So the twins texted me while I was with a patient to say they were locked out, since neither of them had brought a key.
Fortunately, my last 2 patients of the day had cancelled, so we were able to close down early. On the drive home I ignored the text fight that broke out between the kids over whether the front or back yard was a better place to wait.
So I got home to find Craig planted in front of the garage, staring at his phone. He told me Marie had gone into the back yard to wait on the patio, and he didn't think that was a good idea for whatever reason. They were continuing to text insults to each other over which yard was better.
Such are the conflicts that shape our lives.
Anyway, I opened the garage, unlocked the door, and we went in.
To find Marie sitting in front of the TV, eating popcorn, and texting Craig back.
Dr. Grumpy: "Marie, how did you get in here?"
Marie: "I picked the lock on the back door."
Craig: "How did you do that?"
Marie: "I used my student ID to push the first lock in. Then I got Frank's old croquet set and bent one of the hoops around, so I could fit it through the crack and slide the second lock over."
Dr. Grumpy: "How come the burglar alarm didn't go off?"
Marie: "I twisted the croquet hoop the other way, like this, to reach around the corner and flip the alarm switch off."
Craig: "You didn't tell me you were inside! Why didn't you let me in?"
Marie: "Because you called me a bitch for going to the back yard."
We've lived in this house for 12 years, and this is the first time anyone's broken in. My neighborhood must be safer than I ever imagined.