I feel incontinent. Let's go for a drive!

Actual manufacturer's info for Botox:

Fool me once...

Wednesday, July 17

Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."

Miss Luthor: "Hi, I'm so sorry, I have an appointment in 1 hour, and I have to cancel it. I'm really sick today."

Mary: "I'm sorry. Would you like to reschedule?"

Miss Luthor: "Yes. Can I come in next Wednesday, at the same time?"

Mary: "Okay... Wednesday, July 24... Looks good! We'll see you then, and I hope you feel better."

Miss Luthor: "Thank you!"


Wednesday, July  24

Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."

Miss Luthor: "Hi, I'm so sorry, I have an appointment in 30 minutes and I have to cancel it. I can't get a ride today."

Mary: "Okay..."

Miss Luthor: "I'd like to reschedule to..."

Mary: "I'm sorry, but our office policy is that we don't allow 2 last-minute cancellations."

Miss Luthor: "But I really need to see the doctor! I've heard such good things about him!"

Mary: "I'm sorry, but that's our policy."

Miss Luthor: "Can't you make an exception? I told you! I'm really sick today!"

Mary: "I thought you couldn't get a ride today? You said you were sick last week."

Miss Luthor: "Okay, yes, you're right, I can't get a ride today. And I'm sick too! It's both!"

Mary: "Have a nice day." (hangs up)

We're talking A.D., right?

I was doing a survey recently, and this question came up:

1930? WTF?

I mean, let's do the math here. Realistically (unless you're Dougie Houser) if I qualified in neurology in 1930, it means I'd be 109 now. I'm not saying it's impossible, but pretty damn unlikely.

Of course, there are exceptions.

Patient quote of the day

"All my memories, without exception, are of things that happened in the past. I don't have any other kinds of memories, and I'm really worried about this."

Meow

Dr. Grumpy: "I don't like the sound of this... I want to admit you directly to the hospital. Let me make some calls."

Miss Felid: "Okay... But what about Mr. Fluffles?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, what about him?"

Miss Felid: "Will you take care of him?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Can't your daughter go over to your house?"

Miss Felid: "But he's not there!"

She sets her large purse on the desk, and Mr. Fluffles looks out to see what's going on.

Dr. Grumpy: "Oh! I had no idea you had him here."

Miss Felid: "So can you take care of him?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Why don't I call your daughter?"

Miss Felid: "You've really hurt his feelings."

Random weekend pictures

 Time to hit the mailbag.

The first item is this gadget. In all honesty, I had no idea there was a market (especially in "scenic region") for an explosion-proof telephone

Next is this game, which was seen recently at the store. If your "favourite childhood memories" are from the late 1800's, the odds are your kids won't be impressed with it at this point in their lives.

Here we have a gift bag from a child's sports-themed birthday party. They probably should have folded the left margin a little more carefully.

Here's a product that I had no idea existed. I guess it can be used for cooking, for edible jet engines, and, uh, other practices.

And, lastly is this device. Which sounds like a bad pick-up line.

"Light & easy to handle." Snicker.

Great patient quotes

Dr. Grumpy: "Have you had anything stressful going on?"

Mr. Golf: "No. Look, doc, I'm retired. REALLY retired. If I tried to relax any more I'd be comatose."

He's dead, Jim

This question came up on a survey last night (PD = Parkinson's Disease):

I really love the 5th answer. In all honesty, I can't recall ever having received a patient referral from a pathologist.

Which is probably good.

Department of the Obvious

Actual headline this afternoon in USA Today:

Thank you, SMOD!

Tuesday afternoon

Mary: "I can't believe it's this empty."

Dr. Grumpy: "Maybe because it's summer."

Mary: "The phone is barely ringing this afternoon."

Dr. Grumpy: "You should start calling people."

Mary: "Who should I call?"

Dr. Grumpy: "I don't know. Just get out an old phone directory, and start randomly calling people. Tell them they have an appointment tomorrow."

Mary: "Yeah, right. Who's going to believe that?"

Dr. Grumpy: "When they say you have a wrong number, tell them they were referred for memory loss."

IT'S A MIRACLE! HALLELUJAH!

Dr. Grumpy: "What can I do for you, sir?"

Mr. Wheelchair: "My legs are completely paralyzed! I can't walk!"

Dr. Grumpy: "How long has this been going on?"

Mr. Wheelchair: "2 months, and no one can find a cause for it."

Dr. Grumpy: "Do you..."

(patient's cell phone rings, and he looks at it)

Mr. Wheelchair: "Hang on, doc, I have to take this. Let me step out."

(Gets out of wheelchair, walks out to lobby, mumbles into phone for a minute, hangs up, comes back and sits in wheelchair)

Mr. Wheelchair: "Anyway, they tell me there's nothing wrong with me, and that my tests are normal. It's very frustrating, because I can't move my legs at all, and..."

Thank you for this interesting consult

Actual chart note I saw on Friday:


"Patient has history of Alzheimer's disease. Currently has obvious memory deficits. Will consult neurology to see if they can find a cause for his memory loss."

Broadcast journalism

Yes, folks, this actually aired today on California TV station KTVU.






They've since apologized, and both they and the NTSB are blaming the error on an unidentified "summer intern."

Patient quote of the day

From a retired surgeon:

"I had surgery for osteomyelitis as a kid. We didn't have all that fancy antibiotic shit they do now."