Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Words



“Train wreck,” for the uninitiated, is medical slang for a patient with EVERYTHING wrong.

Example: “Mr. Smith in the ICU, room 17, is a train wreck. He has metastatic cancer and advanced renal disease. He was getting dialysis yesterday when he suffered a heart attack and then went into respiratory failure. He’s on a ventilator now, and has developed sepsis.”

Anyway

One day back in residency we were doing our usual morning rounds, presenting cases to the attending. My friend Zack was telling him about a guy he'd admitted the previous night.

Zack: “Okay, the next one, in ICU room 7, is a train wreck. He…”

Dr. Proper: “NEVER SAY THINGS LIKE THAT! Patients are people, and I don’t want to hear slang! Present the case to me in medical terms."

Zack: “I'm sorry, but I mean…"

Dr. Proper: “STOP! Let’s try this again. Why is the man in room 7 in the hospital?”

Zack: “Um, he was driving his car and was hit by a train."

9 comments:

bobbie said...

***Snork!!***

Anonymous said...

He could had said the patient experienced a sudden de-acceleration involving a motor vehicle and a train,resulting in blunt force truma.

Jono said...

I actually DID laugh out loud that time. I do feel bad for the patient, though.

Ms. Donna said...

Like bobbie, I am sniggering, but have to agree with Dr. Proper.

was1 said...

sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Anonymous said...

"And his name actually is Gomer."

Tarquin "R.J." Toffeebridge V said...

"It was a prophylactic-related injury to the anus sustained during sexual activity, which is why I said the patient was a fucking scumbag asshole."

John Woolman said...

Back in the day, more than1600 days agon now, one the post take ward round, the attending says to the distinctly non-coping gentleman, admitted for the umpteenth time with a minor overdose -"you really have to learn to stand on your own two feet". Resident - "Um, sir, that's his artificial leg under the bed"... Happy days.

Tom Bridgeland said...

We use the phrase 'hot mess' for folks with everything going wrong.

 
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