DATELINE: Windsor, England.
Legoland was discovered to have a surprisingly large and sophisticated marijuana operation on the amusement park's premises. The plants, some 3 feet high and surrounded by grow-lights and a watering system, were found in an unused storage shed.
The suspects are believed to have entered the park by crossing through land owned by the Queen. To date Her Majesty has had no comment.
It's unknown if the area will be worked into an attraction for the new Lego Batman movie, or perhaps an attraction called Lego Robin's Magic Garden.
Daniel Marchese was found in a stopped, but running, car in the middle of an intersection, going in & out of consciousness. When awake he would expose himself to passersby. He was dressed in pink lingerie. Officers who investigated also found he had an open bottle of whiskey and 2 handguns with him.
I swear to God I am not making any of that up.
Mr. Marchese threatened officers and was taken into custody. He's been charged with a remarkable assortment of things, including drunken driving, indecent exposure, fighting with officers, aggravated assault, and weapons offenses.
I can only assume he was going to a rally for cross-dressing supporters of both the 2nd & 21st amendments.
John Haskew attempted to conduct a fraudulent wire transfer, hoping no one would notice. The amount, however, was $7 billion (you read that correctly) which tends to get attention.
His excuse, upon being arrested, was that Jesus had told him to do it because he created wealth for everyone, and this was Mr. Haskew's share.
The accused told police that he was "self-taught on the banking industry."
A man who - I swear - used his wife's phone to set up Uber transportation so that he could have an affair - is suing the ride service for $45 million for causing him to get divorced.
A glitch in the app kept sending notifications to his wife about where he was going, even though he'd logged out of it. She got kind of suspicious.
Apparently his lady dumping him is now Uber's fault, and has nothing to do with him, say, cheating on her.
The moral here is this: if you're cheating on your spouse, don't use their phone to arrange it. Use something secure, like Ashley Madison.