Guy in suit comes in and stands at the front. Mary was tied up on the phone, and Pissy's staff had run out to pick up lunch. So I walked over to deal with him.
Dr. Grumpy: "Hi, can I help you?"
Suit guy: "HI! I'm your rep for the all-new Ginsu surgery center! Are YOU" (
points finger at me) "Dr. Grumpy?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, yeah, but I don't do..."
Suit guy: "I'm here to get YOU, Dr. Grumpy" (
points finger at me) "to start doing YOUR outpatient procedures at the all-new Ginsu surgery center! What kind of outpatient surgical procedures do you do that we can help YOU, Dr. Grumpy" (
points finger at me) "with?"
Dr. Grumpy: "None, actually, I'm a neurologist and..."
Suit guy: "Of course you do! ALL doctors have procedures! Which ones do YOU, Dr. Grumpy" (
points finger at me) "do?"
(I look around. I'm alone. I hear Mary, with Pissy's returned secretary, out in the hall trying not to crack up in hysterics)
Dr. Grumpy: "EEG's. But those aren't..."
Suit guy: "We don't do THOSE at the all-new Ginsu surgery center, but we can help YOU, Dr. Grumpy" (
points finger at me) "achieve better results on your outpatient laparoscopic appendectomies, gall bladder removals, and orthopedic arthroscopies. Why don't YOU, Dr. Grumpy" (
points finger at me) "give the all-new Ginsu surgery center a try? I bet YOU, Dr. Grumpy" (
points finger at me) "would be pleasantly surprised at what we can do for YOU, Dr. Grumpy" (
points finger at me) "and your patients!"
Dr. Grumpy: "Look, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude, but you're wasting your time here. I'm a neurologist. I don't do surgery of any kind."
Long pause
Suit guy: "None at all?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Zero. Nada. Zilch."
Suit guy: "Okay, so what do you, um, Dr. Grumpy" (
sort-of points finger at me) "as a, uh neurologist doctor do, exactly?"
Dr. Grumpy: "I sit at a desk all day and try to look smart."
Longer pause
Suit guy: "Um, I mean... uh..."
He left.
