Friday, May 29, 2009

Drug Rep From Hell

I like most of my drug reps. I'm sure many medical people will be horrified at me saying that, but it's true. Most of them are decent people, working hard to support their families, just like I work hard to support mine. They have their job and I have mine. No, I'm not getting TV's, trips to Tahiti, or even a cheap pen to say that. It's just true in my experience.

HOWEVER it only takes a few bad ones to give them all a horrible name. I've had my share of bad ones. My current nightmare is Rikki Phoneysmile, who works for Giant Pharma, Inc. This company is known for teaching it's reps to be aggressive and obnoxious, and quickly eliminates reps who actually try to be friendly and well-mannered.

Rikki is a serious pain in the ass. My staff knows to not even ask me if I need anything from her. They just tell her I need none of her samples, and to go away. I keep hoping that if she goes long enough without my signature Giant Pharma, Inc. will demote her to their farm team at the used car lot.

Anyway, today Mrs. Grumpy e-mailed me to get some tomatoes on the way home (off the subject, I have no idea where all these tomatoes are going. She has me pick up tomatoes all the damn time, and I've never seen one on the dinner table in any form). So I stopped at the grocery store.

I'm standing in produce, fondling the tomatoes, when I'm suddenly assaulted by Rikki Phoneysmile! Out of the blue, she's suddenly in my face, between me and my tomato, extolling the virtues, mechanism of action, and low incidence of adverse effects seen with Flatulata, the latest unneeded product from Giant Pharma, Inc.

Rikki has actually, I shit you not, left a shopping cart with 2 small children (oh crap, she's breeding) and her purse in it, about 25 feet away, so she could come capitalize on her chance encounter with your's truly. She even whips out a signature pad, asks me to sign, and says she'll be happy to get me some Flatulata samples out of her trunk.

I frantically looked around for a cop, or someone having a stroke I could run to help, or a judge who could issue me a restraining order on the spot. No such luck. Just a lot of people staring at me and Rikki.

So I said "can you hold this for me?" and handed her the tomato. She automatically reached for it. And I ran out of the store.

Mrs. Grumpy isn't happy about the lack of tomatoes for her arcane purposes. But I consider that the lesser of the two evils.

13 comments:

HugeMD said...

You must be on some magical list that will get her a big bonus if she gets your John Hancock if she accosted you in the grocery store!

Uro*MA said...

I love it! I was unwillingly given the all important job of rep wrangling at my office, no rep gets past me...if i need samples i make them wait in the waiting room for the sig. The newbie reps always say they need to "witness the signature" i just laugh and tell them "no you don't".. Drug reps are a different breed.. I do however have a few that i actually like...

Lipstick said...

Applause to you for leaving her just holding the tomatoes!!!

BTW...I totally LOL about the tomato urgency/mystery of never appearing on the dinner table.

jamiegirl said...

Unfrickin believable...now you know she at least hasn't eaten her young for money! Thanks for the great post...I need a laugh! And I love the tomato handoff.

pharmacy chick said...

Unbelievable. But its similar to when customers corner me off work to ask me questions about their drugs/therapy or complain about something. I've even had people had me hard copies and empty bottles to fill "the next time I am there"....
sheesh. can't I enjoy a day off?

Anonymous said...

bbahahahahahahahahah!!!!

You are awesome.

Tex said...

You should have signed...

Dr. Tom Atoe

LOL

Dragonfly said...

That is hilarious. I saw a GP recently cut off a rep with "I am not going to listen to any of your marketing until I get an apology from your company for flooding my inbox with all that spam about Viagra". The rep spent about 20 minutes trying to explain that spam is actually not from his company :-)

DreamingTree said...

I love it - you sacrificed the tomato! Now the greater mystery: what is Mrs. Grumpy doing with all of those tomatoes? It's probably a test of some sort.

LAW said...

It's a conspiracy .... Rikki is trying to get Flatulata to you via Mrs. Grumpy. So Rikki gets Mrs. Grumpy to frequently request tomatoes so that she can stake out ALL the local produce aisles with two 'rent-a-kids' as cover. The deal pays off as she eventually finds your favorite shopping spot and corners you as you fondle the Tomatulata's ...

OOOOHHHH score for Big (blue) Pharma again ... now Rikki (makeyafeelgood) Phoneysmile knows where your shop!

Tune in next week when Mrs. Grumpy requests corn so Rikki can push her latest samples of Big (blue) Pharma's newest revision to 'Peterpickedapecker' which promises to keep your cucumbers firm and fresh!

Love your blog! :D

Anonymous said...

Well you ole' bastard. Not only did you do that to me in the grocery store, but now you share it with everyone on your little blog. I'll have you know that my children were perfectly safe. I specificaly told the 3 year old to keep a good eye on the 6 month old. I would like to thank you, though, for letting me in on your litte run-around scam at the office. I now know to just ignore that truckload of lies your staff spouts. Finally, thank you for the lovely tomatoe. I, like Mrs. Grumpy, have intentions for it that are utterly unbeknownst to the likes of you.

Sorry it took me awhile to respond, I only just found your site - which if I didn't hate you so much right now - I would say was very entertaining.

Always, Rikki.

The Receptionist said...

I myself am the "rep wrangler" as someone so nicely put it. It's an unfortunate position, they sure do love to talk. But, as you say... some aren't too bad once you look past the nametag and the fake hokey nature. Then, of course, there are the ones who drive me absolutely crazy with that "witness the signature" bull. Give me a break!

Doris said...

You know, I think Mrs. Grumpy is using all these tomatoes for drive bys...have there been reports of inane school workers pelted by tomatoes?

Just a thought...

>:p

 
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