hope someone called her & explained. Tho it was funny.

Anonymous said...

That is the funniest thing I've seen for a while! I feel bad for the elderly woman, but still funny.

Mad Jack said...


Love it!

We had a pet store that featured a verbose, talking myna bird. The bird sounded quite real, and when you walked in the door it would often yell, "Get outta here!"

Sometimes people would leave.

BobF said...

Somewhere in that is a test of sorts.

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard, I spit out my lunch. Thank you for the laugh!!

Anonymous said...

Oh my. I'll be chuckling all day thinking of that poor woman scuttling out of the office, and Mary's mortification as she realized what went down, and Monster pup and the Voice of God.

Anonymous said...

Loved the use of "victim" as I would ask my technicians exactly that, as in "who's our next victim"...but also would say directly to the client (my patients were dogs and cats) "C'mon down, you're our next contestant"!

Shash said...

That poor woman.

A friend has a mischievous thief of a cat and she rigged something similar. Only when the cat hears the voice, he knocks the camera off it's feet. Smart kitty.

Packer said...

I had a Border Collie, a breed notoriously industrious if not kept first night reading the owner’s manual it said Border Collies must be exercised and entertained 365 days a year, hot cold wet windy snowy or dry . What did I get mysel into.
For the next 12 years I threw myself into the task, up at 5, 4 miles at pace, repeating 2 miles after work. 1 million frisbee tosses.That pup was so well behaved it was incredible. He was the happiest most affectionate pup ever. Just before he passed he told me that he had written the book and I had acquitted myself well. I have since learned that this works on virtually every breed.

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