Monday, November 29, 2010
Patient quote of the day
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"I have an excellent sense of smell. I can especially smell vanilla. My husband and I once measured it, and found I can smell an open bottle of vanilla from 8 3/4 miles away."
A Blog detailing the insanity of my medical practice and the stupidity of everyday life.
Welcome to my whining!
This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients, or my everyday life, or anything else may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. I could be making all this up. I may not even be a doctor. The only true statement on here is that I probably drink more Diet Coke than you do. A lot more.
Singing Foo!
Singing Foo!
Twitter fans- you can follow me @docgrumpy
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
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2010
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November
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- Swinging Lawyers, P.C.
- Justifiable homicide
- Patient quote of the day
- 'Tis the season
- Saturday night, 10:54 p.m.
- Dear Family Fun magazine,
- Dreams
- Friday morning
- Skool Nerse Time
- Great drug rep moments
- November 24, 1931
- If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again
- Order! Order in the court!
- Nutritional supplements
- Monday morning incontinence
- Sunday reruns
- Instructions
- Urgent matters
- Can't argue with that
- Trust me. I'm a doctor.
- Specifics
- Why my staff hates me
- My current patient and her husband...
- CanUSA, land of idiot crooks
- Mary's Desk, November 16, 2010
- Anatomy 101
- Dear Dr. Imed,
- More great crooks
- Weekend calls
- You're almost out of time. Play with this.
- Is it hot down here? Or is it just me?
- Oh, for crying out loud!
- Full service neurology
- Veteran's Day, 2010
- Boy, am I thirsty
- Mary's Desk, November 10, 2010
- "I got better"
- "Uh, I'm not buying the melons, just the tomatoes."
- Mary, come shoot me. Now.
- Reliable medical sources
- Moron!
- Phone message, Sunday night, 9:55 p.m.
- More amazing research
- Grumpy, reversed
- Great pharmacy moments
- Now THIS is news
- Taking legal action
- Land shark
- Great office moments
- Medical miracles
- Great parents
- I'm SO flattered
- Puttin' on the ritz
- Mary's Desk, November 1, 2010
- Early morning hospital rounds
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November
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30 comments:
Such a talent!!!
Oh my. This patient and her husband sure know how to have fun, don't they?
Brilliant. She should join the K-9 unit.
"Yeah, this is Officer Stevens. The missing lady was last seen carrying an open bottle of vanilla. Can you call the vanilla tracker in?"
That's quite a talent. Are you sure you're not a veterinarian?
The blood hounds will be jealous.
I'm always shocked that these patients almost always have a spouse. I guess there really is someone out there for everyone...
Sugar Cookies! Yumm...
Bwhahahaha
Wow - boredom really can reveal many hidden talents!
To further expound upon the vanilla comment. My spouse is a law enforcement officer. They once got dispatched to a SuperMarket, specifically the dumpster out back, where an unresponsive man lay passed out. Surrounding him were 20 bottles ( 118mL each)of Vanilla extract -35% alcohol in each bottle. My spouse gave him a hard sternum rub. Nothing. Rubbed his sternum hard again. Still nothing. Pulled him up and his head whacked the dumpster... nothing. Nothing was stirring him. He was out of it! Medics took him away, he was fine when he came to. But I remember my spouse saying, "That was the best smelling drunk I have EVERY encountered."
VinceD for the win ....
Makes me wonder just how scientific their test was. Did they knock on every single door in the area to make sure their test bottle was the only one open? Or did the drive to the middle of nowhere and walk away from each other with him holding the open bottle until she couldn't smell it anymore? Is there a tape measure that would work for that, or what?!
Um, lady, that would be the vanilla you spilt on your hand while opening the bottle.
Sure she can.
other possibilities:
1. woman's concept of "mile" is shaky and/or intuitive
2. spouse likes to maintain a certain distance, say 8-9 miles away, for own purposes
Dr. Grumpy... you have cheated us of the details as to how exactly they conducted the experiment! I mean, I know you don't want to encourage them all. But sometimes don't you just HAVE to ask?!
Some people really need to find lives, ya know?
I just can't believe the essence of this story.....
Anyway, that's nothing...I can smell a twinkie in my car with all the doors and windows locked!
I smell...bullshit?
What a rubbish super power!
Yeah, definitely sidekick material.
Might be a new world record.
8 1/2 miles away and I was upwind of it at the time
The correct reply:
"And I can smell a bullshit artist from, well, back up a couple steps."
the who ca. 1972- i can smell for miles and miles and....
I think they have too much time on their hands is what I think!
Perhaps she confuses miles and feet. Then again, last year I smelled someone's vegetable dip from across the room and thought "That's weird. I normally can't smell that well unless I'm preg...
nant..."
That baby just turned 5 months old.
Ohh Julie, you just reminded me of when I was pregnant with my first baby and rode a bus to work each day. Come the start of the winter, other passengers would get their winter woollies out and start wearing them, and I would smell the mothballs as they got on the bus. Cedar...nice. Naphthalene...ugh. Worst were the people wearing garments made from wool that still had the lanolin in it---uurrrgghhhh.
WOW!! And it was only vanilla. Just think, she would still be walking in the other direction if it was peppermint. I would love to know how that conversation started in the first place. What was your response to this revelation? Were the Guiness people involved in some way? Its not official unless they are you know. I was once part of a five mile leep-frog line, but they didn't show up so it didn't count. Oh well!
It always annoys me when people claim "cranial nerves 1-12 NAD" in their admission notes, when in reality the 1st nerve is almost never tested. In this lady however....
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