Thursday, July 1, 2010

Mary, come shoot me. Now.

Mrs. Labz, a PET scan looks at brain metabolism. As you've read in that bastion of medical science, Reader's Digest, it can be helpful in diagnosing a few neurological diseases.

It has it's limitations. For one thing, it cannot tell me if you have one of these illnesses by doing the test on your dog.

PET stands for Positron Emission Tomography. It does not mean we can learn things about you by testing Fluffy.

Fluffy is cute, but you didn't need to bring her to your appointment. She's scaring Ed.

Have a nice day.


Suburban Princess said...

What about a CAT scan? Is that Fluffy?

instant student said...

Haha, reminds me of a joke..

A woman brought her pet duck Quacksalot to the vet, he wasn't moving and lay limply in her arms. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your pet duck Quacksalot has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.
"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any tests or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around, left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the lab and led it out of the exam room.
She still wasn't convinced though.
So, he returned a few moments later with a cat.
The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head sadly, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The owner cried softly and accepted the sad news.
Then the vet turned to his computer, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. She screamed, "$ 150.00!" $£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.00."

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Yeah, I hear the jokes a lot, but was shocked to have it actually happen. She was serious.

Karen W said...

Oh. My. God.

That's all I have to say.

Anonymous said...

Please tell me you are joking....!

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I wish.

Anonymous said...

autoclave the cat

Cara said...

Hahaha! For some reason I keep picturing a pet psychic asking a dog what it believes is wrong with it's owner. Answer: Her cheese slid off her cracker.

myoclonicjerk said...

I'm from a trendy neighborhood in Los Angeles. There were actually two pet photography studios within of mile of my home. When I moved to a small town in the south, I noticed a building with a sign reading "PET IMAGING CENTER".....yes, I was that stupid.

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