The throne

I'd like to thank my reader, Rose who brought this drug ad to my attention. And Webhill, for her suggestions.


I'm not trying to make light of IBS, or patients with it, but let's face it. This ad could have been done better.

1. This lady is obviously in a public bathroom. So why is she leaving the stall door open?

2. The idea of having her shiny laptop (which looks suspiciously like a MacBook Pro, without the logo) on the skanky bathroom floor is just WRONG. You want to take that stuff back to your desk?

Also, it implies that she's touching it with her hands while on the toilet. A recent British study found that 1 out of every 6 cell phones had fecal material on them, likely from poor handwashing. Adding laptops to this list, given that they often have more than one user, is NOT a good practice.

3. The slogan stinks.

Weekend reruns

I have a nice young lady in my practice who, as far as I can tell, has only made one major mistake in life. She fell in love with, married, and had kids with Mr. Dumb. He later decided he'd rather be a crackhead, and dumped his family in favor of the excitement of living on the street and smoking crack.

So Miss Nicelady heroically soldiers on, dealing with single Mom stuff. She was awarded child support from Mr. Dumb. Unfortunately, this only gets withheld from his paycheck on the rare occasion he's actually working. So it amounts to $20-$30 once every few months, when he finds temporary work as a dishwasher.

So at her appointment today I asked her how things were going. She paused, and then began laughing.

2 months ago she suddenly began getting steady money from his child support withholding- $100 or so every 2 weeks. She was thrilled, and didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Until one night, when some guy she'd never heard of called to see why she was stealing HIS money!

Get this:

Mr. Dumb, trying to get crack money, sold his identity (Social Security Card, Driver's License, etc) to Mr. Dumber for $50.

Mr. Dumber, now hiding under Mr. Dumb's ID, went off and got a job.

And so, when Mr. Dumber began getting paychecks, his salary was withheld and sent to my patient.

Basically, Mr. Dumber paid $50 in order to have $200 a month withheld from his paychecks. How inconsiderate of Mr. Dumb not to have mentioned these minor details to his purchaser.

In addition, Mr. Dumber was also angry at my patient (like it's her fault) because he got pulled over one day, and discovered Mr. Dumb's license was suspended 2 years ago.

Miss Nicelady told me the best part of the whole thing was when Mr. Dumber told her he was going to call the police on her.

Crime in America

When armadillos are outlawed, then only outlaws will have armadillos.

Thank you, Helle!

Weekend update

Due to bizarre circumstances, Craig and I are flying to San Diego this weekend on short notice. So my posting will be limited over the weekend. Likely just any news stories that catch my eye.

Annie's desk

Annie: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Annie."

Mrs. Sig: "Hi, I need a refill to cover me for the holiday weekend."

Annie: "Um, this isn't a holiday weekend."

Mrs. Sig: "Okay, I'll call back another time."

(click)

Weird Science

Apparently alchemy is making a comeback.

Thank you, Jodi!

Details

Mr. Wool: "I'm doing much better. I don't need the walker any more, and am just using a cane."

Dr. Grumpy: "It's a nice cane, too. I like the carved handle."

Mr. Wool: "Thank you. It used to be my grandfather's. It has a big knife hidden in it..." (whips off handle) "that he used for slaughtering sheep."

"Do this! Maybe you'll get on Dr. Grumpy's blog!"

Yes, because sometimes being drunk just isn't enough.

Thank you, L.T.!

Things that make me grumpy

I have nothing against doctors making money. Hell, I'm trying to do that myself.

So medical journals are full of ads offering ways for doctors to increase revenue. Some of them practical, some hokey, and some that really piss me off.

Like this one:

(click to enlarge)




I have nothing against doctors who are doing concierge work, or sinking money into tech stuff, or marketing their practice.

But what ticks me off about this ad is that of the 4 things they claim to offer, doing what's best for patients is the very last thing listed.

If I ever reach the point where making money, investing in gadgets, or marketing my practice take precedence over doing what's right for patients, I hope someone tells me it's time to hang it up.

And if you've reached that point and don't see a problem with it, than maybe you've forgotten why you became a doctor.

Extreme sports

Yes, just another day in the competitive, gut-wrenching, in-your-face world of professional Scrabble.

Thank you, M!

Mary, call the psychic hotline

I'd like to thank my reader Tony, who says he found this on his fax machine this morning.

(click to enlarge)

Doctor talk

Dr. Grumpy: "Your hands are pretty sweaty. It looks like you have hyperhidrosis."

Mr. Thermo: "Um, no, I'm Italian."

How's the other foot?

Found this in a hospital chart today:

"She has dementia and osteomyelitis in her right foot."

All Quiet on the Western Front

He stood there, shell shocked, with a thousand yard stare
In the last 48 hours he'd survived unspeakable horrors, but never left his station
Now, I needed to talk to him.
I didn't want to, but only he could answer my question.
I'd rather have left him alone.

He was like you and me until recently
But now front-line combat had turned him into a broken shell
Clothes disheveled, hair uncombed, hands shaking
An unlit cigarette hung from his quivering lips

But he was still a man with job to do
As I began speaking to him he summoned his composure
And softly answered my question
"Sorry, sir," he said "We're all out of the iPhone 4s."