Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Dear Main Line Health,

A reader sent me a copy of your invitation to an "all girls" activity.

While I, personally, have never had a mammogram (although Craig once slammed a dictionary closed on my chest), I've shown this to several ladies. And they had a few comments on it.

(click to enlarge)





"What's with the fucking mocktails? If you're going to slam my boobs between 2 ice-cold metal plates, the least you can do is buy me a REAL drink!"

"The only reason they're offering a manicure first is so I don't claw the tech to death."

"Define 'light refreshments'. Are we talking a bag of pretzels or some GOOD chocolate?"

"Who the hell is that skinny? I don't think either of them has boobs!"

"Gee, do you think they meant 'just for the girls'" as a double entendre?"

"Bryn Mawr? Can't they afford to buy more vowels?"

"Notice how they show a patient getting a manicure, instead of getting her breasts squashed."

"I don't want to see some stuffy 'expert' in a white coat. Can't they hire Chippendales dancers?"

"Is this a combo thing? Because if someone is trying to do a manicure on me, and I'm having my breast crushed at the same time, I'm not going to be holding still."

20 comments:

Not House said...

The male version, which probably got diverted accidentally, promises pretzels, pizza and prostate exams.

Anonymous said...

ick

Barb

Old MD Girl said...

Yes, everyone IS that skinny out on the Main Line. And that insufferable. This is why Luca and I live in the city.

Anonymous said...

I saw a PSA on CBS last night which promoted doing a self testicular exam on Valentines Day, because you wife will appreciate it.

kc said...

Ha!! I just got my mammogram yesterday (Holy flat tire, Batman!!!)...no mocktails, no manicure, no refreshments other than coffee, but at least the expert in the white coat kindly informed me that in the event of a power outage, the machine would release me.

June Clever said...

Anon, I appreciate it any day that my husband does his own testicular exam.

As for the boob squishing and high tea...WTF? If you've just stuck me and a vise grip and squished part of my anatomy, I don't want to hang out after. Let's just both shuffle our feet and act all weird and awkward and I'll pay my $15 co-pay and be on my way. No need for refreshments. I've got a Mt Dew and stale crackers in my car. I'd rather be alone now, anyway.

Anonymous said...

pardon the pun but different strokes for different folks. if it gets 'em there, why not?

also made me think of a Dr Dino post: http://dinosaurmusings.wordpress.com/2010/06/12/a-smashing-good-time/

Diana said...

Oh I saw that PSA too! "Why give a diamond when you can give the family jewels." I was at first a little shocked but I loved it!!!! I'm just sick that way.

pharmacy chick said...

i remember the first time I had my mammogram..Pharmacy chick is not exactly "well endowed" so I am being forced into all sorts of contortions to try and get as mmuch "tissue" onto the glass plates..(frozen glass apparently). the tech keeps pulling and pulling on my breast when I finally could take it no more I said " Um, YOU DO KNOW THEY ARE ATTACHED RIGHT??"

Carrie said...

Dang it! Not House beat me to the joke.

Anonymous said...

"Wow! It'll be like Sex and the City! Maybe I'll have breast cancer just like Samantha!"

SuFu said...

@pharmacy chick - try being a guy w/o boobs and then having ipsilateral gynocomastia develop for no reason. i have soooooo much respect for women and the shit they have to deal with after having a mammogram.

hannah said...

My hospital holds these things for employees, too. The last one even offered to shuttle you from the main campus to the cancer center in a limo. Usually provide a catered lunch but the real lure is that wine is provided.

w8ng2retirerph said...

Funny thing is, Bryn Mawr actually can afford to buy more vowels. A lot more vowels. But they like to be difficult over there and feel entitled to as many consonants as they like. Which is why I, too, live in the city.

Jules said...

What a bunch of snobs. I'm sure you guys live with all the other blue collar people in south philly, right?

lovinmyjob said...

Why doesn't it show them dressed in those cute little capes they make us wear? You know, the ones that, unless your 20 years old and still perky, the girls peek out the bottom. I like the comment about "bring your friends". I can hear that conversation now,"hey girl, I got a great idea. Let's go get our boobs smashed. We haven't done that in like a year!"

Anonymous said...

I actually have a story to this... A couple years ago I was waiting for my slammogram, and in the waiting area were 4 ladies all chatting and having a grand time. Someone asked them if they all knew each other. One said the 4 of them made their appts every year together and make a day of it. They did this ever since one of them got bad news one day at their yearly test. She said "No one should have to wait alone, not being able to leave for food, wait for the outcome of more tests, with no one there with you. We were here the entire day with her." She went on that one stayed with her, others had their exams and went and got snacks for everyone. I overheard this and was quite inspired by their "boob buddy day".

Anonymous said...

i love the reference to "slammogram" ... unless like pharmacy chick ... i am well endowed ... and they have to do mammogram in sections. so i get to be squashed and pulled and tugged two to three times on each breast. i would go for some chocolate at the end of it.
a girls day of it? ummmm ... not sure ... can't wear deodorant. and i don't think ya'll would like to be around me afterwards. i always go home and shower again, getting the cold metal feel offd

Anonymous said...

Bryn Mawr can afford to buy more vowels, but there weren't any left. Paoli and Lankenau took them all.

- A Bryn Mawr employee

Apple said...

http://youtu.be/VsyE2rCW71o

"I don't want to see some stuffy 'expert' in a white coat. Can't they hire Chippendales dancers?"

 
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