Sunday, September 27, 2009

Saturday, 11:57 p.m.

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page."

Ms. Narc: "Yeah, I'm a patient of Dr. Notoncall. He has me on Vicodin, and I'm all out"

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm sorry, I don't call in controlled drugs after hours"

Ms. Narc: "But I'm hurting!"

Dr. Grumpy: "You'll have to call his office on Monday, or go to urgent care or ER if your pain is that bad."

Ms. Narc: "But I can't make it until then! I hurt all over!"

Dr. Grumpy: "I can't call in these pills for you. Sorry"

Ms. Narc: "Ummmm... But I don't need pills! Yesterday I had one of those, uh, gastric bypass surgeries, like the fat guy on TV once did, so I need liquid Vicodin. So it's not a pill. You can call that in, right?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Good night" (hangs up).


The Good Cook said...

She had her surgery yesterday and was already out of pain meds? Whoa.

Anonymous said...

Good Lord, and Sweet Jesus (it is Sunday, after all).

At least she didn't tell you she had an extensive hair transplant operation yesterday, like, umm, what was on T.V.

Sparky said...

But you'd said orginally that you can't call in controlled drugs!

Oh my. People are getting silly (like you're right handed patient from yesterday!)

Love youre blog by the way :D

Anonymous said...


Bonus points for pimping a different dose form.

Was she drunk?

If she had gastric bypass, girlfriend would be in the hospital screaming at the nurses, not drunk dialing you.

auffer said...

I have to wonder how Hippocrates would've handled our epidemic of drug seeking behavior and "ailments" like Fibromyfakegia.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Auffer- He probably would have abandoned medicine and gone to cosmetology school.

ER's Mom said...

You know, Hippocrates WAS a beauty school dropout.

Cue cheesy music...


Grumpy, M.D. said...

ER's Mom: Ah yes, the song in Grease: "Beauty school drop-out, go back to med school" or something like that.

Flavius said...

Everyone knows liquids can't be controlled, I mean, how would you sell that on the street?.. I mean.. crap! *hangs up*


JimAtTheRez said...

LOL, give her credit for thinking fast. She does get an A for creativity and entertainment value.

Chris said...

Can you sell me heroin? I mean, that's not a pill or really a liquid, so you can call that in, right?

Nurse K said...

Gotta love the midnight referral to ER for chronic-pain Vicodin refill. *Furrows brow*

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I know, K, but legally I have to give them an option. I knew this one wouldn't go. And she didn't.

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