Accuracy

Dr. Grumpy: "Have you had any surgeries, sir?"

Mr. Plumbum: "Yeah, I got shot, and they had to take out the bullet."

Dr. Grumpy: "Where did you got shot?"

Mr. Plumbum: "Korea."

Breaking the fourth wall

Actual CT scan report:

Thank you, M!

Abracadabra

Dr. Grumpy: "Have a seat, what can I do for you?"

Mrs. Anatidae: "My homeopath says his exam showed I have taurine in my brain, and referred me to you to take it out."

 

Pause

  

Dr. Grumpy: "Ma'am, everyone has taurine in their brain. It's critical for nerve function. It's in most organ systems."

 

Pause

 

Mrs. Anatidae: "So... you're telling me there isn't a surgery or something to take it out? He said there was."

Dr. Grumpy: "No. It's normal to have taurine in your brain. You need it to stay alive."

 

Pause

 

Mrs. Anatidae: "I'm sick of all the lies you regular doctors tell people like me to keep us sick so you can make money off our suffering!!!"

 

She stormed out and slammed the door.

 

Change

Since the twins are both at the same university, we bought them a car to share a few months back.

Yesterday we received a letter from the dealer's accounting department, saying they overcharged us in error, along with a check for the amount.

 

I am not making this up.

Write your own caption

This picture, I swear, is taken from the Disney website, showing a family enjoying the all-new MCU Avengers Campus at Disneyland.

If they're having fun, I can't imagine what the families who aren't enjoying it look like.