Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Microbiology

Lady walks in, stands at desk.


Mary: "Hi, can I help you?"

Mrs. Pasteur: "Do you realize there are GERMS on your doorknob?"

Mary: "Ummm..."

Mrs. Pasteur: "This is unacceptable for a medical office. Do you have some Purell?"

Mary silently hands her a bottle of Purell. The lady wipes off the doorknob (which isn't, say, visibly filthy).

Mrs. Pasteur: "I'm here for my 11:00 appointment."

Mary: "Let me give you some forms to fill out, and can I get a copy of your insurance card?”

Mrs. Pasteur: "You just touched the pen! And the clipboard! Don't you wear gloves? Whatever happened to personal hygiene?!!!"

Mary: "I..."

Mrs. Pasteur: "I'm going elsewhere. I don't think your office is safe."


She heads for the door, turns back, grabs a Kleenex off the counter, uses it to turn the doorknob she'd just wiped off, drops the tissue on the floor, and leaves.


28 comments:

Crazy RxMan said...

I'll bet she's a lot of fun at parties.

Anonymous said...

Dr Grumpy, your patients can't all be this bad!
Promise me that you make these stories up.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I don't make them up.

Yes, most of my patients aren't this bad. But who wants to read about normal (whatever that is)?

Titan Mk6B said...

I work with a guy like that. It gives me endless hours of enjoyment.

Medic2RN said...

I once worked with an ER doctor like that. One time, a patient touched his sleeve. He cut it off with his trauma shears and washed his arm like he was preparing for surgery. Why he chose ER for his career while being a germaphobe is beyond me.

awesomesauciness said...

Ahhh...I see you've met Ms. Hughes, Howard's great-granddaughter.

The Other Elle said...

She needed another doctor anyway. Mary should have told her that Dr. Shrink's office was two doors down on the left.

obx said...

Well it is cold and flu season! Can ya blame the woman? De-germ your office, Grumpy! ;)

Anonymous said...

And she's done this routine in how many other offices, I wonder.

Send her a bill for missing her appointment.

bobbie said...

Goodbye and good riddance!!

Packer said...

In my church there is part of the service where we shake hands with those around us, wishing each other well , I swear I see hand sanitizer bottles being withdrawn and used shortly thereafter. May peace of God be with you but keep your mung to yourself.

Anonymous said...

I once worked with a doctor who would wash a pack of saltines with soap and hot water.

Mari said...

The fact that she threw the tissue on the floor at the end literally made me laugh out loud.

Anonymous said...

can she come and clean my house?

Kim said...

Use as much hand sanitizer as possible. Or just buy it and dump it, I don't care, just buy lots of it. It pays my bills. :)

Anonymous said...

Do you have an arrangement with a psychiatrist? The two of you could be sending people (with real, legitimate medical issues) back and forth to each other!

Anonymous said...

SHE should wear the gloves, not the office staff!

One of the fallouts, however, of the GLOVE REVOLUTION is that everyone wears them, but no one knows why, rendering the gloves at best, useless, and at worst, dangerous, if the wearer assumes that the gloves are keeping anyone safe.

Take, for example, the scenario I witnessed in a deli. I gave the gloved counter attendant my order and he made my sandwich. He took my money in his gloved hand, dropped a bill on the floor, and picked it up - all with the same gloves on. He then handed me my sandwich.

Turning away from me, he yelled, "Next!" I said, "You need to change your gloves." He looked at me like I was crazy and proceeded to prepare the next customer's pastrami, while wearing the same gloves!

I admit that I did not complain to the manager - trying to explain the problem was going to take more time and fortitude than I possessed. I merely vowed to never go back there again. TCG

Geno said...

Did you eat the sandwich? I had pizza where the cashier took my money and counted all the change then picked up my slice and gave it to me ungloved. This used to be normal so I ignored it but I guess my stomach is not used to being treated this way anymore. I was eating at a counter in the 60's and the cook went down the line using Black Flag ant and bug spray, I didn't even flinch. The times they are a changin.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 3:44-this is what happens when you tell someone to do something without explaining WHY. I've heard that over-use of antibacterial products creates a film that actually traps bacteria underneath, making it harder to wash away. Plain old soap, water, and proper technique works so much better. I also love being able to deglove properly, trapping lovely odiferous masses of spooge on the inside where they can't stink up the place. Especially anal gland juice.

Charles said...

What ever happened to personal hygiene she asked while dropping her trash on the floor?

Who does she expect to pick up after her?

So, I ask whatever happened to good manners?

Anonymous said...

no gloves needed for Chipotle in UK:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2Um5SNSNXY

Anonymous said...

Dr Grumpy, as a health care professional, the least you could do is provide office staff to accompany each patient everywhere in the office to disinfect everything each patient touches. And of course this person would wear gloves. But then the gloves themselves wouldn't be sterile...so they'd better wear sterile gloves...but once they touched something to clean it, the gloves would no longer be sterile...so the person would have to change gloves...a lot.

YIKES...too bad the body doesn't come with its own built-in way to fight off most germs. That would be so much easier.

Anonymous said...

I was a bit of a hypochondriac in my younger days...

My parents forbade me from taking a microbiology and human diseases class in college. My mom said she didn't want to have to convince me that I DIDN'T have the Ebola virus each week all semester.

Now I work in health care...go figure.

was1 said...

@packer... when my church does that 'sign of peace' stuff, i just smile and wave at people.

Jedi Master Ivyan said...

Thanks. Now I'm going to be debating with myself as to whether that was OCD or OCPD as I go to sleep tonight.

Funny story though.

Anonymous said...

Packer, here's a chance to start a knuckle-fist bump peace sign trend, or the old two finger 'V', before the all-out full-force 'signs posted at holy water font' flu season?

Anonymous said...

Rather than ready availability of the Lysol spray under the front counter, may I humbly suggest, Dr Grumpy, Mary's access to a handy pocket-, or purse-size of halogenated-free propellant spray can Haldol spray?

Anonymous said...

AFTER ORDERING SPECIALTY SEASONAL DRINK THROUGH DRIVE THROUGH WINDOW, AGE 14 LOOKING CASHIER AT 6AM ASKED ME 'HOW DOES THAT TASTE?".

MY REPLY: YOU SHOULD TRY IT, IF YOU LIKE BLAH, BLAH...

AND SHE PICKED ONE UP, SLURPED THROUGH STRAW, SAID "HEY, YEAH", AND HANDED IT TO ME, COMPLETELY WITH STRAIGHT FACE, SAYING THANKS....



 
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