Wednesday re-runs

Lunch today was from a new drug rep, pushing a sleeping pill.

She made the MAJOR mistake of rudely talking down to the office staff, letting them know they are peons, and that she only deals with doctors. This pisses me off, and even worse, it pisses them off.

Anyway, her sleeping pill's claim to fame is that patients who take it get an average of 7.8 hours of sleep. As a result, they have little pamphlets with this fact, and the rep had a big button on her jacket that said "Are your patients getting 7.8 hours every night?"

During lunch she left her jacket over the back of a chair outside our break room. While she was talking I noticed 2 of the office ladies disappear for a few minutes.

When Ms. Drugrep was leaving she put her jacket back on, and brought me an iPad to sign for samples. As I scribbled I noticed that the button on her jacket had been altered, and now said "Are your patients getting 7.8 inches every night?"

She has no clue, either. And I'll probably never find out what happens.

Annie's desk

Annie: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Annie."

Mr. Car: "Hi, I see Dr. Grumpy, and I just got a letter from the MVD that they're going to revoke my driver's license unless my neurologist fills out a form."

Annie: "Okay, why don't you make an appointment and bring it in. Let me transfer you to Mary... You know, it looks like you were last here about 7 years ago, and sent us a letter to release your records to a doctor across the country?"

Mr. Car: "Yeah, I moved here 7 years ago."

Annie: "So are you back now?"

Mr. Car: "No, I still live here in Faraway state. It's their MVD that sent me this form."

Annie: "Well, Dr. Grumpy can't fill out forms on someone he hasn't seen in 7 years. For that matter, I'm not even sure if he can do them for a state he doesn't have a medical license in. Did you ever see a neurologist there?"

Mr. Car: "Of course. But the copay to see him is $40, and I haven't seen him in about a year, and he wanted me to come in to get it done and get my refills and all, so I thought Dr. Grumpy would do it for free."

Annie: "No, he'd have to see you in person after this much time, and if you're on the other side of the country you'd be better off..."

Mr. Car: "But I don't want to pay the $40 for some bullshit paperwork! Can't Dr. Grumpy call my doctor here and ask him to waive the copay?"

Annie: "No, he's not going to do that. Unless you're going to come back and see Dr. Grumpy, this is between you and your neurologist there."

Mr. Car: "Can you call around Faraway and see if you can find someone who'll see me for free? I really don't have time to waste on this."

Artisinal mailbag

All right, here's some more artisanal bullshit you guys have sent in.


If you feed your cow artisanal grass, what comes out the other end?

Very few chains are as ubiquitous and generic in America as Walgreen's, and yet they apparently carry artisanal stuff. Which I'm pretty sure was "handmade" by a machine in southeast Asia.

"How stylish can you get?"

Making toast is right up there with boiling water and putting chips in a bowl as far as culinary skills go, but apparently you can now take your "putting bread in a toaster and pushing down in the handle" skills to a whole new level for only $24.95 with...

Even videogames are now into it:

At this point I'm ready for a drink

Butt you just knew someone would sell this:

Order it with the toast book and make Scotch Woodcock!

Shopping

I have a pretty good rapport with my patients, tossing jokes and mild insults back and forth during a visit. It's just part of the way I practice. Most of them like it, since it flies both ways. Patients that don't gravitate elsewhere.

But sometimes it has its consequences.

One of them, Ted, is an older fellow who works weekends at Costco, running sample stations. When he shows up they tell him where he'll be working that day. He briefly reads up on the product and sets up a table.

Yesterday, as I picked up some items to feed the teenage horde, I saw him at a table over by the pharmacy and waved.

He yelled "HEY, DOC! I'M SAMPLING ADULT DIAPERS TODAY! GOTTA LEAKY BLADDER? COME ON OVER HERE AND TAKE ONE!"

And he waved a free sample in the air at me.

My kids (and everyone else nearby) cracked up.

I yelled back "Ted, you're a dead man!"