Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Dear Dr. Imed,

Thank you for your referral of Mrs. Panik,

I'm writing and faxing you this expedited letter, and also left a message with your secretary, as I want to explain what happened yesterday. I'm sure you'll be hearing Mrs. Panik's side of the story soon enough.

My secretary, Mary, has a daughter who is a few years younger then mine. As a result, we give Mary our hand-me-downs when our kids outgrow them. This has been a satisfactory arrangement on all sides for several years (my kids get their hand-me-downs from my sister's kids).

So yesterday I brought in some things for Mary, but due to a busy day forgot to give them to her.

During my appointment with Mrs. Panik I went to get a blood pressure cuff. In doing so I accidentally knocked over the bag of clothes, spilling little girl Disney Princess undies all over the floor.

As I picked them up, Mrs. Panik suddenly stood up and accused me of being a pedophile. She wouldn't listen to my explanation, and said she didn't want to continue the appointment.

So far we haven't received any calls from the local police, but I wanted to alert you of this misunderstanding in case Mrs. Panik calls you.

Yours truly,

Ibee "Not a pedophile, I swear" Grumpy, M.D.

30 comments:

Julie said...

now that's a likely story ....

Anonymous said...

That is why I never keep a sack of undies in my office.

Courtney Schoenfeld said...

How hysterical and unfortunate. She must not have children. I generally don't reach for the pedophile conclusion unless a naked child falls out of the bag.

Mike said...

Maybe Mrs. Panik should have been called Mrs. Frog, for how high she jumped in reaching that conclusion.

Anonymous said...

The old saying proven correct once again: Assumptions make an ass out of you and me!

Anonymous said...

Yep. That's the only possible explanation for a bag of princess panties in a physician's office.

Really. I can't imagine where all these goofballs come from. Is there an underground factory somewhere?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Like Annie says: "There's a reason they're seeing a neurologist."

Anonymous said...

What a whacko! Somebody spends too much time reading "news" on the internet and in the grocery check-out line.

Molly said...

Dear Dr. Grumpy,
This is yet another example of how your life is like an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
Sincerely,
Molly

Moose said...

OH MY HEAD.

Just trying to wrap my head around "young girls underwear == pedophile" is giving me an astounding headache.

Not House said...

With my sketchy Movember mustache growing, I've gotten a few comments from classmates (and one professor, much to my chagrin) that I look like a pedophile. It doesn't help that I've had to wear my thick glasses on account of me losing my contacts.

Unfortunately, there are enough people around who DO these sick things to make the rest of us normal decent folks victims of suspicion anytime one little untoward thing happens.

Anonymous said...

wait, those hand-me-downs include undies too? i am not a parent, i think it's okay to give out t-shirts, sweaters, jackets and such, but undies??? i myself don't want to wear somebody else's undies either

Packer said...

Expect call from peer review.

Crazy Newt said...

I'm with anonymous here. Hand-me-down undies? As a non-parent, it just seems a little odd.

Still, you'd think a pedophile would do a better job hiding those things. I mean, I don't bring *MY* Victim trophies to work.... that's what basements are for.

stargirl65 said...

I hope no one ever gets a hold of my husband's phone. It used to belong to our daughter who was 12 when she gave it to Dad. He never erased any of her contacts or photos. Hence there are a lot on preteen girls names, numbers and photos in his phone. He leaves the numbers so he can track our daughter down and because he is simply lazy. If anyone were to look through it they would think him a pedophile.

Donkaloosa said...

Rather than a pedophile, couldn't the princess undies belong to Grumpy himself? In which case he may be as odd as some of his patients.

Anonymous said...

Well it's not like anyone would expect a neurologist to have daughters of his own. I mean, nobody ever wants to marry a doctor, right?

Katie said...

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why undies should never be included in hand-me-downs.

<>< Katie

Anonymous said...

