Thank you

I just want to post that I am glad I got to grow up and live in a world that had the brilliant Tom Lehrer in it. 

I remember one night in the 70's when my Dad came home with two albums he'd picked up at a carport sale. He'd never heard of Lehrer before, either, but they'd caught his eye.

The first one he put on was "An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer." As the first song "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" crackled over the speakers I remember laughing hysterically until I was crying. This continued, as we went from that record to "That Was The Year That Was." I completely lost it over "Pollution."

I've never stopped listening to him. Probably the only mathematics professor I can say that about.

His entire output was surprisingly small, all of it created over a few years in the 1950's - 1960's (with a few for the kids' show "The Electric Company" in the 70's) before he decided he'd had enough.

Although there have been many good ones, to me American satire songwriters are, at the highest level, limited to a trinity of Tom Lehrer, Weird Al Yankovic, and Allan Sherman.

Those of you who have no idea who I'm talking about, just Google him. Listen to his songs (and the preceding live introductions). Some of it is dated, most not, but all of it is excellent.

Thank you for the music, Tom.

IG

Discerning

Mary returned from lunch to find an older fellow sitting in the lobby, quietly reading. We didn't have any patients scheduled for that time.

Mary: "Hi, can I help you, sir?"

Mr. Natgeo: (turns a page, doesn't look up) "Thank you, I have an appointment with Dr. Intouch."

Mary: "Her office is right across the hall, this is Drs. Grumpy & Pissy's office."

Mr. Natgeo: "I know, I told them I'm in here, they said they'll come get me when they're ready to take me back."

Mary: "Oh, okay. Her lobby must be packed today."

Mr. Natgeo: "No, it's just that you guys have much better magazines."

Am I on Candid Camera?

So last week I had to swing by Costco to get Diet Coke and tomatoes (we're now empty nesters, and I still don't know why we need all these tomatoes, or where they're going).

Of course you can't just go to Costco without taking a few laps to see if there's anything new and interesting on the shelves.

As I'm going through a frozen food aisle there's a woman with a cart full of bakery cookies. She's reading the side of a box of ice cream bars like it's a legal contract, looking back at the cookies, looking back at the ice cream. Okay. I'm just sight seeing, so walk on by when...

Ice cream bar lady: "Excuse me, can you help me?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, I don't work here."

Ice cream bar lady: "I work at the Home Depot down the street, and we're having a birthday party there today for one of the other employees. If you worked at Home Depot and were having a birthday party, do you think you'd prefer these bakery cookies or the ice cream bars?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Ummmmm..."

Ice cream bar lady: "We're both part time employees, not full time, if that makes a difference."

Dr. Grumpy: "I'd go with the cookies. It's summer, and the ice cream bars might melt on the way over. The cookies are lower maintenance."

Ice cream bar lady: "Do you think any of the other people at Home Depot this shift might be allergic to nuts, or gluten, or have lactose intolerance?"

Dr. Grumpy: "I have no idea, oh, looks like my tomatoes are spoiling so I better get them home."

Ice cream bar lady: "I can't decide."

Dr. Grumpy: "Have a nice day."

Ice cream bar lady: "Do you think they'd prefer a cake?"

Adventures in Employment

Hi, this is Craig. Hard to believe, but my hair and I are now old enough to allegedly be contributing members of society.

I'm working for a large company here in Grumpyville, and after a few weeks someone noticed that I hadn't filled out a certain form and needed to go to HR for it.

So I went downstairs to HR and went in:

Lady at Desk: "Uh, what?"

Craig: "Hi, I'm Craig Grumpy, I was told I need to..."

Lady at Desk: "What? Are you blind?"

Craig: "No. I'm just here..."

Lady at Desk: "SERIOUSLY? You're going to interrupt a fat girl while I'm eating a donut? What is wrong with you?!!!"

Craig: "Um..."

Lady at Desk: "Go away, try again later."

Religion 101

Dr. Grumpy: "Did you have any other questions?"

Ms. Shiny: "Yes," (she opens her briefcase) "Can I offer you a copy of the Bible?"

Dr.. Grumpy: "Uh, no thank you."

Ms. Shiny: "I have both old and new testament, or both?"

Dr. Grumpy: "That's okay, let me bring you up front."

Ms. Shiny: "How about a copy of The Watchtower?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, no."

Ms. Shiny: "How about a Quran? I have one in here, somewhere."

Dr. Grumpy: "No."

Ms. Shiny: "Um, let me see, Book of Mormon?"

Dr. Grumpy: "No, thank you. My next patient is waiting, so..."

Ms. Shiny: "Bhagavad Gita?"

AUGHHHH!!!!! Cooties!

As occasionally happens, a drug rep called to see if the staff wanted anything from Local Coffee. Since they aren't above free caffeine (Dr. Pissy and I certainly aren't) they gave her an order list.

Mary ordered me my usual extra-tall triple-caffeine espresso mocha cortado cappuccino grande queso fundido.

So Ms. Pharma shows up. Pissy and I went up and gave her a few minutes of our attention about her miracle drug to thank her for keeping the staff awake. When she was done she handed us our drinks. I began sipping mine as I headed back to my office.

When I set it on my desk I realized her lipstick was on the straw.