Online entertainment

Last night I was signed up to do CME (continuing medical education) with a live webcast.

I don't do these very often, but it was free, I needed the credits, and I figured I could do some paperwork while tuned in. Who knows? I might even learn something.

So the talk began. The speaker was broadcasting from his home office, using a webcam on top of the computer. It seemed like the usual monotonous stuff... "When considering options in the treatment of Frickle-Martin syndrome one must first..."

Then his cell phone rang. "Oh, sorry everyone, I'm on call for my group tonight. I had to switch and tonight was the only... Hello? Yes, this is he. Yes, I rounded on her today. No, the MRI was still being done when I left. I can't talk to her family right now, I'll call back in an hour."

A few minutes later he was reviewing a nail-biting slide on cellular metabolism when he suddenly jumped back in his chair and a large, furry, white Samoyed reared up next to the desk, put it's paws on it, and stared straight into the camera "No! Down Sweater! Bad dog!" Not to be turned away, Sweater licked the speaker's face before disappearing.

A few more minutes went by, when there was a voice in the background. I couldn't hear what it said, but the speaker immediately turned away from a heart-pounding genetics slide and yelled: "I'm busy! I'll look at the math homework later."

Another few slides passed, and a phone rang. He ignored it for 3 rings then answered: "Hello? No, she, went to get Laura from piano class. I'll tell her you called."

The rest of the talk, unfortunately, was uneventful. I finished some office dictations, and made a mental note that if I'm ever asked to a talk like that (nobody is calling, either) I'll probably do it from my office downtown.

Family dinner table

Today some WWII veterans came to Wingnut Elementary School to talk to the kids.

Dr. Grumpy: "How'd the meeting with the veterans go, Frank?"

Frank: "Fine. But I'm not sure they were really soldiers."

Dr. Grumpy: "Why do you say that?"

Frank: "They were really old. The ones that you see on the news are young."

Dr. Grumpy: "Well, they were soldiers, and young, once."

Frank: "Well, they're old now. It's not a bad thing though, because, I mean, you look old, too."

Today's criminal tip

When getting drunk after pulling a smash & grab at the liquor store, I suggest you go home before starting the party.

Not like this guy.

Thank you, Fran, for sending this in!

Idiocy

Last night I was doing an online marketing survey, which featured this question:

Will your prescribing of Sarcasma increase, decrease, or stay the same based on your meeting with the sales rep?

[] Yes.

[] No.

Got yarn?

My 1:00 today came in with his wife.

She had a strange sweater on. It had the collar and both arms, but only partially (like by 3 inches) covered her shirt below the neck.

As I spoke to her husband, she took out yarn and needles.

She began knitting, working on adding to the semi-sweater she was wearing.

Tuesday night, 11:37 p.m.

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy, returning a page."

Mr. Wokemeup: "Yeah, I was wondering if you got a fax from my pharmacy. They said they sent it about an hour ago."

Dr. Grumpy: "I have no idea. It would be at my office. Are you out of pills?"

Mr. Wokemeup: "No, I'm good for another 3 days. I was just wondering if they faxed it like they said they would."

Face it. You're a crappy forger.

While I try not to post too many bizarre news articles at a time, some things just demand to be shared with my readers. Especially when one involves a fake medical note.

Like this talented lady.

I bet they're taking her to Nurse K's ER, too...

Thank you, Lee, for sending this in!

Quit smoking. OR ELSE!

While I strongly discourage smoking, and try to get my patients to quit, I leave it at that.

Some doctors just take things a little too far.

Nice try

Craig: "Dad, I don't think I can go to school today."

Dr. Grumpy: "What's wrong?"

Craig: "There was this girl who fell off the swings last week, and got knocked out. They took her to the hospital, and said she had a concussion."

Dr. Grumpy: "So what's the problem?"

Craig: "She's back, and I sat next to her yesterday. Today my head hurts, so I must have caught it from her."

Mary's desk, March 28, 2011

Guy walks in, stands at front desk.

Mary: "Hi, can I help you?"

Mr. Lost: "Yes. I'm looking for Susan Stemi."

Mary: "Hmm, I don't see her on our schedule, or Dr. Pissy's... Where is her appointment at?"

Mr. Lost: "She doesn't have an appointment. She's a patient here."

Mary: "Well, she's not here, and..."

Mr. Lost: "Your phone operator said she was here, room 647, on the cardiac floor. Isn't this the 6th floor?"

Mary: "Yes, but, sir, you must be looking for a hospital room. Local Hospital is about 2 blocks down the street. You need to go east on 23rd avenue and..."

Mr. Lost: "WAIT! When did you move her to another floor?"

Mary: "We didn't. She's on the 6th floor of the hospital down the street. This is the 6th floor of an office building."

Mr. Lost: "Then why did your operators lie to me?!!! After I find her I'm going to complain to a supervisor!"

(walks out)

Devotion to duty

This weekend I got dragged kicking and screaming called in to see a hospital consult. It was a lady who'd had her appendix out, and had a bad headache afterward.

Dr. Grumpy: "Have you had headache problems in the past?"

Miss Shiny: "No... Hey! Are you Dr. Grumpy, from downtown Grumpyville?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes, that's me. Have you seen me before?"

Miss Shiny: "No, but I work for Big Pharma, Inc. One of my partners is a drug rep who calls on your office. My territory is over on the east side."

Dr. Grumpy: "Oh, okay. Anyway do you normally get headaches?"

Miss Shiny: "Have you considered prescribing our product, Noshakesatall, for your Parkinson's disease patients?" (reaches in purse, pulls out a sales brochure) "If you look at this graph, Noshakesatall shows superior efficacy and duration of action in treating Parkinson's, and..."

Happy whatever

I'd like to thank my reader Kelly for sending this in. She writes:

"Petersen therapy is across the street from our office. They send us faxes with seasonal trivia and asking us to refer patients. This one came on Thursday. The fax date stamp (March 24, 2011) is at the top."

click to enlarge



Thank you, Kelly!

Note- for my non-North American readers, Thanksgiving is celebrated in the Fall.

Attention patients!

If you have a wart on your leg (or anywhere) PLEASE refrain from picking it off while talking to your neurologist.

The fact that you take Coumadin doesn't help.

Normally I don't charge for the Kleenex on my desk. But at the rate you're going through them I might have to start.

On the other hand, it's cheaper than a carpet cleaning service.

The Horror!

Local Hospital has elevator doors with lights that flash green when they're opening and red when closing.

I'm done with afternoon rounds. I get in the elevator to leave.

The elevator stops on the 6th floor and a lady and her little kid get on.

Little Kid: "Mommy, why do the elevator doors have those green and red lights?"

Mom: "So blind people know which way the doors are moving, honey."

Just shoot me. She was pregnant, too.