Sunday, April 14, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
WHY? WHY? WHY?
Mr. Whack: "I write with my left, but masturbate with my right."
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Phone calls
Mrs. Coordinate: "I'm calling to update my address, you have the wrong one."
Mary: "Okay, let me look this up... I show you as living at 42 N. Fred Gwynne Drive."
Mrs. Coordinate: "Yes, that's correct."
Mary: "All right, so it looks like we do have the right one."
Mrs. Coordinate: "NO, you DO NOT have the right one. Otherwise I wouldn't have gotten this bill with the wrong address on it!"
Mary: "But how did you get the bill if it had the wrong address on it?"
(pause)
Mrs. Coordinate: "I guess you do have the right address. Never mind."
(click)
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Great moments in research
I suppose there are a lot of oddball studies out there. Competition to get published is stiff, so you need eye-catching hard data to penetrate journals.
But this upstanding one just gave me the giggles.
It was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, better known by the acronym PNAS.
Dr. Mautz's co-authors included Drs. Wong and Peters, of Melbourne.
And, inevitably, Dr. Peters' first name is........ Richard.
Thank you, SMOD!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
DANGER! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!
Bizarrely enough, this includes the most common liquid on planet Earth: water.
Yes water.
And this is the actual warning label that comes with water:
So, as per the last paragraphs, let's keep these important points in mind:
1. If you accidentally get water in your eyes, IMMEDIATELY flush them with more water for 15 minutes.
2. If you accidentally drink water, induce vomiting.
3. If you get water on your skin, wash it off with soap and water.
4. If the water catches fire, extinguish it immediately with something "appropriate."
5. And always call poison control if you drink water! It says so!
Thank you, Webhill!
Monday, April 8, 2013
Whatever
Dr. Grumpy: "Didn't you tell me earlier that you smoke?"
Mrs. Adenoca: "Yes, 2 packs a day."
Dr. Grumpy: "And you don't think that causes cancer?"
Mrs. Adenoca: "You guys lie about that, too."
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Friday, April 5, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Wednesday
Mr. Needsglasses: "Wow. That long? I can't believe it."
Dr. Grumpy: "Yeah, it looks like you were last here in 2003."
Mr. Needsglasses: "Had no idea. 10 years. Boy, doc, you haven't aged well. You look awful."
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Today's contest
So, let's all try to think of some creative captions. Here's a few to get started:
"Yes, nothing makes you smile like matching his & hers pelvic floor stimulators."
"Crank it up and we'll REALLY start swinging."
"These go to eleven."
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
It's fun to stay at the A.N.Z.C.A!
Normally I don't pay attention to ANY meetings. Not even the ones in my own specialty, let alone someone elses' on the other side of the International Date Line. But my reader Rebecca (thank you, Rebecca!) brought this one to my attention.
All these meetings are composed of various lectures and workshops you sign up for, and this one is no different. Here's a sampling of the exciting courses available:
If anything sounds more stimulating than a course on coagulation management, I don't know what it is. Oh wait, I do. A can of Diet Coke.
But if you scroll farther down the list, there IS a stimulating course:
Of course, caffeine isn't the only thing you can learn about at the meeting. If your anaesthesia machine (the one that goes "ping!") is all tuned up, why not work on...
After that course, a few cups of coffee, and a bathroom break you'll be ready to move on to...
Of course, there's always my way...
Monday, April 1, 2013
Annie's Desk
Mr. Lombardi: "Hi, I see Dr. Grumpy for my seizures, and he increased my Nomoshakin dose last week."
Annie: "Okay, let me look up your note."
Mr. Lombardi: "Anyway, yesterday I was playing football with my buddies, and one of them stepped on my left hand, really hard. Today that wrist hurts and is all swollen."
Annie: "Did you have a seizure?"
Mr. Lombardi: "No, but do you think the wrist problem is from the medication increase? Because I didn't have it on lower doses."
Friday, March 29, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Mary's desk, March 27, 2013
Mrs. Khwarizmi: "Yeah, I'm driving all over, and can't find your office."
Mary: "Okay, we're in Medical Office Tower 6."
Mrs. Khwarizmi: "Yes! That's where I am! But there isn't one marked 6!"
Mary: "We're the building farthest to the east. There's a sign in front that says 'MOT 6'."
Mrs. Khwarizmi: "I must be in the wrong place. The only sign I see just says 'motvi'."
Mary: "Motvi? Wait... Okay, you ARE in the right place. The 'MOT' sign uses Roman numerals."
Mrs. Khwarizmi: "Roman numerals? Damnit, doesn't anyone speak English anymore?"
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