Am I on Candid Camera?

So last week I had to swing by Costco to get Diet Coke and tomatoes (we're now empty nesters, and I still don't know why we need all these tomatoes, or where they're going).

Of course you can't just go to Costco without taking a few laps to see if there's anything new and interesting on the shelves.

As I'm going through a frozen food aisle there's a woman with a cart full of bakery cookies. She's reading the side of a box of ice cream bars like it's a legal contract, looking back at the cookies, looking back at the ice cream. Okay. I'm just sight seeing, so walk on by when...

Ice cream bar lady: "Excuse me, can you help me?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, I don't work here."

Ice cream bar lady: "I work at the Home Depot down the street, and we're having a birthday party there today for one of the other employees. If you worked at Home Depot and were having a birthday party, do you think you'd prefer these bakery cookies or the ice cream bars?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Ummmmm..."

Ice cream bar lady: "We're both part time employees, not full time, if that makes a difference."

Dr. Grumpy: "I'd go with the cookies. It's summer, and the ice cream bars might melt on the way over. The cookies are lower maintenance."

Ice cream bar lady: "Do you think any of the other people at Home Depot this shift might be allergic to nuts, or gluten, or have lactose intolerance?"

Dr. Grumpy: "I have no idea, oh, looks like my tomatoes are spoiling so I better get them home."

Ice cream bar lady: "I can't decide."

Dr. Grumpy: "Have a nice day."

Ice cream bar lady: "Do you think they'd prefer a cake?"

Adventures in Employment

Hi, this is Craig. Hard to believe, but my hair and I are now old enough to allegedly be contributing members of society.

I'm working for a large company here in Grumpyville, and after a few weeks someone noticed that I hadn't filled out a certain form and needed to go to HR for it.

So I went downstairs to HR and went in:

Lady at Desk: "Uh, what?"

Craig: "Hi, I'm Craig Grumpy, I was told I need to..."

Lady at Desk: "What? Are you blind?"

Craig: "No. I'm just here..."

Lady at Desk: "SERIOUSLY? You're going to interrupt a fat girl while I'm eating a donut? What is wrong with you?!!!"

Craig: "Um..."

Lady at Desk: "Go away, try again later."

Religion 101

Dr. Grumpy: "Did you have any other questions?"

Ms. Shiny: "Yes," (she opens her briefcase) "Can I offer you a copy of the Bible?"

Dr.. Grumpy: "Uh, no thank you."

Ms. Shiny: "I have both old and new testament, or both?"

Dr. Grumpy: "That's okay, let me bring you up front."

Ms. Shiny: "How about a copy of The Watchtower?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, no."

Ms. Shiny: "How about a Quran? I have one in here, somewhere."

Dr. Grumpy: "No."

Ms. Shiny: "Um, let me see, Book of Mormon?"

Dr. Grumpy: "No, thank you. My next patient is waiting, so..."

Ms. Shiny: "Bhagavad Gita?"