Saturday, June 30, 2012

Random Saturday Pictures

First off, we have this sign spotted at a Burger King. Even ignoring the grammar issues, it has to be the most unenthusiatic, uninviting, unappealing ad for a birthday party I've ever seen.

Just makes you want to yell "Sign me up!" huh?



Next is this fine beverage. Because what could be more enticing than a beer whose name translates to "Sudden Death"?

"Preferred 2-to-1 over Kool-Aid."



My reader Leigh recently got her water bill, and was horrified to find her city is spending tax dollars on a talking toilet mascot named "Leaky Loo McFlapper." They're claiming he's "world famous" (hell, I can't even find a FaceBook page for him) though at least he's not artisanal.

"Someday I hope to work up to McD's, when Grimace retires."





And, lastly, there's this technological breakthrough. Because what good is a $300 phone if you can't use it to open a beer?
Opening a beer? There's an app for that.


Friday, June 29, 2012

Care

I'm with a patient when Mary interrupts me. Dr. Intern is on the phone, and says it's urgent.

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy."

Dr. Intern: "HI! I just ran a Depakote level on Mrs. Seizure, and it's ZERO! I just spoke to her. She hasn't had any seizures, but I told her she needs to get in to see you ASAP!"

Dr. Grumpy: "Hang on... She isn't on Depakote. I changed her seizure meds in 2010, and she hasn't taken it since then. So I'd expect it to be zero."

Dr. Intern: "Why doesn't anyone tell me these things?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Well, it was noted in the letters I sent you. Don't you read them? Or check a medication list at each visit?"

Dr. Intern: "Who has time for that?"

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Gee, thanks

Dr. Grumpy: "What brings you in today, sir?"

Mr. Honest: "Dr. Asshat referred me. He said all the good neurologists couldn't get me in, and so I should see you instead."

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Mary's desk

Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."

Mrs. Bekins: "Hi, I need to make an appointment with the doctor."

Mary: "Okay, what's your insurance?"

Mrs. Bekins: "Um... Gee, I really don't know. I'm in the process of relocating to Grumpyville, and don't have a job yet."

Mary: "All right... Would you like to call back when you know more?"

Mrs. Bekins: "No, I still want to set something up."

Mary: "Okay, when are you moving here?"

Mrs. Bekins: "I don't know yet. Could be anywhere from 3 months to a year."

Pause.

Mary: "I think it would be better if you call back when you know when you'll be here."

Mrs. Bekins: "You're probably right. What part of town are you in?"

Mary: "Do you know the areas of Grumpyville?"

Mrs. Bekins: "No. Can you send me a map? And recommend a realtor?"

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Market share

In medicine there's a mysterious villain called "Big Pharma." This is a secret conglomeration of drug companies working to deprive you of both money and health as part of the New World Order. Depending on how far you buy into this bullshit, doctors are a part of this Medical-Pharma complex, along with (depending on your Haldol dose) any religion you hate, the United Nations, space aliens, homosexuals, and the Dead Milkmen.

Now, obviously, I don't believe this. The one grain of truth in the "Big Pharma" idea is that obviously companies that manufacture something want to sell it. This applies to medicines, car manufacturers, potato peelers, whatever.

Drug companies are required to do research to prove safety and efficacy of their stuff. But they also do smaller studies to try and prove they're at least better than a competitor. These studies, I must admit, tend to favor whoever sponsored them- but keep in mind they're trying to knock down competitors- NOT work with them.

A drug company sponsors a study that showed their drug worked. THE NERVE! Because, after all, no other industry would dare act like this...

So let's look at this article.

Basically (for those of you too lazy to click the link), it's a study that found "stone fruits" (those with large, singular, pits, like peaches) help with obesity and diabetes.

Some out there will claim this shows that Big Pharma is keeping "natural" secrets from them (because you'll otherwise NEVER hear that fruits & vegetables are better for you than a Big Mac). But let's read the disclaimer at the bottom of the article:

"The studies on the health benefits of stone fruit are funded by the California Tree Fruit Agreement, The California Plum Board, the California Grape and Tree Fruit League and the Texas Department of Agriculture."

Here's the bottom line: Everyone will pay for research to sell you their product. Whether it's Big Pharma or Big Farm.


Thank you, SMOD!

Monday, June 25, 2012

That's Amoré!

Mr. Fatherly: "It was really stressful 3 months ago, because my son and his fiancée moved in with me."

Dr. Grumpy: "How are things now?"

Mr. Fatherly: "Better, my son finally moved out last week."

Dr. Grumpy: "What about his fiancée?"

Mr. Fatherly: "I married her. That's why he moved out."

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Wanted: Students with partial amputations

Somehow I think this could have been worded better:


Thank you, Maridyth!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

OH, FOR HELL'S SAKE!!!


Thank you, WH!

Friday, June 22, 2012

Notes

Mrs. Flight: "I need a note, saying I'm too sick to travel to New York."

Dr. Grumpy: "Um... but you're not sick at all."

Mrs. Flight: "I know, but I'm trying to get out of this trip, and a note would help."

Dr. Grumpy: "I can't falsify a note for an airline."

Mrs. Flight: "No. It's for my sister. I don't want to go see her because she's a bitch."

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Airborn drug transference

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm going to start you on Coumadin."

Mr. Wisconsin: "But I'm already on it!"

Dr. Grumpy: "You are? I didn't see that in your chart..."

Mr. Wisconsin: "Well, I mean, I'm not on it myself, but my wife takes it. So wouldn't that cover me, too? Just from being near her a lot?"

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

WTF?

I've shown you guys some seriously strange drug company ads over the years.

After 15 years of reading journals I thought I'd seen every weird eye-catching trick an advertising agent can think up.

But, even I was taken aback by the sheer WTFness of a veterinary drug ad my esteemed colleague Webhill sent me yesterday:




 Thank you, Webhill!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Decimal fetish

Dr. Grumpy: "Any changes in your weight?"

Mr. Precise: "Yes." whips out iPhone "As of this morning, since January 1, 2012, I've gained 1.5873 pounds."

Monday, June 18, 2012

Saturday night, 11:38 p.m.

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page."

Miss Hedayk: "Yeah, I see you for migraines, that I, uh, only get during sex..."

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes?"

Miss Hedayk: "Well, I'm over at the Meat Hook bar, and met this really hot guy, and I'm um, out of my migraine pills, and, uh, could you call some into the pharmacy, so I can pick them up on the way to his place?"

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Father's Day, Dad!

 
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