First, we have Jarvis Sutton of St. Petersburg, Florida.
Mr. Sutton was unusually hopeful that if he called 911 enough, the police would deliver marijuana and munchies to his home. When they showed up and failed to bring either, he consoled himself by eating the police car instead.
Second, we have the remarkably organized Carolyn Murray of Pennsylvania.
This fine lady was involved in a car accident. While providing her insurance forms to officers she handed them a shopping and to do list, which included such items as "potato salad," "Xanax," and "cocaine." It also had a helpful reminder to "get high."
Thank you, Tanya and Webhill!