Monday, August 15, 2016

Skool Nerse Time

Another exciting school year will be starting soon, and somehow I got sucked into becoming a band booster. This thrilling job involves me handling questions from other parents about band, upcoming band camp, musical instrument rentals, over-the-counter medications, do you know a good plumber, next week's weather forecast, and why are you calling me because the judge said it's my ex who has to pay for this stuff.

In a week of calls, this one was my favorite:


My iPhone rings.

Nurse Grumpy: "Hello, this is band booster Grumpy."

Mrs. Clueless: "I just found out my daughter, Marsha, has to bring her musical instrument to band camp?"

Nurse Grumpy: "Uh, that's correct."

Mrs. Clueless: "Why didn't anyone tell me this? You need to make these things clear!"

Nurse Grumpy: "Well, it is band camp."

Mrs. Clueless: "On that whole list of things to bring to camp, no where did it say 'musical instrument.' "

Nurse Grumpy: "She does need to bring it."

Mrs. Clueless: "What kind of instrument should she bring, anyway?"

Nurse Grumpy: "Um, whatever she plays. What does she play?"

Mrs. Clueless: "YOU'RE THE BAND BOOSTER! Isn't it your job to know that?"

Nurse Grumpy: "Okay... so you don't know what Marsha plays?"

Mrs. Clueless: "It's something she blows in. Where can I get one of those?"

Nurse Grumpy: "That covers a lot... What does it look like?"

Mrs. Clueless: "I don't know. It makes a lot of noise, so she has to practice with her door closed. I've never seen it. Can I rent one?"

Nurse Grumpy: "You don't have one?"

Mrs. Clueless: "Well, she has the screechy thing in her room. You mean I have get another one for her to take to band camp?"

Nurse Grumpy: "No. She can take the one she already has."

Mrs. Clueless: "Doesn't make that clear, either. This info sheet is useless."

Nurse Grumpy: "Just have her bring the instrument, whatever it is, that she has at home, to band camp."

Mrs. Clueless: "You people are really disorganized and unhelpful."





22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dr Grumpy, you're a dirty liar!
No one is that stupid.
No one.



(I hope.....)

Anonymous said...

So much opportunity for innuendo here, what with the blowing and making noise with the door closed.

Packer said...

Seriously, does no one else , save me, see the seriousness of this situation. Multiply this by thousands and millions and our society is doomed. Or perhaps, she is the opposite of the cloying annoying helicopter parent, that being the submarine parent, the one who surfaces once every nine months or so.

And oh yes I believe this happens.

Stacey Gordon said...

I agree with Packer, but... if the kid is old enough to PLAY an instrument and OLD enough to go to BAND CAMP, you'd think the kid would think for themselves and BRING their damned instrument, and not need mom or dad to tell them such things.

Anonymous said...

And I'll bet the list forgot to specify that the child must also be included. Harrumph!

Nurse Lilly said...

Stacey - not sure the kids is the problem here. She may be perfectly capable of all this, but her mother hasn't bothered to ask her.

Stacey Gordon said...

Nurse Lilly,
That may be so, as you say. Still...It's band camp, which means the kid is either JR high or High school aged, so the kid should have the list and be responsible enough to bring what they need. Parent's are obviously on crack.

animal lover said...

OMG! To think this mother may vote!

Anonymous said...

'Screechy' leaves out timpani, that extra-long trombone, a tuba or euphonium, or double bass, and maybe a contrabass, or tenor sax, (sort of expensive to risk taking to 'band camp' where it might get sand in the valves), so yeah. Bring it, the flugelhorn, clarinet, or whatever.

Heck, if you can't bring your instrument, harmonicas fit easily in ones' pocket. (What did she expect a student would be doing at 'band camp'? Never mind, I would have no idea of what she would think.)

Though, I do have to laugh, when I recall that of all the things my kid could've taken to Interlochan to improme the camper experience, he wanted us to bring some empty Windex bottles so he could exert the same level weaponry as other campers in his cabin in water pistol fights.

Anonymous said...

"This one time, at band camp" they showed the movie American Pie 2 that showed us many uses for instruments you blow air into.

A. Marie said...

Stories like this one are why I fear the death of the nation within the decade. Probably sooner, come to think of it.

BobF said...

I get the feeling there is going to be a kid standing at the gate long after band camp hours, waiting, waiting, waiting, for a mother to make the pickup.

Mage said...

I believe this. So sorry.

Anonymous said...

This level of stupidity should hurt...

The Bus Driver said...

somehow this doesnt surprise me... my friend sent her daughter off to college last year for the first time and there were parents there asking if the school offered "how to do your own laundry" classes. no joke....

Anonymous said...

SO VERY sorry for the children in this home. Compassion for the parent's limitations; at least the parent cared enough to call and ask. And, have been in the foster care world it is totally absolutely easy to believe this happens. IF anyone disbelieves, well, learn some more about why children in your neighborhood/region end up in foster care......... and how long they stay there ....... and what happens to those children.

Jessie said...

For my brother's 40th birthday (a pool party since they have a pool and live in Florida) someone got him an inflatable doll as a gag gift. You know the kind I mean.

It disappeared during/after the party and my brother had no idea what happened to it. When last seen it was floating in the pool.

Until he found out his teenage son (he has 3 boys) had found it, stashed it away, and brought it to band camp to show off.

Liz said...

The problem with being this stupid is you're too stupid to realize how stupid you are.

Migraineur said...

I had to teach a roommate how to do their laundry. He went to a technical college, so lived at home, and I got to teach laundry 101, dishes 101, coking 101, and minor car repair 101 (his car wouldn't start because his battery had corroded...i did the old, can of coke and a toothbrush cleaning, kicked right over afterwards)

Anonymous said...

Poor Marsha, with a mother like that! Still, she can count herself lucky that she actually survived long enough to get to school age.

Unknown said...

Hoping the kid has more sense than the mother...

you don't have to think hard to figure that this mother may be using mind/mood altering substances in ways that make her appear dumb, irritable, and self centered when she is actually probably not even going to remember the conversation. tough to be a kid in that kind of household.

Veronica Reilly said...

I was a "Band Mom" the first year my son was in HS and let me tell you, the stupidity is REAL! We had some kids show up for a trip to Washington D.C. and brought NO MONEY for a four day trip. Um, how are you going to eat? Brought nothing to wear; but their band uniforms. UGH! One parent couldn't understand why we weren't at the school the evening we left; because she was there to pick up her child and had no clue she was out of state. Wait a second, you signed a permission slip, right? Can we say we're all doomed?

 
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