Religious crime in America

People are so strange.

Thank you, Janine!

Rats to rats

Mr. Muroidea: "I used to be a stockbroker, but I couldn't stand the rat race, and quit."

Dr. Grumpy: "What do you do now?"

Mr. Muroidea: "I have a farm. I raise rats for labs."

It's almost plausible

He had me going until the Taylor Swift part.

Thank you, Lee!

Distractions

The following was left on Mary's voicemail yesterday:

"Hi, it's about 2:05 and I have a 2:00 appointment with Dr. Grumpy, and I'm trying to get there. I'm on the freeway and my son is driving me, so we just passed 24th street and WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! DIDN'T YOU SEE THAT TRUCK? WHY DON'T YOU PAY ATTENTION NEXT TIME! ARE YOU BLIND? I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE LET YOUR FATHER TEACH YOU TO DRIVE!"

She didn't show up for her appointment, either.

Holy Nuts, Batman!

Pareidolia at its finest. Words fail me.

Thank you, Liz!

Compare and contrast

This is the front-passenger side floor of Dr. Grumpy's car:






This is the front-passenger side floor of Dr. Grumpy's car after this weekend on call:






Any questions?

Med School Memories

It was the early 90's in medical school...

There was one sweltering Summer where the classroom's air conditioner was hyperactive, and we measured it at 60°F in there. It was an unpleasantly humid, high 90's °F outside.

So we'd walk to school in shorts & T-shirts, and put on sweatpants and sweatshirts before going into lecture. It was silly. We had to keep warm clothes in our lockers outside the classroom, and during lectures would slug down hot coffee, tea, and cocoa to keep warm.

We called building maintenance repeatedly to complain, without success. I remember at one point a frustrated guy actually dialed them during a lecture, and screamed "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW COLD IT IS IN HERE?" into the phone.

The next day we got to class to find they'd hung up a large wall thermometer, so we could see how cold it was (59°F).

Thanks, guys.

Artisanal Overkill

A fine example of corporate overuse is from April, 2011.

The New York Times interviewed James Goldman, the CEO of Godiva Chocolate. He felt the need to use the word 3 times (!!!) in 2 paragraphs.


click to enlarge

Never saw that kind before

I'd like to thank McDuck Vet for sending this. She says it was in a veterinary supply offer she received.

Age

Dr. Grumpy: "It looks like you had cataract surgery."

Mrs. Nonagenarian: "Oh yes, I was just a girl when they did that."

Dr. Grumpy: "How old were you?"

Mrs. Nonagenarian: "71."

Gratitude

You live out in the boondocks.

3 days ago you developed right-sided weakness and slurred speech, which you attributed to "a pinched nerve in my low back."

Yesterday you came to Grumpyville for a funeral.

This morning at the ceremony your friends noticed you were dragging your right leg & unable to sign the memory book, and suggested you come to Local Hospital (conveniently located down the street from Local Cemetery).

So you limped over here "just to get checked out" before going back to Boondockville.

And now you're angry at me because you got admitted, and demanding I pay for any food in your fridge that goes bad in your absence.

Some days I don't know why I do this.

This is my practice

The following is, verbatim, an email that Mary sent me this morning. It speaks for itself.


"Your 11:00 just called. The maintenance people at her apartment building painted her door shut, and she can't get out. She'll call back to reschedule."

Fax follies

This morning I found a records request on the fax machine, with this written at the top.

My life of phone calls

Dr. Heller: "This is Dr. Heller, on behalf of Major Illness Insurance test authorizations. Who am I speaking to?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Hi, this is Dr. Ibee Grumpy. I'm calling to get an MRI authorized."

Dr. Heller: "Okay, let me look at our file... It looks like we denied the MRI because it isn't clinically indicated."

Dr. Grumpy: "Well, this is a young man with memory problems, and I want to make sure his brain looks okay."

Dr. Heller: "Have you checked labs for metabolic causes? Have you ruled-out depression?"

Dr. Grumpy: "His labs look fine. Depression certainly could be the cause, but I want to make sure he doesn't have a tumor."

Dr. Heller: "Our policy is that he needs to be evaluated by a psychiatrist for this before we do the MRI."

Dr. Grumpy: "I tried that, but your company doesn't cover any psychiatrists."

Dr. Heller: "That's correct."

Dr. Grumpy: "So how do I go about getting this done?"

Dr. Heller: "You're his doctor."