Monday, April 16, 2018

Breaking news!

From around the globe, Dr. Grumpy's crack team of reporters brings you the stories that shape your world.



DATELINE: FLORIDA: Xavier Moran was in a car accident, and told police that his dashboard camera could prove he was cut off by another driver. To prove it he turned the camera over to police and signed a waiver allowing them to search the data file.

Unfortunately, the same camera also had footage of Mr. Moran using a baseball bat to burglarize a beauty supply store a few hours prior to his accident.

He was arrested for the burglary. No word yet on whether someone really did cut him off in traffic.



DATELINE: NEW YORK: Police were mobilized last Thursday after someone reported an escaped tiger running loose in Manhattan.

Investigating officers found it was actually a racoon.

A local news reporter suggested the caller visit a zoo to learn the difference.

The racoon has been turned over to the ASPCA.




DATELINE: not sure, somewhere in the U.S.

A reader sent in this pic of an, uh, innovative way to replace a broken rear window:




7 comments:

jimbo26 said...

Lol , I would presume that if the racoon got REALLY angry .............

Astrolabe Silverwax said...

I want to find out what PR firm that raccoon uses.

Mike Love said...

We're loadin' up our woody with our boards outside, and headin' out singin' our song...

The Seasick Mermaid said...

And then this badger happened: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/very-angry-badger-craignethan-castle-scotland-part-closure-a8303811.html

Anonymous said...

(The punch line to the story of a large raccoon in NYC, was "well, they both have stripes." That gets me every time, if you figure zebras have stripes as well.)

Considering that some restless varmint and its family has been thumping heavily around the attic this winter, my fear is that when we eventually have to expose the whole blooming group to some not-so-ambient conditions, it may turn out to they are all related to a giant opossum species, or gargantuan squirrels, or just some slap-happy raccoons.

Anonymous said...

The patchwork window has a rather rustic charm to it......

Shash said...

Shiplap is a trendier look. Jes' sayin'.

 
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