Love and Rodents

This morning I was looking through the weekend fax machine pile, and found Local Swanky Restaurant had sent over a menu for their "Valentine's Day Special."

It featured this mouth-watering item:



I think we'll just stay home. It's supposed to snow, anyway.

Election 2012

As my readers know, I'm running for President this year.

Now, admittedly, my entire campaign thus far is based on one issue, but yesterday while attending a 9-year-old girl's birthday party with my kids, I came up with a second point.

While I strongly support freedom of expression, I also believe some times are better than others to express your beliefs.

So, if elected President, I promise you this:

Any father who shows up at his 9-year daughter's birthday party wearing a T-shirt that says "IT AIN'T GONNA SUCK ITSELF" with an arrow pointing downwards, will be immediately castrated by specially trained fashion police.

Vote Grumpy, 2012!

Random Saturday pictures

Today I'm going to feature some unrelated, yet thought provoking, shots.


First is this plan posted at a hospital. I think it's particularly important, because when you have to urgently "evacuate" it's good to know where the bathrooms are.






Next is this insanity. When "artisanal" or "handcrafted" aren't enough, they have to pay someone to think of better names. Because just calling it "moisturizer" or "hand lotion" is boring.





On the other hand, it also opens up the possibility of Mrs. Grumpy telling me "Not tonight, honey. Why don't you just rub yourself with some Happy Sensation instead?"



And last, we have this bit of hyperbole from a medical marketing company. Instead of a network or panel of doctors, they have an "organically grown community" of them. Whatever that means.

(click to enlarge)

It's the Benny Hill Show!

Yes, just another day in the life of an undercover cop.

Thank you, Ed!

Crime in America

Hey! I'll pay this guy's bail money if he'll break in to my house!

Thank you, Don!

Take 2

Dr. Grumpy: "Hi, have a seat... It looks like I saw you back in 2007, then we got a release saying you were seeing another neurologist."

Mr. Rerun: "Yeah, I didn't think you were that good. But my friend saw you last month, and liked you, so I thought maybe you'd gotten better and came back."

Culture

Dr. Grumpy: "What part of town is best for you to do the testing?"

Mr. Jeopardy: "Down on 3rd street there's an MRI place. It's right across from the Jewish church."

Mary's desk

The new patient signs in up front.

Mary: "Hi, can I get a copy of your insurance card?"

Mr. Card: "I don't have it here. But you said on the phone that you take my insurance."

Mary: "I'm sure we do, but we need a copy of your card to bill."

Mr. Card: "Well, I don't have it. It's Medicare, or maybe Blue Cross. Actually, it could be United. Anyway, it's one of those insurance companies."

Mary: "Okay, but without your card there's a chance you'll end up paying cash for today's visit."

Mr. Card: "I can't afford that. Maybe it's down in my car."

(leaves, 10 minutes go by, comes back)

Mary: "Hi, did you find your card?"

Mr. Card: "No, but I have the info here."

He hands Mary a crumpled McDonald's receipt, with grease stains and an order for 2 Big Macs and fries. On the back he'd scribbled "37642AKT047, expires 7."

Mary: "Do you know what insurance company this is with?"

Mr. Card: "No, but it's one of the big ones. Can't you look it up on the internet?"

Mary: "Sir, we can't accept this in place of an insurance card."

Mr. Card: "Doctors just don't care about people any more."

Leaves.

Health problems

Dr. Grumpy: "Any major illnesses in your family?"

Mrs. Baseball: "My Dad died from being a Phillies fan."

"Imodium & Lomotil Law Firm, can I help you?"

My reader Sue says she works for an attorney in Arizona, and that they regularly get letters from another firm with an, uh, unusual name. To prove it she sent in their letterhead and website.





I'm glad they're not in medicine. Because in this field having "loose" and "brown" in the same sentence generally refers to something else.

Their website is (obviously) loosebrown.com. I have to wonder how many hits they get from people thinking it's a site for copraphilia fetishists.

Thank you, Sue!

Rumba, cha-cha, DUI

Another fine moment in alcohol consumption.

Thank you, Tanya!

Perseveration

Dr. Grumpy: "So what can I do for you?"

Mr. Son: "Mom has been having memory problems, and I've been having to take more and more care of her."

Mrs. Ross: "But son, you're very good at what you're doing."

Mr. Son: "Thanks, mom. And she doesn't remember how to work things at home."

Dr. Grumpy: "Have any tests been done?"

Mr. Son: "Dr. Intern ordered some labs. Here are copies for you." (hands over papers)

Dr. Grumpy: "Thank you, let me look through these..."

Mrs. Ross: "Dr. Intern is very good at what he's doing."

Dr. Grumpy: "Do you have a list of medications?"

Mr. Son: "Yes, I wrote them down." (hands over note card)

Dr. Grumpy: "Thanks."

Mrs. Ross: "Doctor, I think you're very good at what you're doing."

No comment

Actual headline posted on CNN today.

Thank you, Webhill!

Crap!

Dr. Grumpy: "Okay, so do your symptoms get worse when you..."

(patient stands up, and starts clearing off MY DESK, moving my can of Diet Coke, pens, mouse, etc.)

Dr. Grumpy: "Um, what are you doing?"

Mrs. Mom: "I'm clearing off your desk."

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes, but why?"

Mrs. Mom: "So I can change Jessica. She has a poopy diaper."