Thursday, October 28, 2010

Hairs leap off like lemmings

You needed an urgent appointment because you had a seizure this morning. We got you in 90 minutes after you called.

You demanded I do something, so I suggested increasing your medication. You said you couldn't handle the side effects as it is.

So I recommended we change you to another medication. You told me that wasn't acceptable either.

Then you asked me why I wasn't doing anything to help you, when you clearly needed my help.

So I suggested we refer you to an epilepsy specialist at Humungous Neurology, Inc. And you accused me of trying to dump you, without even doing anything to help you.

What the hell do you people want from me? Magic?

28 comments:

KateA said...

You obviously left the magic wand at home. When people get angsty and want a diagnosis without any teting (how am I supposed to know exactly why your dog is vomiting anyway?), I offer the magic wand, which always costs more anyway. Or the magic 8 ball app on the phone.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I'm just going to bring a Magic 8 Ball to the office, and let it make the decisions.

Amanda said...

I see a patient termination letter in this one's future... if only because your medmal carriers would demand it.

Eeeek. Some people scare me.

Arzt4Empfaenger said...

Maybe the seizure deactivated the logic compartment?

Cynic said...

I dont think I have ever taken care of a seizure patient that wasn't in one way or another a nutjob.

GlassHospital said...

perhaps some left-sided pubic hair voodoo

Anonymous said...

I've tried 3 anticonvulsant medications for migraine prevention with little to no success. One of them (Topamax) caused horrific anger and confusion. Is it possible your patient is demonstrating irrational expectations because of the medication?
I do empathize with your situation. I just wanted to explain that these meds can do some strange things to your personality.
£eslie

joe said...

Refer him to the ER! We just love those cases! ;)

Anonymous said...

You mean Hogwarts was not your high school?!

The Mother said...

You're such a fabulous doc that, yes, the patients expect magic.

Anonymous said...

Good lord did my boss visit you demanding magic from you, too????

Moose said...

D'jever wonder if a smack upside the head would help them?

(Kidding. well, mostly...)

Chocolade said...

I'm not sure, but I kinda sympathise with the patient on this one. Except maybe not the change medication-reaction, but if she (I'm just assuming it's a woman) have tried several without effect and is tired of trying new medications all the time I can see that, too.

Well, all in all I'm a bit in between parts on this one, I think it must be quite frustrating for her, too, but if it had been me I'd jump on the opportunity to go to Humungous Neurology.

Mrs A said...

still laughing over the semi brazilian!!!

Anonymous said...

How about recommending brain surgery? Really RADICAL brain surgery, like that procedure where they remove half your braina and leave one side of your body completely paralyzed? The meds might start sounding better in comparision!

Mr. Deaf Carpenter said...

It sounds like your patient watched way too much star trek when she was a kid. I have heard a few not too bright people saying they expected doctors to already have similar technologies in use just because they saw them on TV.

Granted, we are getting there but not yet... maybe not in my lifetime :-(

Liz said...

The magic word is "lobotomy".

Fiz said...

My daughter thinks the idea of a magic 8 ball is a really good idea (she's 23).

Anonymous said...

Ok, not to be snarky--but I deal with less connected people than you do--as in mentally ill and similar. So in the friendliest way possible, I suggest. 1. Meditation. 2. Cultivation of extreme patience 3. The serentity prayer. The alternative is that your blood pressure will spike, you will stroke out and that is not fun. (200/ 120) at age 40--now 115/70 at age 60

In the high pressured day when I enoucnter one of these, I have learned to slow down and become almost like a kindergarten teacher so that they can absorb what I am saying.

The former me, was a raving maniac by the end of the week.

terri c said...

Did the patient *drive* to the appointment?

I sort of wish the patient would have gone to Humongous just so you could have written a referral letter like the ones you get!!

Poor Dr. Grumpy. I heard of a hospice patient who had several really awful things wrong. When awake the patient lay rigid with pain. When offered medicine the patient accepted. The family thought the patient was "too sedated" (they expected the patient to be fully alert and conversational as well as pain free) and so they took the patient to another doctor who agreed and wrote a nasty note saying the patient needed the services of a hospice MD with skills in pain management... The HPM doc was Not Happy. Unrealistic expectations are no fun.

SBG23 said...

Capt. Kirk-... "Bones, What IS that"?

Bones- "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a horticulturalist...."

Ben S said...

Based on this post and the header on the subsequent, Google ads is now offering me Gillette shaving products. Maybe you should look into an endorsement deal?

quixote said...

Magic? Magic sounds good. Is it covered by my insurance?

C said...

Dr. House!

Eileen said...

Sorry Ben - I think the military sword I saw was a better offer. Just think what he might have achieved with that...

thegooddrlaura said...

These are the most annoying patients! They have every excuse in the book NOT to do what we recommend, then blame us for not fixing them! I feel your pain, Dr. Grumpy. I really do.

Anonymous said...

dump

Rothase said...

Gee, we don't even bother to go to the Neuro after a seizure any more. What's he going to say? "well, you have epilepsy. Next time, don't forget to take your meds for two days."
Duh.

 
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