Saturday, May 30, 2009

On Call, Pissed Off, and Pissing

I'm on call again today. In fact, I'm on next weekend, too. For those of you who don't remember how much I LOVE being on call, click here.

Anyway, many wonder where we medical people get our stamina from. Is it an IV Red Bull drip? Is it our nerves of steel? Is it metal clamps applied to sensitive regions of our bodies?

Nope. It's caffeinated beverages and the need to eliminate them.

We all have our poisons. Mine are tea in the winter and Diet Coke in the summer. Many choose coffee. They keep us alert so that we may provide better service to you, our loyal customers. Equally important, however, is the tension that their consumption puts on our bladders. I mean, let's face it. It's hard NOT to be alert when you have to pee a lot, or desperately have to go. It's not like we can just run behind the nearest tree.

In medical school this became such a pre-test phenonemon that my roommate, Enzyme, actually made up a sign that said "PissFest-1989" after the first 2 tests in our M-1 year, and we left it there for the next 4 years. We thought about getting PissFest T-shirts made up, but since they were unlikely to get us girls we decided the effort wasn't worth it.

Wherever you are, Enzyme, I'm still thinking of your sign when I'm on call.

And now, back to the neurology floor. The victims (uh, I mean patients) await.

11 comments:

Kim said...

I'm tellin' ya, there are nights in the ER when the only break you get is by going to the bathroom, so there is another benefit to caffeine in all its forms.

Then again nurses have bladders like camels, so even then the breaks are few and far between...

Pharmacy chick said...

If I didn't have my 930 am coke, I am one grizzly bear.
Have you tried Coke Zero? I can handle the taste of coke zero, but can hardly stomach diet coke.

And I agree with Kim, sometimes the only time I sit all day is when i sit on the pot.

Nurse K said...

I was up for 24 hours last night on 4 hours of sleep. Slept 12 hours today. There is a huge issue when you're so tired that you're nauseated and coffee just makes that worse. I can never quite figure out what to do in that situation.

If I were your college GF, I'd gladly support your wearing of a PissFest T-shirt. A girl who doesn't think that's hilarious is not worth the roll in the hay.

RxMomma said...

I'm singing the oncall, pissed off and pissing song with ya DG.... also on call this weekend, getting zapped to death. Love those iced non-fat lattes w/half shot of vanilla from the coffee shop that keep me going... (There's a drivethru 1 block from the hospital... they know my car.)

Only 32 more hours......

Anonymous said...

I often had to wait so long, I "forgot" that I had to go. All I knew was something was bothering me!

The nurses had a bladder scan contest- the one holding the most one (800ml!)

DreamingTree said...

You are so right, Kim. I'm surprised admin hasn't mandated that we start wearing foleys to cut down on unnecessary breaks.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

PC- yeah, for variety I vary it with Coke Zero, Cherry Coke Zero, and Vault Zero. I stock all 3, hitting the stores during their 5 12-packs for $10 sales.

Nurse K- Been there, too. Usually just try to do water. Too bad you weren't my college girlfriend.

RxMomma- hang in there. They can hurt us, but they can't stop the clock.

DreamingTree and Kim- You don't already wear folies?

Fiz said...

I can't drink any cola drinks or coffee ( I don't care about coke, but I do about coffee - decaff is not the same!). So I couldn't do your jobs! I only drink tea or water plus some stronger substances which I am sure you would never consume at work!

Moppie said...

Do you let your grumpiness show to your more normal patients? I wonder if they're scared of you :)

Julie said...

I have been eating bee pollen lately and it gives me a boost but mostly double strength night shift coffee.

Anonymous said...

I think this blog has promise, or had promise, since the latest stuff seems to be from 2009. Just wondering: Do you accept comments from grumpy patients? What about comments about doctors who don't answer questions?

Like, for instance this real semi-dialogue, "Uh, my eyedrops prescription says I should take it at bedtime but you told me to take it as close as possible to the same time each night. Which is it?"

Response from Ms. Busybusy, M.D., sitting in front of me, pen in hand, Head Shake. No spoken response.

My thought response: What does your dimissive shake mean? Does it mean you assume I go to bed at the same time each night? Or does it mean you think I am pondscum if I don't go to bed at the same time each night and don't practice the kind of iron discipline you practice every self-important moment of your time-pressed day full of money-making decisions? And by the way: Your office staff and assistants are obnoxious, and it all apparently comes from the top. Remember this when you discover that you have lost a patient.

Just wondering, Doc. And so, when the hell should I take the drops? Is it more important to take them as close to the same time as possible each day or is it more important to shut my eyes and be in the dark for the next 8 hours? Pardon me for not knowing this right off the bat. I'll check the Internet.

 
Locations of visitors to this page