11:52 p.m.

I'm sound asleep when my iPhone rings. It's my call partner, Dr. Cortex.

Dr. Grumpy (mumbling, trying to wake up): "This is Dr. Grumpy."

Dr. Cortex: "Hi, it's Cortex."

Dr. Grumpy: "Why are you calling? Aren't you in the hospital for hip surgery?"

Dr. Cortex: "Yeah. Hey, did you round on my patients today?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes."

Dr. Cortex: "Did you see the guy in alcohol withdrawal in room 6824?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes, why? I think I ordered all the usual tests."

Dr. Cortex: "Because after I left recovery they put me in the room next to him, and he's screaming nonstop and I can't sleep. He's driving me nuts. I'm going to put you on with his nurse now, so you can order something to sedate him."

Seen in a chart

Parenting

I'm at the dreaded Wednesday morning neurology meeting at the hospital. My colleague, Dr. Mom, is sitting next to me.

About halfway through the meeting her iPhone rang. She answered it, listened for a few seconds, then said:

“LOOK, Mr.-I-had-a-Bar-Mitzvah-so-now-I-am-a-man, I don’t care how well you did at your Bar Mitzvah, the fact that you forget your lunch at home - again - still makes you an irresponsible moron in my book and you can shut up and go hungry for the day to learn a lesson and if you call me about this again you’re not getting dinner either!”

Then she hung up.

We fist-bumped.

Pathetic

You know, it's REALLY PATHETIC that 40 years after this public service announcement first ran, we need it now more than we did then.

Get your kids vaccinated. Don't believe the bullshit out there.