Communication

I'm sitting in my office with an elderly lady with Alzheimer's disease and her devoted son.


Dr. Grumpy: "So how's she been doing?"

Mr. Son: "Better, at least a little. I mean, her memory is still pretty bad, but she's calmer, and the nurses tell me she's more cooperative and isn't yelling since you started the new medication."

Dr. Grumpy: "Has she..."


Mr. Son's phone rings and he looks at it.


Mr. Son: "I better answer this, it's Casa DeMentia, her memory-care place. I'll put it on speaker phone in case you want to ask them anything... Hello? This is Mr. Son."

Susan: "Mr. Son, this is Susan. I'm the charge nurse at Casa DeMentia. I'm calling to let you know that your mother isn't in her room, and we've searched the building and grounds thoroughly and can't find her. We're afraid she somehow wandered off..."


Mr. Son and I both look at the patient, who's calmly sitting in my office leafing through an upside-down magazine.


Susan: "... so our security people are going to review video to see what happened, but I wanted to make you aware. I'm going to call the Grumpyville police for a Silver Alert, too, and..."

Mr. Son: "Um, my Mom is right here with me. We're at Dr. Grumpy's office. I signed her out at the front desk when I picked her up."


Pause.


Susan: "Cindy, before you told me Mrs. Memory was missing, didn't you check the sign-out book first... WHY THE HELL NOT? You (expletive)."


Pause.


Susan: "I'm so sorry to bother you Mr. Son. Will she be back for lunch?"

Heading out

It's summer vacation time, gang.

I'll be heading out for a few weeks with my wild bunch.

Back sometime in the second half of July.

Until then, have a great summer. Or, if you're reading this from the southern hemisphere, have a great winter.

And so it begins.

Seen in a chart

Thank you, K!

Patient quote of the day

"I was watching health news on TV this morning. Did you know you can die if your heart isn't working right?"

Humor

Three elderly ladies are sitting on a bench outside the nursing home when an older gentleman walked by.

One of the ladies yelled out, “Hey, I bet we can guess how old you are!”

The old fellow said, “There is no way you can guess my age! I look great for my age.”

One of the women said, “Yes we can!”

“No, you can’t!”

“Can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we'll tell your exact age.”

The gentleman was embarrassed, but wanted to prove they couldn't do it. So... he dropped his drawers and let it all hang out.

The ladies asked him to turn around a few times while they looked from different angles, then had him jump up and down twice.

They then whispered back and forth for a minute, and finally one said. “You're 87-years-old.”

The fellow was stunned. Standing with his pants down around his ankles, he asked, “You’re right. WOW! How in the world could you tell?”

There was a pause, then one woman answered “Last week we were all at your birthday party.”


Thank you, Webhill!