I think what a lot of people are missing here is that if this woman files an anonymous complaint with the office of professional misconduct, they are obligated to investigate. The allegation that Dr. Grumpy is a pedophile will be on page 1. The retraction 3 to 6 months later after the investigation will get one column inch somewhere buried inside the depths of the paper.

Unfortunately, the world is full of crazy people, and doctors get to practice at the mercy of such people.

Ellie said...

As a parent of a in-the-process-of-potty-training toddler, I'm grateful for hand me down undies. It's just less of them I have to buy. She's gone through an obscene amount of them, and a few of them have had to be cut of with scissors and taken with tongs to the trash because hell no, I do not have enough patience or brain cells to scrub poop out of underwear. Not with three kids under 11. THAT'S why I don't mind hand me down underwear.

The issue isn't that there were hand me down undies is that Ms Panic apparently doesn't know or hasn't met anyone who has small children. It must be hard to never go outside.

donna said...

Come on folks! EVERYONE knows that pedophiles HATE Disney Princess underwear. It is Dora or
TMNT underwear all the way! Pedophiles are creeped out by the princess underwear. It is a known fact, a highly paid study was done on the subject.

OMG! Did this *troubled* soul really believe that you would leave the evidence in a bad, in your office, at your job site? At least you found out early that this would not be your ideal client up front, B4 many years of head banging and blogging! Then again we are no going to be deprived of MANY stories. Your loss will be another DR Bloggers gain. BTW..I side with: undies are okay to pass on.

Disgusted said...

Hand-me-down underwear? Wtf? That's just sick and wrong! I hope these hand-me-downs were not handed down to your kids from someone else....The idea of underwear being handed down more than once is truly revolting.

Anonymous said...

From a mother of four: Nothing wrong with hand-me-down underwear (as long as it has been laundered, obviously). Ellie is right; when kids are at the potty-training age you can't have enough underwear for them.
For many years two of my boys, born ~18 months apart, took the same size underpants and selected them from the same pile of clean laundry, with no sense that any one pair belonged to any one boy. No harm done, at least as far as I can see. They have both grown into healthy young men. My sister and I did likewise with panties when we were pre-teens, and we seem healthy enough. She has 3 kids and I have 4, so it didn't derange our internal bits and bobs, anyway.
Anyway, who says Grumpy was referring to panties? Singlets are underwear too! So are those absurd things known as "training bras" that some people insist on putting on small girls, although I can't imagine Dr. Grumpy being that stupid.

Pam said...

Annon 8:32 May I borrow that line? It's awesome!

[still laughing] Underground factory.

:D

ERP said...

What Molly said!

Pharmacy chick said...

I just went back 40 years to seeing my little brother running around in Strawberry Shortcake hand me down t-shirts...

Anonymous said...

Get over it, folks. Hand me down underwear is fine. It's just clothes. Properly laundered - maybe even bleached - underwear is no different than anything else (ie: work uniforms). What about diaper services? I have never heard of that being a problem, and they are used by numerous families. Quit being such pansies!

The Mother said...

Even with four boys, I could never get anyone to wear hand me down undies.

Until my cross-dresser asked for a corset.

Anonymous said...

I truly hope that foolish woman comes to her senses and doesn't cause any problems for you. As for the people who have such issues with the hand me down underwear, I know many ppl who have done that because of the potty training and/or simply not being able to afford brand new underwear for quickly growing children, as long as they are laundered properly to wich I have no doubt, then there isn't a problem. Just because you don't shoose that route doesn't make it wrong. It really is sad how severe some of the responses are. What a spoiled society we have when one will qubble over undies.

Olivia said...

I don't have a problem with hand-me-down undies either. Heck, I've seen my daughter and her best friend (they're 6) put on each other's underwear after marathon dress up parties. It might make me cringe, but they don't care.

It amazes me how prissy and spoiled our society has become that we can allow "mental uncleanliness" to be a reason to waste time, money and resources.

 
Locations of visitors to this page