New page announcement

Due to several requests, I've compiled all the Grumpy vacation adventures into a single page, joining my history and artisanal pages. You can find it down in the right sidebar. Enjoy!

Some have written wondering when the 2011 vacation will be. Don't worry, it's coming (sighs, looks at credit card bill).

Sunday reruns

Dr. Unka is in my office complex. When he refers a patient to me, he often walks them upstairs to my office and waits with them up front (while his own waiting room backs up) until Mary has scheduled the patient. He often asks that I drop everything I'm doing to come meet his new referral, instead of just having them call us to make an appointment.

So today Mary called me to say Dr. Unka was up front, and wanted me to come meet a new patient. So I excused myself from my current patient and went up front, to see him standing there with a familiar, somewhat irritated-looking, older lady.

Dr. Unka: "Ibee, I'd like you to meet Mrs. Ancient. I'm referring her for memory loss."

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, Mrs. Ancient was here 3 weeks ago for that."

Mrs. Ancient (glaring at Dr. Unka): "I told you! Why didn't you listen to me?"

Dr. Unka: "She was?"

Mrs. Ancient: "Yes!"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes, I sent you a note."

Dr. Unka: "You did?"

Mrs. Ancient: "Yes! He did! It was even in my chart at your office! I pointed it out to you!"

Dr. Unka: "You did? Um, I mean, then have her make a follow-up." (leaves).

Random pictures

All right, due to me being tired and it being a holiday weekend, I'm going to put up some random shots I've been sent.

To show that the hated autocorrect feature is everywhere, this picture shows how a computer interpreted the phrase "IP-joint" (it stands for interphalangeal joint)

(click to enlarge)





Next, we have this page that was sent as an urgent-lab-results-please-call-nurse-ASAP to a doctor (for those of you not in medicine, this result is normal).






And finally, a neurologist who was trapped in an airport took this picture of brain-shaped chocolates for sale. I can only assume that (amongst other advantages) they have a lower risk of causing Jakob-Creutzfeld Disease than eating a real brain.

I stand corrected

Dr. Grumpy: "Hi, I'm Dr. Grumpy. Have a seat... What can I do for you?"

Mrs. Newpatient: "You wrote me a script for physical therapy, and I lost it. When I finally found it last month the therapy place said it was too old, and that I needed a new one."

Dr. Grumpy: "Hang on, ma'am... "(frantically searching computer) "um, I've never seen you before, let alone ordered therapy for you. We don't have anyone by your name or birthday in the system."

Mrs. Newpatient: "That's not true! I have your script right here!"

And she pulls out a discolored, dog-eared, wrinkled, physical therapy order from freakin' 1994, written, by me, on the order forms from the hospital I did my residency at.

Reasons to throttle children

Dr. Grumpy: "How'd things go with the new camp counselor today?"

Craig: "Fine. He's nice. He looks a little like you, with that same tinning hair style."

Dr. Grumpy: "Tinning hair style?"

Craig: "Yeah, Mom says it's called tinning. Where you have skin in front and hair in back."

Mary's desk, June 29, 2011

Lady walks in, writes name on sign-in sheet.

Mary: "Hi, Mrs. Chronos. Your appointment was 45 minutes ago."

Mrs. Chronos: "I know. Your office is near my Mom's nursing home, so I stopped to visit her."

Mary: "Okay, but he's already with his next patient, and we're packed full today. I'm going to have to reschedule you..."

Mrs. Chronos: "So you have something against my Mom?"

Mary: "No, but regardless of why you're late..."

Mrs. Chronos: "You just don't care about the importance of family!" (walks out).

Leggo my Eggo!

Thank you, Bob!

EEEEEYYYAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sir, I think the test you're referring to is the PSA for prostate cancer.

While it is, like a mammogram, part of preventative health care, the two tests are not at all similar.

It is NOT called a "penogram", and doesn't involve having your winkie squashed between metal plates.

Thank you. Now go get your blood drawn.

Mary, order another case of Rogaine for me

Dr. Grumpy: "Anything that triggers these spells?"

Mr. Dieffenbachia: "Yes. A plant."

Dr. Grumpy: "Do you know which plant?"

Mr. Dieffenbachia: "That one that grows outside."

Critical medical points

As my readers know, I go to great lengths to avoid other neurologists. I do this because this branch of medicine is just chock full of personality disorders.

Don't believe me? Allow me to introduce exhibit A, which was published in the January/February 2011 issue of Practical Neurology.

click to enlarge



Because, let's face it: It takes a really special kind of whackjob to write a letter complaining about using both the words "preventive" AND "preventative" in the same article. They even get bonus points for being able to cite an article from freakin' 1964 on such an important point.

p.s. You guys spelled "inconsistency" wrong.

Important questions

Dr. Grumpy: "I spoke to the radiologist, and it looks like your husband has had a stroke..."

Mrs. Concern: "Oh NO! What will the neighbors think?!!!"

Glad to hear that

My home phone rings.

Dr. Grumpy: "Hello?"

Mom Grumpy: "Hi, Ibee, it's mom."

Dr. Grumpy: "Hi, mom, how ya doing?"

Mom Grumpy: "Fine, but you wouldn't believe what just happened! Dad and I went to the Dragon Grease Chinese buffet tonight, and our internist, Dr. Osler, was there! Eating dinner!"

Dr. Grumpy: "Well, mom, doctors go out to dinner, too."

Mom Grumpy: "Yeah, but they should know better than to go to an unhealthy place like Dragon Grease!"

Dr. Grumpy: "Mom, I met you guys at Dragon Grease 2 weeks ago!"

Mom Grumpy: "You don't count."

Weekend reruns

I got called to the hospital on Monday to see an elderly man, who lives with his kids.

On Friday night he fell asleep on the couch while watching TV. He looked so comfortable the family put a blanket over him and left him there.

He slept all day Saturday, barely moving. They left him alone.

And Sunday morning.

It wasn't until early Sunday afternoon that somebody thought, "Hey, Gramps hasn't woken up in over 40 hours. Maybe we should try to wake him".

Not surprisingly, they discovered they couldn't wake him up, and called 911.

So that's today's medical advice: It is NOT normal to sleep for almost 48 continuous hours.

It's not artisanal...

But I really don't understand how a tomato can be a "Limited Edition" item.





Thank you, Cal!