Urgent matters

Dr. Grumpy: "I'd like to start you on this medication because..."

I looked up. Mary is in the doorway. She never interrupts me when I'm with a patient unless it's urgent.

Mary: "Dr. Unka, from down the hall, is on the phone. Says he needs to talk to you right now."

Dr. Grumpy: "Thanks, Mary. Sorry, ma'am, let me just take this call." (picks up phone) "Hello?"

Dr. Unka: "Ibee, I've been meaning to tell you that your office door slams too loudly."

Dr. Grumpy: "Um, I..."

Dr. Unka: "It's really distracting. Can you please call the building people to do something about it?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Sure..."

Dr. Unka: "Thank you." (hangs up).

Can't argue with that

Last night I was reading EEGs at the hospital. They always have a patient form attached, to give you some background on why they're having the test.

So last night I found this.

(click to enlarge)

Trust me. I'm a doctor.

Just read this. Keep reading. It's worth it.

Thank you, Kim!

Specifics

Mrs. Senior: "I can remember exactly when my migraines started."

Dr. Grumpy: "And when was that?"

Mrs. Senior: "I guess when I was younger."

Why my staff hates me

Annie: "Sandy Hormone just called. She said you found a tiny aneurysm on her MRA?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yeah, it's too small to do anything about, so I'm just going to repeat the study in 6 months to see if it's changed."

Annie: "She wants to know if it's okay for her to have sex with the aneurysm?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Only if it pays for dinner."

My current patient and her husband...

Have just started arguing over which of them sneezes more loudly.

Where do I find these people?

CanUSA, land of idiot crooks

Yes, once again proving that stupidity and crime don't mix, we have this bozo from Ottawa.

While robbing a convenience store at knifepoint, he tripped and fell ON HIS OWN KNIFE, and is currently in critical condition.

Here's the story.

Thank you, Alison!

Mary's Desk, November 16, 2010

(guy walks in, stands at counter)

Mary: "Hi, can I help you?"

Mr. Gregorian: "I have an appointment today with Dr. Grumpy."

Mary: "Sure... Wait. Sir, your appointment was last Monday. You missed it."

Mr. Gregorian: "No, it would be this Monday, because we went on daylight savings time this month."

Anatomy 101

Maybe I'm just a dumb old neurologist, and I sure don't know much about candy, but this here picture ain't lookin' right to me.





From Fail Blog.

Dear Dr. Imed,

Thank you for your referral of Mrs. Panik,

I'm writing and faxing you this expedited letter, and also left a message with your secretary, as I want to explain what happened yesterday. I'm sure you'll be hearing Mrs. Panik's side of the story soon enough.

My secretary, Mary, has a daughter who is a few years younger then mine. As a result, we give Mary our hand-me-downs when our kids outgrow them. This has been a satisfactory arrangement on all sides for several years (my kids get their hand-me-downs from my sister's kids).

So yesterday I brought in some things for Mary, but due to a busy day forgot to give them to her.

During my appointment with Mrs. Panik I went to get a blood pressure cuff. In doing so I accidentally knocked over the bag of clothes, spilling little girl Disney Princess undies all over the floor.

As I picked them up, Mrs. Panik suddenly stood up and accused me of being a pedophile. She wouldn't listen to my explanation, and said she didn't want to continue the appointment.

So far we haven't received any calls from the local police, but I wanted to alert you of this misunderstanding in case Mrs. Panik calls you.

Yours truly,

Ibee "Not a pedophile, I swear" Grumpy, M.D.

More great crooks

Okay, here's another tip for you budding criminals out there:

If you're planning on robbing a pharmacy (or pretty much anything) you should generally pick a getaway car that DOES NOT have your name on the license plate.

Unlike this bozo.

Thank you, Rebecca, for sending this in.

Weekend calls

Look, Mr. Ohseedee, the prescription I wrote you on Friday is for "Tylenol #3, 20 pills".

It DOES NOT say "Tylenol, 320 pills". I'm looking at my copy right now.

I'm well aware that Tylenol doesn't need a prescription. You don't need to tell me that. I swear, I would NOT have written you a prescription for regular Tylenol.

So there was no need to call me all freaking weekend to argue about it.

Just take it to the pharmacy if you won't take my word for it. They'll tell you the same thing.

Trust me. I'm a doctor.

You're almost out of time. Play with this.

While doing Christmakuh shopping last night, I saw this in the store.

Does anyone else think it needs a better name?

Is it hot down here? Or is it just me?

I'd like to thank PJ for bringing this important research to my attention.

In an effort to settle the question of whether or not laptop computers contribute to infertility, a research group attached temperature sensors to volunteers' scrotums and recorded how they changed when using a laptop. They did this with & without lap pads, and in various sitting positions.

How come these articles never say how much they paid the volunteers?

Here's the link.