Bruce writes in with today's post. He's a yak herder north of me, in the foothills of Mount Wannahockaloogie. Today, however, he's pretending to be a pediatric lung specialist.Until recently I thought there were just 4 classes of smokers identified by their answer to the question "Do you smoke?":
1. The righteous nonsmoker who responds, "We do not, and anybody who lights up around my child will be shot on sight"
2. The rabid smoker "Yeah - and so what? Anyone who bugs me about my smoking is shot on sight". This guy always has the most interesting messages on his t-shirts.
3. The drive by smoker comes into clinic smelling like a Carolina tobacco barn. She doesn't smoke herself but her clothing stinks because her (husband, girlfriend, dog, neighbor) smokes. I have been tempted to suggest she take off all her clothing whenever she's around her (husband, girlfriend, dog, neighbor).
4. The nature-loving smoker is the most common type that I encounter. She only smokes outside; never around the kids. All the plants in front of her house are dying.
Recently I met a new variety, who also never smokes around the kids. He told me that "when we smoke we send the kids outside, so they don't breathe it in". I dared not ask what they did when they wanted to smoke while driving.
I also get very interesting responses when I ask if children have allergies. Not long ago I had parents refuse to give their wheezing boy any asthma medication because he was allergic to chemicals, like in medicine, but not allergic to anything organic. I refrained from discussing organic chemistry and that almost all modern medications are organic compounds. There was no future in that conversation.
I did, however, review the results of their son's allergy tests showing reactions to moulds, house dust mites, and the organic family cat. These concerned carbon-based life forms replied that all the results REALLY showed was an allergy to the chemicals used in making the needle used for skin prick testing.
I will retreat now, to my aluminum-clad safe room.
