Dependence

Annie: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Annie."

Mr. Sofa: "Um, I stopped by my pharmacy on Tuesday to request a refill, and I still don't have it."

Annie: "Hang on... It looks like Dr. Grumpy approved the refill on Tuesday afternoon."

Mr. Sofa: "Well, I still don't have it."

Annie: "Did you call them to see if it's ready?"

Mr. Sofa: "No. I don't have their number. Could you look it up for me?"

Annie: "It's right here. It's 867-"

Mr. Sofa: "Actually, can you call them for me and ask if it's ready?"

Today's criminal tip

When shoplifting, there are some things you shouldn't leave behind.

Thank you, Lee!

House calls are back in style

And they're free!

Thank you, Lawjok!

Germ theory

Mr. Irritant: "Did you just wash your hands?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, yeah. You watched me."

Mr. Irritant: "That's pretty damn insulting. So you think I'm dirty?"

Dr. Grumpy: "No. I wash my hands after every patient, sir. It's good practice."

Mr. Irritant: "That's bullshit. I didn't come here to be treated like a second-class person."

Rescue Heroes!

Yes, yet another busy day for the police department and their K9 corps.

Thank you, Outrider!

Public Service Announcment

Today is World Arthritis Day, and WarmSocks has asked me to help with raising public awareness of Rheumatoid Arthritis.

She wrote in because recently Dr. Phil said on national television and still has it on his web page that obesity is a risk factor for developing rheumatoid arthritis. This is incorrect. Weight is a risk factor for developing osteoarthritis, but not rheumatiod arthritis. These disorders ARE NOT the same.

Her organization is doing a "post your numbers" (or numbers in support of someone else) project Similar to the Facebook "colors" project for breast cancer awareness. They're asking people to post weight/age of onset/current age.

She writes that if you don't know someone with Rheumatoid Arthritis, to please think about "80 pound Lori, diagnosed with juvenile arthritis at age nine. Now fourteen years old, she's lived with arthritis for five years. There is no cure. Please post 80-9-14 as your Facebook status and help raise awareness."

Chemistry of Walmart

People of Walmart + Chemistry 101 = Bad Idea.

Mary, bring me a strong drink

Dr. Grumpy: "You haven't had a seizure in years. What happened?"

Mrs. Flake: "I stopped taking my epilepsy medication last week. It was causing all kinds of terrible side effects."

Dr. Grumpy: "But... You've taken ShakeAway for 5 years, and never had a problem with it before."

Mrs. Flake: "Well, I took my pills at bedtime one night, like I normally do. And the next morning I woke up with a fever and sore throat. I was achy all over, and my nose was stuffy. After 2 days of this I realized it was probably from ShakeAway, and stopped it. The next day I was feeling better, so it must have been the drug."

Dr. Grumpy: "Ma'am, it sounds like you just had a cold. That's all. The medicine had nothing to do with it. Let me give you a schedule to restart it."

Mrs. Flake: "That poison! I just told you, it made me sick! Don't you listen? I refuse to start it again."

Today's news

In a new meaning to the phrase "water hazard" an Australian golf course has a family of sharks living in a water trap.

And in Florida, a legislator concerned about the unemployment issues facing people of below-average-height is trying to revive the bizarre sport of dwarf tossing.

Celebrity Endorsement

Craig and his hair were picked to read the morning announcements for 2 weeks on Wingnut School's closed-circuit TV channel

He took this very seriously, so he'd bring the announcements home each night and practice them endlessly for the next day.

Let me tell you, there are very few things that can drive you crazier than a kid re-reading ad infinitum things like "Band practice is at 12:45 on the north field. The chess club will meet in the library at 2:15. There will be a bake sale to support the 6th grade field trip at 3:00 in front of the cafeteria." Over and over and over again.

Anyway.

This past weekend was the annual Boy Scout popcorn sale in front of Local Grocery. So Craig and his hair were out accosting shoppers, when a tween girl stopped in front of the table.

Craig: "Would you like to buy some popcorn?"

Tween Girl: "Hey! You're that kid on school TV!"

Craig: "Yes I am! Would you like an autographed bag of Scout popcorn?"

Tween Girl: "Yeah! And I love your hair!"


In a few hours he sold $600 worth of popcorn

Attention patients

Leaving the message "Oh my God! Are you fucking kidding me?!!!" On my voicemail at 8:59 p.m., with no other information, will not get you a call back.

Random pictures

All right, today I'm going to put up some shots you guys have sent in.

First, is an older ad for Viagra. I'm unsure if the image is inspired by the song line "Get your motor running" or the juice commercial tag-line "I could have had a V-8!".






Next, in a sign that the apocalypse is coming, the world has apparently run out of names for wine.






To send email attachments, they now sell internet shipping labels. I had no idea you needed them, and obviously I've been doing email all wrong.







And last is this fortune cookie I got recently. I can only assume it refers to the occasional vegetables I see in my practice.

"Pssst... Hey, you wanna buy a bridge?"

Yes, it actually happened. Police in Pennsylvania are reporting that someone has stolen an entire bridge, 50' by 20'.

So, if you happen to notice that your neighbors have installed a new bridge over their pool, or see someone selling a bridge door-to-door in your neighborhood, please call police immediately.

Thank you, Webhill!

Today's mail

Got a letter from Grumpy National Bank saying they're increasing the fee on all fuel purchases made on my office premises.

Mary, have those gas pumps removed from the lobby. I guess they weren't my best idea. We'll also have to stop selling ziploc bags full of premium unleaded to the patients.