Magazines at the grocery store check-out line

Sheesh. All I wanted was some hamburger buns, tomatoes, and onion rings.





Reminded me of this.

Thank you, Webhill!

Clothes make the man

Due to a laundry machine catastrophe yesterday, Local Hospital has run out of patient gowns. So they're using a bunch of promotional T-shirts they found in the basement.

As a result, my drooling, incontinent 92 year old male stroke patient, with advanced Alzheimer's disease, is wearing a T-shirt that says "I'm a proud new Daddy!"

With little baby footprints under the word "Daddy."

Sunday musical interlude

Random Saturday pictures

First, in case you've forgotten the obscene kiwi fruit, we have this tomato:







Next we have a store computer showing the blue screen of death, which is generally NOT a selling point:







A reader sent in this coupon for a "fluid exchange". He commented that "if it didn't show a picture of a car, I'd wonder what they were selling with that headline."

Having the place named "BJ's" probably doesn't help, either.






And, lastly, for those of you trying to lose weight for New Year's, keep in mind that there are always alternatives to diet and exercise.

Life in America

In a world of serious problems, it's nice to see lawmakers gutsy enough to tackle the really big issues facing us.

Thank you, Lee!

Corey Hart, where are you?

Dr. Grumpy: "You're looking better today."

Mrs. FosterGrant: "Well I don't feel any better! I have a horrible migraine today. Look at me! I'm even having to wear my sunglasses indoors!"

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, you don't have sunglasses on."

Mrs. Fostergrant: "I don't?" (feels face, then rummages through purse, puts on sunglasses) "Now I do! See? I feel awful!"

Keystone Medical Transport

I want to know if it went bouncing down the street, like in movies.

Thank you, Sam!

Mary, bring me a strong drink

I'm with a patient, when Mary interrupts. There's a hospital call for me. So I pick it up.

Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy."

Dr. Webster: "Hi, I'm the hospitalist taking care of Mrs. Migraine, and I have a question about your note."

Dr. Grumpy: "Okay."

Dr. Webster: "This morning you wrote: 'Brain MRI didn't show an ominous cause for her headaches'."

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes?"

Dr. Webster: "What does 'ominous' mean?"

Wednesday

Dr. Grumpy: "So we'll see how the medication change works. Any questions?"

Mr. Funky: "I'm not happy about this."

Dr. Grumpy: "Not happy about what?"

Mr. Funky: "My visit co-pay. I paid $25 the first time I came here, and then another $25 at my last visit, and now I'm going to have to pay another $25 today. That's $75 to see you for the same damn problem."

Dr. Grumpy: "I understand, but I don't set your co-pay."

Mr. Funky: "It should be one co-pay covers all visits for the year, or something."

Dr. Grumpy: "Your insurance company is the one who decides your co-pay, not me."

Mr. Funky: "Yeah, but I bet you're sleeping with some insurance company bitch."

Junior Achievement

I pick up the kids after work.

Craig: "Dad, can we stop at your office? I need to use the copy machine for my homework."

Dr. Grumpy: "Sure. What's up?"

Craig: "Marie got a homework-free pass she's going to use tomorrow, and I want one, too."

More signs of the apocalyse

Because every toddler should have an iPhone.





This is not a joke, people.

Thank you, Webhill!

Patient quote of the day

"I have high blood pressure. But it's not high high. Usually it's low high or moderate high, sometimes low-high-high. Being really high high is rare."

2-for-1

Dr. Grumpy: "How did the oxygen work for your cluster headaches?"

Mr. Scheele: "Great! It knocked them right out. But I need another tank."

Dr. Grumpy: "They should last a while... How often do you have to use it?"

Mr. Scheele: "Oh, not that often. It's for my dog. He has lung problems, and it's cheaper to get a tank through you than my vet."

Dear Wikipedia,

I think there's a problem with your "Featured Picture" tonight...

(click to enlarge)