"Do this! Maybe you'll get on Dr. Grumpy's blog!"

Yes, because sometimes being drunk just isn't enough.

Thank you, L.T.!

Things that make me grumpy

I have nothing against doctors making money. Hell, I'm trying to do that myself.

So medical journals are full of ads offering ways for doctors to increase revenue. Some of them practical, some hokey, and some that really piss me off.

Like this one:

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I have nothing against doctors who are doing concierge work, or sinking money into tech stuff, or marketing their practice.

But what ticks me off about this ad is that of the 4 things they claim to offer, doing what's best for patients is the very last thing listed.

If I ever reach the point where making money, investing in gadgets, or marketing my practice take precedence over doing what's right for patients, I hope someone tells me it's time to hang it up.

And if you've reached that point and don't see a problem with it, than maybe you've forgotten why you became a doctor.

Extreme sports

Yes, just another day in the competitive, gut-wrenching, in-your-face world of professional Scrabble.

Thank you, M!

Mary, call the psychic hotline

I'd like to thank my reader Tony, who says he found this on his fax machine this morning.

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Doctor talk

Dr. Grumpy: "Your hands are pretty sweaty. It looks like you have hyperhidrosis."

Mr. Thermo: "Um, no, I'm Italian."

How's the other foot?

Found this in a hospital chart today:

"She has dementia and osteomyelitis in her right foot."

All Quiet on the Western Front

He stood there, shell shocked, with a thousand yard stare
In the last 48 hours he'd survived unspeakable horrors, but never left his station
Now, I needed to talk to him.
I didn't want to, but only he could answer my question.
I'd rather have left him alone.

He was like you and me until recently
But now front-line combat had turned him into a broken shell
Clothes disheveled, hair uncombed, hands shaking
An unlit cigarette hung from his quivering lips

But he was still a man with job to do
As I began speaking to him he summoned his composure
And softly answered my question
"Sorry, sir," he said "We're all out of the iPhone 4s."

Crime update

For those of you losing sleep over the marauding bridge thieves I reported on earlier this month, I can now bring you some good news: They've been caught.

Thank you, Moose!

Shameless promo

Because I think Fizzy is absolutely one of the best medical cartoonists (Netter wasn't a cartoonist, people) I'm suggesting you have a look at her new book.

It's a collection of her best cartoons, and is available in both paper and eBook forms.

You can buy it here.

Please note: Dr. Fizzy did not pay me to write this. I just think she's great at capturing the insanity of medical training in her work.

THANK YOU, NORDSTROM!

Although I should note November 27 is a Sunday this year, and this may be an old picture. But thank you to everyone who sent it in.

Dependence

Annie: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Annie."

Mr. Sofa: "Um, I stopped by my pharmacy on Tuesday to request a refill, and I still don't have it."

Annie: "Hang on... It looks like Dr. Grumpy approved the refill on Tuesday afternoon."

Mr. Sofa: "Well, I still don't have it."

Annie: "Did you call them to see if it's ready?"

Mr. Sofa: "No. I don't have their number. Could you look it up for me?"

Annie: "It's right here. It's 867-"

Mr. Sofa: "Actually, can you call them for me and ask if it's ready?"

Today's criminal tip

When shoplifting, there are some things you shouldn't leave behind.

Thank you, Lee!

House calls are back in style

And they're free!

Thank you, Lawjok!

Germ theory

Mr. Irritant: "Did you just wash your hands?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, yeah. You watched me."

Mr. Irritant: "That's pretty damn insulting. So you think I'm dirty?"

Dr. Grumpy: "No. I wash my hands after every patient, sir. It's good practice."

Mr. Irritant: "That's bullshit. I didn't come here to be treated like a second-class person."