I had a brief thought about trying trying to ask for one at the counter:
"I need a great sparkled fraternity. I mean, a freight spanked fickle lilly. No, wait, a crate mangled fritterfrilly. No? A great teutonic titterwilly? Trait-specific hereditary? Um... fate frazzled hillbilly? Razzle-dazzled pickled lorrie?
"Fuck it. I need a 70-cent stamp."