Oh, for crying out loud!

Mr. Teevee: "I also want an ultrasound."

Dr. Grumpy: "Why do you want an ultrasound?"

Mr. Teevee: "I once saw it featured on the news for something."

Full service neurology

Dr. Grumpy: "When did the leg begin hurting?"

Mr. Sprint: "I'd just climbed down the ladder when..." (cell phone rings) "Sorry, Doc, hang on."

(answers phone) "Yeah? Oh, hi Pete. Uh-huh. I have no idea. I mean, I've got $4,000 in that account and need to transfer it. Yeah. Hold on, Pete, let me get some advice. Hey, Doc, for retirement what are you recommending right now? Roth IRA's? And what mutual funds are you telling people to invest in right now?"

Veteran's Day, 2010

This is my Grandfather. His name was Martin. He died in 2001, and I was fortunate to know him.




He was born in Poland, but his family was living in Austria when Hitler came to power. As Jews, the family knew they had to leave, and pooled their money to send the smartest child (his name was Irving) to America, with instructions to find a way to make a living in America, FAST, and then bring them all over one by one. Irving was 19 years old at the time, and only knew 1 distant cousin in the U.S.

Somehow he did it. That's a story in itself.

World War II was only a few month away when it was Marty's turn. He remembered being on an immigrant ship when it was stopped and searched by a Danish warship, and the passenger's fear that it might be a German ship coming to turn them back if war had broken out.

Many family members didn't get out, and vanished from history. Lost anonymously in a death camp, with millions of others.

Marty joined the family in Chicago. To gain citizenship quickly he volunteered for the Army, and served through the war. Because of his German background he wasn't allowed at the front, as there was concern about loyalty. He was stationed at Camp Pendleton, in California, guarding against a Japanese invasion that never came.

After the military he went through the struggles of returning to normalcy, at different times working as a fur salesman, a door-to-door vacuum salesman, and finally finding his career at a clock factory. He had 2 children, one of which is my mother (Hi, Mom!).

Thank you, veterans everywhere.

Boy, am I thirsty

I NEVER drink water from the toilet.

Blackdog doesn't seem to mind doing so, but I personally don't think it sounds healthy.

A scientific poll of the office staff, and a few drug reps and patients, found that 100% of people I saw today agreed that toilets should not, except under extreme circumstances, be considered a source of drinking refreshment.

Apparently, though, this isn't as common a belief as I'd like to think it is.

The city of Chandler, Arizona, has unveiled their new city hall building, which (I SWEAR!) includes signs in the bathrooms specifically telling people NOT TO DRINK FROM THE TOILET!!!

Here's the story. And thank you, Lee, for sending this in.

Mary's Desk, November 10, 2010

Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."

Mr. Poll: "Yeah, I need to make an appointment with Dr. Grumpy."

Mary: "Certainly. We can see you on Friday, or..."

Mr. Poll: "Hang on. Did he vote Republican or Democrat in last week's election?"

Mary: "I don't know. That's his business."

Mr. Poll: "I refuse to make an appointment until I know which side he's on."

Mary: "That's his private business."

Mr. Poll: "Goodbye, then." (hangs up).

"I got better"

Dr. Grumpy: "Are you allergic to any medications?"

Mr. Tia: "Plavix. I almost died when I took it."

Dr. Grumpy: "What are you taking now?"

Mr. Tia: "Plavix."

Dr. Grumpy: "You just said you almost died from it?!!!"

Mr. Tia: "I got used to it."

"Uh, I'm not buying the melons, just the tomatoes."

Thank you, Sarah, for sending this in.

A grocery store owed a lady a refund after she was overcharged for vegetables.

Why was she overcharged for vegetables? Because there was too much weight on the produce scale.

What was putting the extra weight on the produce scale?

The clerk was resting her breasts on it.

Really. Here's the story.

Mary, come shoot me. Now.

Dr. Grumpy: "... so that's the plan. Any questions about the back problem at this point?"

Mrs. Cerumen: "No, but my sister and I have been comparing notes, and I think she makes more earwax than I do. Is this normal?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Well, uh, I..."

Mrs. Cerumen (whips out cell phone): "Here's a picture of all the wax she dug out of her ears last week. Can you look in my ears and compare them to that?"

Reliable medical sources

Get 15% off Baby Phat Scrubs with code "phat_savings"

Mr. Gray: "I didn't bring my test results. My grandson said they were fine."

Dr. Grumpy: "Is he a doctor?"

Mr. Gray: "No, he's in high school. But he volunteers at the hospital."

Moron!

All right. Let's say you want to commit an armed robbery.

Before mugging someone would you consider it a good idea to fill out a detailed job application at the crime scene?

If you said "yes", then congratulations. You made Dr. Grumpy's blog.

Here's the article. And thank you, Shannon, for sending this in.

Phone message, Sunday night, 9:55 p.m.

"Hi, this is Myra Noshow. I'm reviewing my calenders, and found I missed an appointment with Dr. Grumpy on July 25, 2007, at 1:30. I just called to say I'm sorry. Thank you."

More amazing research

Yes, folks, in a study that's going to shock you, the Journal of Psychological Science is reporting that psychopaths have:

(drumroll, please)

Difficulty with social behaviors!

Really. They did a study to learn this.

Here's the article.

Thank you, Doris, for sending this in!

Grumpy, reversed

Obviously, I can only tell the story from the office side of patient interactions. But weirdness goes both ways, as my reader Webhill recently wrote me:


I was at home last week, when my phone rang.

Webhill: "Hello?"

Miss Hyper: "Hi! I'm calling from Dr. Nutstaff's office to remind you of your appointment tomorrow."

Webhill: "Huh? I don't have an appointment with Dr. Nutstaff tomorrow. It's on Thursday.".

Miss Hyper: "Oh, yeah. Whenever it is. I'm calling about it."

Webhill: "Okay, what about it?"

Miss Hyper: "I'm calling to remind you about it."

Me: "Okay... Anything else?"

Miss Hyper: "Nope! See you tomorrow!"

Webhill: "I don't have an appointment tomorrow!"

Miss Hyper: "I was just saying that. You know what I mean. When did you say you're appointment is?"

Webhill: "Thursday at 11:30."

Miss Hyper: "Yes, whenever it is. I just wanted to call and remind you."

Webhill: "Thank you for reminding me."

Miss Hyper: "You're welcome. Have a nice day."

Great pharmacy moments

I stopped by the pharmacy last night to pick up my Sarcasma prescription, and was waiting in line.


Mrs. Scope: "I have a few questions about this."

Cash register girl: "Sure. Why don't you step over to the counseling window for privacy, and the pharmacist will be right with you?"

Mrs. Scope: "Oh, for crying out loud. You just handed me a humungous plastic Golytely container. Unless everyone else in line is blind, they've figured out what I'm having next week."