Wednesday, June 14, 2017

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Dr. Grumpy's crack team of reporters continue to bring you the stories that shape your world.

The summer amusement park season is upon us, and unfortunately tragedy has already struck at America's most legendary one.

This past Friday night 17 people, including 6 innocent children, were enjoying an up-till-then fun day at Disneyland. They were standing near Sleeping Beauty's castle when they were horrifically splattered with a large volume of bird poop from a passing flock of geese.

An unidentified bystander, who apparently doesn't know shit, called 911 to report that someone was throwing human turds at people.

This resulted in a city HazMat team being dispatched to the scene, hopefully in those bright yellow suits so people would think they were re-enacting a child alert from Monsters, Inc.

The crappy situation was resolved by taking the victims to a "private restroom" (what does that mean, anyway? No one has used it since Walt died, like the room over the fire station?). There they were provided with clean clothes ("Birds shit on me at Disneyland and all I got was this crappy T-shirt").

At press time the geese were unavailable for comment.

25 comments:

lost lenore said...

Orange County is full of these undocumented alien Canada geese. Build a wall!

Old RPh said...

This is why I go to Dr G's site. You can't find this news anywhere else.

kjax said...

Hide and watch. Before it's all over with, someone will be suing Disney for not protecting them from the geese.

Tarquin "R.J." Toffeebridge V said...

Maybe it's time for Donald Duck to start wearing pants.

Anonymous said...

"No, kids, that was just Tinker Bell sprinkling fairy dust."

Stacey Gordon said...

Apparently geese can't read the NOTAMS that the FAA publishes. The airspace over Disneyland and Disney world is restricted airspace. Both covered by TFR's (Temporary Flight Restrictions-although they are permanent actually):

Issue Date : October 27, 2014 at 1550 UTC
Location : DISNEYLAND THEME PARK, ANAHEIM, California near SEAL BEACH VORTAC (SLI)
Beginning Date and Time : October 27, 2014 at 1500 UTC
Ending Date and Time : Permanent
Reason for NOTAM : Temporary flight restrictions for Special Security Reasons
Type : Security
Replaced NOTAM(s) : 9/5145: TO REFLECT A TRANSPORTATION SECURITY ADMINISTRATION (TSA)WEBSITE UPDATE AND ADDITIONAL INFORMATION CONCERNING AIRSPACE WAIVERS.
Jump To: Affected Areas
Operating Restrictions and Requirements
Other Information
Affected Area(s) Top
Airspace Definition:
Center: On the SEAL BEACH VORTAC (SLI) 066 degree radial at 6.8 nautical miles. (Latitude: 33º48'05"N, Longitude: 117º55'17"W)
Radius: 3 nautical miles
Altitude: From the surface up to and including 3000 feet AGL
Effective Date(s):
From October 27, 2014 at 1500 UTC
To Permanent
4/3635

Click for Sectional
NOTAM Text
Operating Restrictions and Requirements Top
No pilots may operate an aircraft in the areas covered by this NOTAM (except as described).

Anonymous said...

Worst of all, this made them lose their place in line for the Guardians of the Galaxy ride.

Anonymous said...

Maybe "private restroom" = Tarzan's Treehouse?

Anonymous said...

We need a cottage industry to start marketing something along the lines of easily portable all condition, all-weather hand-operated mechanical handheld aerial protection devices in Disneyland-themed colors.

Anonymous said...

Splash Mountain.

Anonymous said...

The Splatterhorn.

Anonymous said...

Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Doo

Anonymous said...

Dumpo.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Turd's Wild Ride.

Anonymous said...

It's a smell world after all.

Anonymous said...

Suspiciously enough, the geese appeared to have been fed a diet of nothing but boysenberries...

Crazy RxMan said...

Oh bother! How much worse if it had been POOh Bear?

Anonymous said...

Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Poo

Packer said...

Best run of puns ever,

bobbie said...

Agree with Packer ~ thanks for the giggles, gang!

A. Marie said...

M-I-C-K-E-Y G-O-O-S-E!

Anonymous said...

It's amazing how lifelike those new audio-animatronics are in the Enchanted Tiki Room.

Jono said...

Compared to the rest of the shit in the news this is wonderful!

Mage said...

LOL Thanks.

Anonymous said...

So, does anyone else have to click the link to get to the original article because it just can't be possibly true? Anyone, anyone...no, just me?

 
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