Wednesday afternoon

Mary interrupted me when I was with a patient. A doctor who's never sent me a patient needs to talk to me urgently.


Dr. Grumpy: "This is Ibee Grumpy."

Dr. Doesntrefertome: "Hi! I need you to do a spinal tap on one of my patients. Urgently, like, this afternoon."

Dr Grumpy: "What's going on?"

Dr. Doesntrefertome: "I think she has meningitis."

Dr. Grumpy: "That's serious. You need to send her to ER."

Dr. Doesntrefertome:: "I don't want to send her to ER. Can't you do it in your office?"

Dr. Grumpy: "I don't do them in my office. I haven't had a spinal tray here for years. She needs to go to ER."

Dr. Doesntrefertome: "That's ridiculous! What kind of neurologist doesn't do taps?."

Dr. Grumpy: "I do them, I just don't do them in the office. I don't have the space or equipment."

Dr. Doesntrefertome: "This lady is SICK, dammit! You need to get a tray and do one. TODAY!"

Dr. Grumpy: "Then she needs to go to ER. If she really has meningitis, this is an emergency. She needs urgent evaluation and treatment. Send her to local ER. I can consult on her there. But this sort of thing shouldn't be worked up in the office."

Dr. Doesntrefertome: "This lazy attitude is why I don't refer to you." (hangs up phone)

Things that make me grumpy

Yes, it's election season in America, again.

My international readers likely think this only happens every 4 years, when we elect some poor sucker to be President. But we have mid-term elections every 2 years. And there's pretty much some local election 1-2 times a year, for mayor, or dog-catcher, or dirt lot inspector. Or we're voting on some proposition to raise/lower taxes or build/not build a school/landfill/baseball stadium. Voting is a way of life here.

I have nothing against democracy. But it has a dark side (not including the politicians).

I HATE all those damn signs that start to show up on street corners and vacant lots this time of year. By the boatload. They seem to spring up overnight. And never come down.

It's the last part that really drives me nuts. Months after an election is over, the signs will still be up. The winner is too busy to take them down. The loser is too depressed to do the same. And so they sit there as an eyesore, until it's time for the next election. Then they get pulled down by the next crop of office-seeking idiots.

My political career is limited. When I was 12 I ran for treasurer of my 7th grade class, and lost. I don't think I ran a very good campaign. For that matter, I really don't think I knew what a treasurer did. I honestly have no idea why I did it. I suspect it had something to do with recently having noticed girls (in retrospect, I don't think the class treasurer got the chicks).

But my school had a damn good rule about elections: The winners wouldn't be announced until every damn sign was gone. Granted, I know that's impractical on a nationwide scale, but there's got to be some answer to deal with these eyesores. Why can't we restrict it to signs can't be up more than 30 days before and 30 days after an election? Violators will be fined/disqualified/sterilized.

On a side note, I strongly believe in the political theory proposed in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" that anyone who actually wants to be President/Prime Minister/Chief Goombah so badly to run for the office is automatically too insane to hold the job. We need to find a way to identify the person who is least interested in the job, and then put them in charge. Just don't let them figure out what they're really doing.

Does it have a seat warmer?

Okay, for those of you who loved the walker locked to a street sign from last week, my reader Greg has submitted this wheelchair locked to a bike rack.

In snow.

Thank you, Greg!





15% off a scrubs jacket purchase with coupon code "jackets_t3c"

Good thing it's not lunchtime, yet

Dr. Grumpy: "Are you allergic to any medications?"

Mr. Taco: "Mexican food gives me gas."

Sentence structure- It means something

This ad for a charity really could have been worded better.





From Fail Blog.

Monday Afternoon Reading

With my office closed today for the 3-day weekend, we took the kids back to the waterpark. While relaxing in the shade I caught up on my reading and learned that:

1. Patients with Alzheimer's disease have a higher rate of memory loss than people without Alzheimer's disease (Neurology Reviews, May, 2010).

2. Multiple Sclerosis patients with balance problems have a higher rate of falls than MS patients without balance problems (Clinical Neurology News, May, 2010).

3. I suspect one or both of the above studies could have been written by a lady who I saw at the park, who was chewing out a lifeguard because she (gasp!) got wet while floating on the lazy river.

More Acronyms From Hell (AFH)

I'd like to thank Whitney for submitting this. She says it was proudly displayed at her Pharmacy School.

(click to enlarge)

4th of July

Today we went to the waterpark. Among the posted rules, I was horrified to see "Local Waterpark is not responsible for sunburn."

WTF is the world coming to? People are actually suing waterparks for sun exposure? Isn't the sun something you encounter, like air and water? Isn't there already a boatload of info out there about such things as sunscreen or protective clothing? Are people really this stupid? (sigh, I know)

It's a good thing they had that notice up, because when Craig and I went on the lazy river there was a guy going around it endlessly, snoring away, and being gradually transformed into a leather handbag.

One water slide that Marie really likes turns you sideways as you go down it, and you swing back and forth between 2 high sides, gradually coming to a stop. While we were waiting in line for our 3rd time there was suddenly a loud scream, and as we watched a teenage girl came down the slide- followed a few seconds later by her bikini top. The girl was frantically trying to cover herself and hold onto the inner tube at the same time, to the great amusement of pretty much everyone. The girl didn't seem very happy about the round of applause she earned, or the multiple requests for an encore.

