Monday, April 22, 2019

11:38 p.m.

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page."

Ms. Papaveraceae: "Hi, I'm a patient of Dr. Brain's, and I ran out of Percocet. My pharmacy number is..."

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm sorry, but I don't call in controlled drugs after hours. You'll have to contact Dr. Brain's office on Monday."

Ms. Papaveraceae: "But I really need it!"

Dr. Grumpy: "I can't call in any narcotics. What I can call in is..."

Ms. Papaveraceae: "But I can't take anything else because of religious reasons. I belong to a small sect that worships poppy flowers, so..."

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm not calling narcotics in."

Ms. Papveraceae: "So you're discriminating against me on the basis of my religion? I will get an attorney and..."

Dr. Grumpy: "Have a good night."



Anonymous said...

Holy crap, she needs to change to the Church of Mary Jane. Much more available for her to worship. Maybe even cheaper.

Anonymous said...

She wouldn't be bothering the physician to call in a script for Mary Jane, either. But, when she runs into a moose at midnight while going out for munchies, ER will ask for a sample in a cup.

Packer said...

I was wondering how you became the legendary Dr. Grumpy,

Fleance Porschley Neckradish said...

"Next year in Kabul."

Anonymous said...

"But everyone is over at my house for the Seder, and there's no afikoman!"

Anonymous said...

"It's in trying times like these that I gain strength by reading my favorite scriptural passages from 'Naked Lunch.'"

Anonymous said...

"Don't you hang up on me, Poppydammit!!!"

Anonymous said...

"And I'll be excommunicated if I take aspirin, because for the last 3000 years our bitterest enemies have been the Willowites."

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