Syndee did a good job with the kids, so I turned a blind eye to her many shortcomings (which could be several posts alone). Her main issue was a remarkable lack of IQ and common sense. It was not uncommon to realize she'd been outsmarted by Snowball (and he's slow). She occasionally still calls to see if we need a babysitter. Rarely she'll call me for medical questions, as she does not grasp the concept of what being a specialist means. She's also learned (since she knows our home number) that it's easier to reach me than her own doctor.
Last week Syndee got married, and went off to Hawaii for her honeymoon.
This morning, at 12:05 a.m., I was woken by our home phone ringing.
Dr. Grumpy: "Mmmph, hello?"
Syndee: "Hi! Dr. Grumpy! It's me, Syndee!"
Dr. Grumpy: "What the hell?... Syndee do you know what time it is?"
Syndee: "Sure! It's just after dinner! Why, is your clock broken?"
Dr. Grumpy: "No, it's after midnight here."
Syndee: "It is not! I wouldn't call that late!"
Dr. Grumpy: "Syndee, you're in another time zone."
Syndee: "What's a time zone?"
Dr. Grumpy (sigh): "Why did you call Syndee?"
Syndee: "Well, um, In the last few days I've developed a bladder infection and..."
Dr. Grumpy (seeing an opportunity to get even): "What the HELL have you been doing on your honeymoon to get a bladder infection?"
Syndee: "Well, um, my husband and me, um we, um... Can you just call in some antibiotics for me?"
Dr. Grumpy: "Why don't you call your regular doctor for this?"
Syndee: "Her office is closed, and I don't want to bother her."
Dr. Grumpy: "Good night, Syndee." (hangs up)
25 comments:
And you trusted your chilluns to her?!?!?!?!
Oh, man. I used to work for a sheet music company in San Francisco. We had a smallish but significant number of customers in Hawai'i. Those of us dealing with orders would generally use the hour before the doors opened to call back people whose requests had been researched late the previous day. Opening was 10 a.m., but we were supposed to be in by nine, and some of us would start work earlier than that.
Every time someone new was hired, we had to explain that you don't call (808) numbers until noon or so. Unfortunately, the explanation tended to come after some poor Hawai'ian had been woken up at 5:30 a.m.
I've received calls at midnight from someone who didn't realize I was in a different time zone, but have never met anyone who doesn't know what a time zone IS.
I lived in Hawaii for a few years. My mother-in-law (may she rest in peace now) consistently called us at 3 or 4 in the morning. She just couldn't get that time zone thing down.
Arrrrggghhhhhhh!
My MIL lived in CT. After we moved to Colorado, two hours' difference, I can't count the times she'd wake us at 4:30-5AM saying "Well, I know you get up around 7 so I thought I'd catch you before breakfast." And that's back in the days when she was pretty lucid. :-(
Asking her what she has been doing to get a UTI...you're wicked, Dr Grumpy!
I'm getting married in May and already have out on my checklist to ask for antibiotics in case I get the "honeymoon UTI"! I'm so prone already that I really don't need to try to find a doctor in Virginia to give me antibiotics!
And you, uh, kept this person employed? Intentionally?!
A UTI can be so incredibly, incredibly painful. If she was your all time absolutely worst enemy, this could have been a fitting response.
But I'm sorry you took what strikes me as superlative vengeance on cluelessness.
How could she fly from the mainland to Hawaii and not notice a time change?
I'm a neurologist. I don't treat UTI's under any circumstances. Like I suggested, she needed to call her regular doctor.
Anon 7:31 is right. Surely a Yak Herder who treats the OTHER end of the body (but sorry, I do think some nerves are involved here) has heard of honeymoon cystitis. Mean, wicked, evil, and justified Dr. Grumpy.
BTW, you could have saved $$$ and had Snowball watch the kids ...
Surely you've had an elderly patient presenting with altered mental status because of a UTI?
Or do they always get correctly diagnosed and treated by their primary or the ER before you see them?
I'm thinking of someone bringing their mother in for a scheduled appointment and telling you she's been a lot fuzzier the last couple of days...
Oh, for heaven's sake, people. How did this possibly turn into a 'but why CAN'T a neurologist treat a UTI?' post? It's a funny story. Syndee's ridiculous, and G's a neurologist. Let it go.
I have no idea why a neurologist could not treat a UTI, but then I don't know what a UTI is and I'm a little hazy about what a neurologist is.
I thought Snowball (who is slow) was one of the Grumpy kids. Then I read the Grumpy Who's Who.
Oh good lord people. It's against the law to treat someone who isn't your patient. Just handing out meds is not what doctors do. We actually examine the patient, do necessary diagnostics (perhaps a urinalysis, which I have not been taught to do over the phone), and then treat as needed. I can't speak for the official Dr Grumpy, but these responses exemplify why I have become an often grumpy doctor.
What I don't understand is how Mrs. Grumpy could let this one-braincell person near her offspring. She seems like a smart person to me!
Somebody should break the news to Syndee that if the woman gets a UTI from sex, her partner is doing it wrong.
They're not doing it wrong. She has honeymoon cystitis!
And here I thought that someone might have broken the no "mouth after ass" rule. Or maybe just honey moon cystitis. Someone might have been too drunk to get up and pee afterwards. Urogesic and cranberry juice, vodka (for the pain and as a diuretic), and tons of water.
That is my UTI Rx on honey moons.
Well then you may as well forget explaining to her about the "international dateline".
dr.v, cystitis is not caused by frequency of intercourse but by poor sexual technique. If the man has poor technique and rubs his penis against the external urethral orifice, one sexual encounter can cause cystitis. If on the other hand the man has good technique and presses against the woman's perineum (press down rather than up), and avoids any contact with the urethral orifice, then the woman will not develop cystitis, and sex will be much more pleasurable for her as well. In his heyday my hubby and I could and did have frequent marathons such as 9 episodes of vaginal intercourse in 12 hours, without me experiencing any urethral irritation at all. In case you're wondering, my husband's penis size is right on the mean for Caucasian men. However; penis size isn't the issue: if the man is competent at sexual intercourse, the urethral orifice should not be rubbed at all during sex.
I really, REALLY hope you are not really a doctor, if you believe that frequency of intercourse, rather than technique, is the culprit in cystitis.
Wow! 9! Did you post the video on ScrewTube?
No, this was back in the 80s.
You can always convert VHS to computer video. We want a video, we'll call it evidence based medicine.
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