My kids spend all their time at waterparks doing one of 5 things:

1. Playing together.

2. Playing apart.

3. Fighting because they are playing together.

4. Fighting because they are playing apart.

5. Whining about other topics.

As a result, Mrs. Grumpy and I spend a fair amount of time trying not to referee these disputes. We hide from the kids. Usually the days end when they all find us at once.

Then they bitch and moan about having to go home, claiming they'd just started having fun.

Open to interpretation

I got dragged in to see a hospital consult this morning. The admitting physician's note featured this:

(click to enlarge)

Back to the Future

This afternoon we took the kids to see Toy Story 3. And, of course, the obligatory previews.

Watching the previews (and the movie), there were 2 themes that seemed remarkable:

1. Digital animation and special effects get more awesome every year.

2. Our music tastes in movie soundtracks are still living in the 1970's and 1980's.

It's not like they've stopped making music since the mid-80's. Maybe using these soundtracks increases the appeal to adults (I'm not complaining, believe me. Just making the observation). Maybe it's all they can think of. Maybe it's cheap. But consider:

Toy Story 3 (itself a franchise 15 years old, which is really hard for me to believe) features the songs "Dream Weaver" (Gary Wright, 1976) and "Le Freak" (Chic, 1978).

Movies shown in the previews included the upcoming animation flicks:

Alpha and Omega, about 2 wolves, featuring "Hungry Like the Wolf" (Duran Duran, 1982).

Megamind about a superhero and his arch-foe, featuring "Highway to Hell" (AC/DC, 1979)


Not only that, as if the 1980's revival thus far of 2010 (The A-Team, Clash of the Titans, Nightmare on Elm Street, and The Karate Kid) isn't enough, movies coming out in the rest of 2010 include:

Tron- Legacy (original Tron, 1982) which will feature Bruce Boxleitner and Jeff Bridges again.

Red Sonja (Original Red Sonja, 1985) which I'm assuming will not feature Arnold Schwarzenegger this time.

And even more frightening, 2011 is bringing us a new Smurfs movie.

Saturday afternoon, 12:37 p.m.

"Um, hello, I need to see a neurologist. I have seizures, caused by seeing red and blue flashing lights. So I need some sort of note saying that cops can't ever pull over a car that I'm driving, no matter what, because it would be bad for my health. It should be, like, something that should be in the police database so that all cops everywhere know that they can't pull me over. I also sometimes have seizures triggered by being near cops, and they need to know that, too. No one else will write these notes for me, and this is really urgent, so I need to get in right away, before my court date. Please call me back."

So if the walker is there, where's the patient?

I'd like to thank my reader Boris for submitting this picture. It's of a walker, bike-locked to a street sign. He says he took the shot last week in front of a pharmacy.

Patient quote of the day

"I have blood pressure spontaneously. I mean, I don't always have blood pressure, because most of the time I don't, but sometimes, out of the blue, it occurs."

Blatant Plagiarism

Okay, gang, my esteemed colleague The Frantic Pharmacist wrote a post yesterday about life in the pharmacy biz that was so awesome I just have to share it here.

When Will Other Businesses get their act together and run like a pharmacy?

by Frantic Pharmacist

When you think about it, retail pharmacy is sort of a unique undertaking, and after a long day filled with customers' inattentiveness, strange requests, weird questions, lack of information, non-English speaking interactions, half-believable stories and total guesswork as to what THE HELL they really want I keep wondering what other retail businesses would do if faced with our average day.

For instance, I tried to imagine, the......

TOP TEN THINGS OVERHEARD IN A FURNITURE STORE THAT RUNS LIKE A PHARMACY

1. "I need to get a dining room chair -- well, maybe more of a bar stool or a recliner.... I got one a while ago, it may have been blue or green, but it's some sort thing you sit on, anyway, made by company starting with 'S' or "W".....could you check your computer to see if I've ever bought anything like that before and can I get another one? Go ahead, read me the list and I'll see if anything rings a bell."

2. I talked to someone in your Chicago store who said they would figure out what it was and then call you and have you put it aside for me. I don't know who I talked to . Can you call them?

3. if I describe my dining room to you can you tell me what I might need or what's missing? -- and then how much it (whatever it is) will cost?

4. I have a discount coupon for some kind of chair or table but I didn't bring it with me. Can you look me up on your mailing list to prove that I did get one in the mail so you can give me the discount price? Or, can you call my wife/husband at home and they will read it to you? How long will that take?

5. My neighbor's' going to pay for it. You'll have to call him to get his credit card number.

6. I think I bought a sleeper sofa back in 1989 that was only $200. Why is it more now? It's always been $200.... or maybe it was a desk......anyways I know I bought it here.

7. I'm having company tonight -- can you give me a couple of chairs to get me through the weekend and I'll (maybe) come back next week and get the rest.

8. I need six of them, but once you get it loaded in my car and the paperwork is totally complete I'll probably change my mind and only decide to take three.

9. I lost that lamp I bought 2 days ago... is there some way I can get another one without paying for it again?

10. You know what? ---maybe it's actually a rug I'm looking for......

And remember, furniture can't kill you. I think the average furniture store employee would walk away from this pretty fast, but in pharmacy it's just another day.