Priorities

Dr. Grumpy: "How did this start?"

Mr. Walton: "We were in line at Walmart, returning a toaster. It was a real POS, know what I mean, Doc? It burned everything. Anyway, Ma began telling me that her left arm and leg were weak, and so I helped hold her up. After we returned the toaster I carried her out to the truck, and drove her to the hospital."

Dr. Grumpy: "Okay, what time would you say this all started?"

Mr. Walton: "We were in line about another 20 minutes after she first said something."

Dr. Grumpy: "Why didn't you bring her in or call 911 right away?"

Mr. Walton: "We'd already been waiting for 20 minutes and I didn't want to go back."

Weekend reruns

From December, 2008:


Okay, so at this time of year we get tons of cookies, candies, fattening stuff in general, dumped at the office.

A few weeks ago a local physical therapy place that specializes in hands dropped off a bunch of hand-shaped frosted sugar cookies.

Our staff was pigging out. I kept asking them to set one aside for me and put it next to my coffee in the break room, but they ignored me, as the cookies gradually decreased in number.

Finally I said "Somebody put a cookie near my coffee, or I'll have you all shot!" Then I went in to see my next patient.

When I wandered back to the break room 20 minutes later, they had saved me this cookie.

Driving safety quiz

Which of the following is a bad idea:

A. Driving while texting.

B. Driving with a kid in an unsecured child seat

C. Driving while talking on your phone.

D. Driving without wearing a seatbelt.

E. Driving on a suspended license.

F. Driving with an infant on your lap.

G. Driving with an older kid who isn't wearing a seatbelt.

H. Doing all of the above at the same freakin' time!


Thank you, David!

Artisanal: now with artisanally dangerous additives

 

Thank you, Sheila!

Oh yeah, that one

Dr. Grumpy: "Any major illnesses in your family?"

Mr. Vague: "My sister has that one disease, it makes you sick. You know which one I mean?"

Bad idea #1

There are worse things than driving drunk. Butt not many.

Thank you, Webhill!

Bad idea #2

I hope they didn't get to the "Hot Wax Undercarriage" treatment.

Thank you, Bob!

Great ad placement

Thank you, Rachel!

Mary's desk, April 4, 2012

New patient signs in up front.

Mary: "Hi, I need to get a copy of your insurance card."

Mrs. Paranoid: "I don't carry my card with me. Someone might steal it."

Mary: "Okay, but we need your information to bill your insurance."

Mrs. Paranoid: "I have Medicare."

Mary: "Okay, then can I get your Social Security number so we can bill them?"

Mrs. Paranoid: "I can't give you that. How do I know you won't still my identity, or sell it to someone who will?"

Mary: "We need some way of billing your insurance for the visit. Otherwise you'll have to pay cash today."

Mrs. Paranoid: "This is ridiculous that you treat people this way."

Leaves.

Wait...

Mr. Sugar: "I have diabetes, but it's controlled with diet. I don't take anything for it."

Dr. Grumpy: "Okay. Are you on medication for anything?"

Mr. Sugar: "I take Metformin, Actos, and Insulin."

Time for another advertising quiz

This picture:




A. Some flick about a romance between a doctor and football player.

B. Boy, Dell is really going avant-garde in their new commercials.

C. She makes porn movies of herself & drunk quarterbacks on her laptop, and sells them online.

D. Um... L'Oréal ad? She really needs something for better hair control. Or is she a medusa?

E. Is a computer-guided system to help the center guy at the bottom scrape dog shit off his shoe.

F. Why is her white coat billowing up like that? Is it starched? Is she gassy? Hey, does she even have pants on?

G. An ad for an ultrasound needle-guidance system.

"Uh, no, officer, that's my, um, girlfriend"

I think this would make a great ad for Honda. "The new Civic: more back seat room than Toyota."

Thank you, Kimm!

Patient quote of the weekend

"I've been having headaches, you know, and like, stuff that I get with them, you know, all that stuff that happens with my headaches, like, you know, it hurts, and I don't feel good and stuff, you know, and like, can you do stuff about this? You know, like, pills or stuff or something?"

And, as usual, this call came in at around 3:00 a.m.

Random Sunday pictures

Time to hit the email bag for shots you guys have sent me.


First, this screenshot shows the dangers of having your site truncated by browser software:






Next we have this snack bar:



I think I'll just have the plain cheese pizza, hold the toppings.



And here's a fine example of (probably artisanal) coffee:



It might be really good, but if I were at a coffee place and a guy said to me "Hey! Would you like to taste mysore nuggets?" I'd probably run. Fast.



Next is a beer that believes in truth in advertising:






Here's an ad for a resort's play facility:



They apparently have a higher opinion of 6-week-old human motor skills than I do.



This is from an interview with a Best Buy executive, describing company plans. I don't understand this, which is why I guess I'm not an MBA. In fact, it sounds like a story from the Onion.





To show yet another irritating overuse of the word "artisan" we have this mass-produced vinyl barbecue cover:





And finally, since it is April 1, here's one of my favorite pranks ever: