Thursday, May 21, 2015

Breaking and entering

Apparently, we missed the memo about yesterday being an early release day for a teachers meeting.

So the twins texted me while I was with a patient to say they were locked out, since neither of them had brought a key.

Fortunately, my last 2 patients of the day had cancelled, so we were able to close down early. On the drive home I ignored the text fight that broke out between the kids over whether the front or back yard was a better place to wait.

So I got home to find Craig planted in front of the garage, staring at his phone. He told me Marie had gone into the back yard to wait on the patio, and he didn't think that was a good idea for whatever reason. They were continuing to text insults to each other over which yard was better.

Such are the conflicts that shape our lives.

Anyway, I opened the garage, unlocked the door, and we went in.

To find Marie sitting in front of the TV, eating popcorn, and texting Craig back.



Dr. Grumpy: "Marie, how did you get in here?"

Marie: "I picked the lock on the back door."

Craig: "How did you do that?"

Marie: "I used my student ID to push the first lock in. Then I got Frank's old croquet set and bent one of the hoops around, so I could fit it through the crack and slide the second lock over."

Dr. Grumpy: "How come the burglar alarm didn't go off?"

Marie: "I twisted the croquet hoop the other way, like this, to reach around the corner and flip the alarm switch off."

Craig: "You didn't tell me you were inside! Why didn't you let me in?"

Marie: "Because you called me a bitch for going to the back yard."


We've lived in this house for 12 years, and this is the first time anyone's broken in. My neighborhood must be safer than I ever imagined.

29 comments:

jimbo26 said...

Lol , good for Marie . Young minds know what they are doing .

Candida Gomez said...

Ah, the moment where you don't know whether to be very proud or very scared of what your child has accomplished.

Don't feel bad about missing the memo; after they got the neglectful twit of a principal (long story) at my kids' elementary school about four years back, it was next to impossible to get word of holidays that weren't on the reader board, word of mouth, or accessing the district website. Although I suppose you were grumping about it as you double-checked the back door for damage. ;)

Incidentally, criminals are fundamentally lazy. Even the ones who seem to be working hard want a disproportionate return for their effort. As long as you continue to make it too much work for them to break in, they'll avoid your place. (Yes, that many steps is too much work.)

Mal said...

Marie clearly has a bright future ahead of her. Possibly in international jewel theft, or espionage.

Anonymous said...

She's a smart kid. Kind of scary smart, though!

Powers said...

They each have a phone, but neither one carries a key?

Does that seem backwards to anyone else?

MSGMD said...

So what's your address? And do you happen to have any more croquet hoops laying around?

Anonymous said...

I'd say Marie isn't someone you want to mess around with...

Anonymous said...

Marie will be able to survive anything, it's Craig that you need to worry about :p

Packer said...

McGyverish , is that an adjective ?

She really has that bitch thing working, sitting there watching TV while brother waits outside, that is the best part of the whole story.

bobbie said...

Marie ~ thanks for my first big belly laugh of the day!

Scary smart!

gloriap said...

She's a survivor. Craig needs an advanced degree.

Anonymous said...

Your kids are great. I recently broke into a neighbors house. They were out of town due to a family emergency, their kid was with us. Kid had to go let the cat out but discovered he couldn't get in. WD-40 and the key to MY OWN house opened the door right up! Thankfully they had not set their alarm!

Btw, I just had to select all images of sushi to prove that I'm not a robot. How very odd.

Ms. Donna said...

Go Marie! Seriously, that much brainpower needs to be channeled for good. I know a few people at the NSA, Navy Intelligence (NOT an oxymoron)etc. who want to meet you.

I also suspect that Officer Cynical is waiting to meet you in a professional capacity .

Double points to you for leaving your brother on the front step. Priceless.

Now your father had better call a locksmith and get the hole in the security system patched.

Go Marie!!!

Anonymous said...

Necessity is the mother of... larceny

Anonymous said...

Wow, if you play your cards right and do all your shopping after hours, the Grumpy family might never have to pay for clothes or groceries again.

cliffy said...

So, This is the girl who deals with perverts, out thinks brothers and thinks outside the box for solutions for her benefit (and to punish cranky siblings)? I would like to see how she filters the soon to come suitors!

Moose said...

Marie is going to be an engineer. Or a master thief.

That kid is brilliant.

Anonymous said...

We had a beautiful little American Eskimo who probably thought she was all that was necessary to take care of two children i.e. Mary Poppins--and, the door did not need to be locked when she was home and on duty. She might've nipped Marie for her impertinence, but she would've approved of her resourcefulness, and taken credit for some of that Marie's spunkiness as well!

Mage said...

You also might consider taking their phones away.

Lizard said...

Marie will go far in this world. She is both smart and sensible. And she's kind of kick-ass, too.

Anonymous said...

Why do these kids not have door keys already?

HeroHog said...

If your alarm can be shut of by "flipping a switch" as opposed to punching in a code, it's time for a new alarm panel!

BTW: I suspect your daughter will go far in life with that kind of thinking!

Anonymous said...

I love your girl. Between this and the incident at the scout camp which resulted in injured fingers, if I am remembering correctly, she is kick ass.

WordyGirl said...

She's needs a "Super M" cape :) Seriously.

RehabNurse said...

Grumpy:

Just remind Marie to only use her powers for good. Had a programmer friend who hacked a phone switch (1980s) in the federal government office where his dad worked (all the kids came in to use the computers since there weren't any PCs).

Some of his friends, however, went in and wreaked havoc. This guy was told if he turned over his code, he would not be prosecuted. He did, and ended up with a summer job while he was in college (in another office).

He was a programmer for many years, and I remember him telling me about that incident. He used his powers for good and had a great career.

It was cut short however by complications from his type 1 diabetes. He was also a very nice person. I think of him every time I hear these stories about industrious kids.

Anonymous said...

It's ok, it's almost a ritual for kids to break into their own house. I did this when I was 14 and forgot my key one afternoon. Managed to climb over the fence into the backyard, then knocked the flyscreen out of the bathroom window, reach my hand in through a 10cm gap to wind the window open more, then climbed up the chair to slither into my bathtub. Good times. My dad made sure to always shut that bathroom window tight after that little incident.

But it takes a pretty evil genius to break into your own house then sit there eating popcorn while your brother languishes outside

Anonymous said...

When we were kids out in the boonies (there was quite a bunch of us), we regularly practiced tree climbing skills to the rooftop (it was easier in winter when the snowdrift reached to the eaves) and clambering in and out of the side bedroom window, through the casement window into the basement and sub-basement, but it was quite a nightmare imagining a stranger following our antics after we were old enough to own a TV set. However, coolly siting in front of the TV munching popcorn and directing the action with a cell-phone is the stuff of legends, or at least one for the grandchildren, when they arrive in due time, eh?

Anonymous said...

Heh. As kids we used to throw a sibling's something out the door, then when they went to retrieve it, lock the door, and then rush around locking all the doors and windows, the aim being to do so before they could get back in.

We also had a key hidden outside, but I don't recall any of the victims ever using it. Clearly not as smart as Marie.

yarnwhore said...

Yikes. That could have ended badly: http://reason.com/blog/2015/06/11/11-year-old-boy-played-in-his-yard-cps-t

 
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