Language

Dr. Grumpy: "It looks like you have high blood pressure?"

Mr. Semantics: "I wouldn't characterize it as such."

Dr. Grumpy: "Okay, but you're on 3 blood pressure medications."

Mr. Semantics: "My internist and I have a difference of opinion of both vital signs and common vernacular."

June 15, 1944

Officer Cynical asked to do a guest post today, in memory of those who gave all in one of the most vicious battles of World War II. Take it away, Officer!

On June 6, 1944 the largest amphibious invasion in history took place in Normandy. Lost in its shadow are equally important events that happened at the same time on the other side of the world.

Today, June 15, 2012, marks the 68^th anniversary of the U.S. Marine assault on Saipan.

On June 5, 1944, the same day the allied invasion ships set off across the English Channel for Normandy, another amphibious force left Pearl Harbor to carry out a mission of equal importance in the Pacific. It's almost-forgotten today, but the effects were tremendous. As one Japanese admiral commented, ""Our war was lost with the loss of Saipan."

Saipan was an important objective, both to cut off Japanese supply lines and to provide an airbase from which bombers could reach the Japanese home islands.

At 8:00 a.m., 8,000 Marines came ashore against 31,000 Japanese defenders. Many Marines later stated it was the most savagely opposed amphibious landing of the Pacific war.

Japanese artillery (pre-aimed at the invasion beach), along with machine-gun and sniper fire, made the landing murderous. You can see in the photos below the desperation of the men who have just hit the beach.

Men & machinery coming ashore.

Crawling to duck snipers

The Marines at the center and far left have just been hit by enemy fire.

Many enemy artillary positions were neutralized by gunfire from American warships, which was guided by Navajo code-talkers who'd gone ashore with the troops.

The morning after the landing, the Marines awoke to find every support vessel except a hospital ship had left. The Japanese Imperial Navy had counterattacked the U.S. Task Force near Saipan in an attempt to reinforce and resupply the defenders. The result was the naval/air Battle of the Philippine Sea, and the decisive allied air victory called The Great Marianas Turkey Shoot.

Ultimately, the combined American forces of Marine and Army units numbered about 70,000 men. After three weeks, the Japanese staged a last-ditch banzai charge of about 4,000 soldiers, including their wounded and conscripted civilians. Some had no firearms, but carried sticks with knives tied to the ends and other crude weapons.

Shaking out a shoe, sitting on an unexploded shell from a battleship.

 In the end, 13,790 American (19%) were killed or wounded. 29,000 Japanese (94%) were killed; only 920 prisoners were taken. Some 20,000 of the 25,000 civilians living on Saipan also died, almost all by suicide, either by jumping from cliffs (after throwing their children off) or by blowing themselves up with grenades. They had been convinced by the Japanese military that suicide was preferable to capture by the Americans. 

The nightmare of Saipan shows on the face of this Marine:

The "thousand-yard-stare"

Hospital rounds

Dr. Grumpy: "What color is my shirt?"

Ms. Haldol: "As black as your greedy, money-grubbing soul you bastard!"

Turn in your man card, dude

Sheesh, wouldn't it be better to just lie?

Patient quote of the day

"I have a huge pituitary tumor. They told me it was pressing on my sciatic nerve."

What SHOULD she do?

Sermo is an online doctor community. Once or twice a week I skim the posts to see if there's anything of interest.

Anyway, one hazard of technology is that a lot of people post while typing on the fly. This, combined with autocorrect, can lead to some eye-catching items.

ADDENDUM: due to lawyers from Sermo sending me threatening email, I had to take the screenshot down (those of you up early saw it). Basically, what it said is:


"One of my colleagues recently had a tubal legation. Now her vagina is demanding an embassy. What should she do?"

Great office moments

Mr. Ataxic: "I've been having a lot of balance problems. My walking is off, and I'm clumsy."

Dr. Grumpy: "Let's go out in the hallway, and let me watch you walk."

Mr. Ataxic goes out in the hallway, and I follow him. Stepping out from behind my desk, I discover (too late) that my shoelace is caught in one of the chair's rollers. As I walk the chair comes with me. I lose my balance and fall, just barely missing Ed. Then the whole chair crashes down on top of me. As the chair flies up it pulls my shoe off and sends it flying under the desk.

Mr. Ataxic: "Yeah, doc, kind of like that, but not as spectacular. Holy shit, are you okay?"

Weekend reruns

Okay, Grumpyites. My friendly neighborhood Lidoderm (a skin patch for pain after shingles) drug rep left me this.

Drug reps aren't allowed to take us to ball games anymore (I'm okay with that). In fact, this year they've actually been banned from bringing us even cheap pens and post-it notes.

BUT they are still allowed to bring us oddball stuff which falls under "patient education". Like this thing:




What is it? An art deco cactus garden? A model of Bikini Bottom (the home of Spongebob Squarepants)?


Nope. It's a model of the nerve endings of your skin, showing how painful post-shingles pain can be. When you turn it on, notice how the nerves glow red (it's pain, get it)?





And HERE! When you push down on the Lidoderm patch (get it? you're applying it to the skin?) they now glow soothingly blue (ah, that feels better). Thank you, Craig, for the hand cameo.



Isn't this useful! Isn't this revolutionary! Isn't this a great use of your medication money!

The kids and I have now taken out the batteries, and this weekend will study the feasibility of turning it into a new home for Ed, my office fish.

America. Land of really strange crimes.

Some days you think you've seen it all. And then you find out you're wrong.

Thank you, Mark!

Patient quote of the day

"I was on extreme doses of extremely powerful pain medications, because my symptoms were, you know, extreme. My doctor was extremely worried that I'd get extreme side effects, but apparently I have extremely high tolerance. They told me my liver is extremely strong."

Wednesday afternoon whatever

Mr. Webster: "My mother died of coronary trombones."

Dr. Grumpy: "You mean thrombosis?"

Mr. Webster: "Whatever."

A-Z

GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."

Ms. Fifa: "I need to make an appointment with Dr. Grumpy right away! When I exercise I get these horrible headaches! They just started last week, and I can't do anything!"

Mary: "Okay, we can see you Thursday afternoon..."

Ms. Fifa: "Oh, I can't come in then. That's when I play soccer."

I have a bad feeling about this

Dr. Grumpy: "What medications are you on?"

Mr. Scattered: "I don't know. Whatever my girlfriend puts in my pill cup."

Dr. Grumpy (to girlfriend): "What pills does he get?"

Ms. Girlfriend: "I don't know the names. Whatever his mother tells me to give him."

Dr. Grumpy: "Where can I reach your mom?"

Mr. Scattered: "She's in jail."