Saturday, March 28, 2026

Informed

In these difficult times, I find one of the best way to relax is to read the news every night.

Of course, I don't read the modern news - it's too depressing and stressful. Instead, I subscribe to the British Newspaper Archive and every night I read an edition from that.

In these difficult times, I cannot overemphasize the importance of keeping up on the latest news, gossip, and social announcements of Victorian England. You snooze, you lose, as they say, and I certainly don't want to miss out on anything of importance.

For example, who among us wouldn't want to be in the know about this item?

 


 

  I'm pretty sure these guys will be there:

P.S. Miss you Malcolm and Bon.

Sunday, March 15, 2026

Public Service Announcement

So, recently, the internet has been peppered with all kinds of clickbait about Alzheimer's disease (and dementia in general), most of which (shocker) are less-than-accurate.

Having been a practicing neurologist (AKA "brain doctor") for 30 years, and having personally owned a brain for even longer, I feel like I'm a unique position to address these.

Let's look at some:

 


Okay, people, there is absolutely NOT a word that, when you can't say it, means you have the beginning of Alzheimer's disease. It's horse hockey. Even if the idea had some truth (which it doesn't) consider this: the ad is in English. Alzheimer's is a universal human condition, so for this to be true would also mean that the mystery word (I'm not going to play clickbait just to find out what it claims it is) is the same across all languages. Let's also keep in mind that the original patient diagnosis Auguste Deter, didn't even speak English. She was a German seamstress.

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On the opposite side is this:


Just like there isn't something you can't say meaning you have Alzheimer's disease, there also isn't anything you can say that means you do. No, I didn't click to see what they were, either. I'm not giving them the clickbait money. For all I know it's "avadeh kedavra."

Also, one of them definitely isn't going to be "I think I have Alzheimer's." Most patients who come in and say that usually are more worried-well than anything else.

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All of these, inevitably, tie into them trying to sell you certain foods or supplements or whatever that they claim will cure or prevent Alzheimer's disease. Of course, they make it sound it like there's something easy to avoid:

 
Since it's click bait they won't tell you what the "common ingredients" are (they want the click money), but, speaking as a neurologist, I can tell you that I've never "pleaded" with anyone to stop using anything - especially the pictured Diet Coke (it's pretty hard to tell people not to drink it when my desk is littered with empty cans). As a doctor I may recommend doing something, but whether you do - or do not - your call it is.

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Let's have a look at this lady:

 

I'm pretty sure there's no "Sweet Poison" - or anything else- you put in your coffee that turns it into "liquid dementia" and if it is, I'm probably screwed, too.

Let's take a look at the picture. There is nothing I (or most people) put in my morning coffee that I also drink straight from a bottle like grandma there. The bottle she's holding doesn't even look like one coffee, sweetener, or creamer comes in. In fact, it looks more like Jack Daniels (or his cousin, Jim Beam).

Face it: if you're putting either JD or JB in your coffee every morning, you have a problem, and if you're chugging it straight from the bottle, like Grandma America here, you definitely are at risk of alcoholic dementia. But you probably didn't need me, or a clickbait ad, to tell you that.

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Then there's this fellow, who somehow ended up in two clickbait pics. For some reason a lot of these bits (including the one at the top above) show elderly folks in military uniforms. They also like to show them with their mouths open, as if they have really bad nasal congestion.



Gotta love that phrase "Bottled Alzheimer's." Regardless of what these things claim, there is no such thing. While I'm sure there is some neurologist, somewhere, who they paid to say that, none of the many neurologists I know here in Grumpyville call anything that, or have even heard the phrase outside of these ads.

Although "Bottled Alzheimer's" would make a great band name. Maybe "Sweet Poison," too.

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Then there's the ones that show specific foods, just to scare you:

 




Not sure why the headline about one picture showing foods neurologists want you to avoid shows Diet Coke and the other shows a steak, waffle fries, and blueberries, but there you are.

"Brain Plaque on A Spoon" probably wouldn't make a good band name, unless it was shortened to "BPS Brainwagon" or something like that.

For the record blueberries, nuts, and salmon, which are pictured, do have some evidence behind them for health in general. They certainly aren't miracle cures for anything, but are still good for you. That said, if I'm going out for a steak, I'm still going to have it smothered with mushrooms, not blueberries.

Honey has some health benefits as well, but IS NOT A CURE for Alzheimer's disease, regardless of what the internet says. If you've been suckered into watching videos showing Dr. Sanjay Gupta claiming it is, and interviewing celebrities endorsing it... none of it is real. They're deep fake videos made using digital likenesses. Don't believe me, look it up yourself if you want.

Here are the facts, people:

1. There is no food that causes, or cures, Alzheimer's disease. It would be nice if it were that simple. It's not.

2. There is nothing you can buy over the internet, or at the drugstore, that will cure it, either.

3. There are a handful of prescription medications that can slow it down for several months. That's the best we can do right now. Do I like saying that? No. But it's the truth, regardless of what the glitzy TV ads claim. This isn't a bad thing - it's better than when I started practice - but it's not a miracle.

4. Every treatment for every disease we have today came from somewhere. So I encourage interested people to consider clinical trials for neurological (or any) disorder. I hear all the worries - What if it doesn't work? What if I get the placebo? What if it's dangerous? - and I understand.

But if we're going to find a cure, that's where it's going to come from. Not some miracle revelation that mixing Bisquick, Crisco, celery, and Jack Daniels is going to cure you and can be ordered, already bottled, for only $99.95.







 






Monday, February 23, 2026

Attitude

Dr. Grumpy: "Let me update your med list... Are you still taking Diazastatin 40mg a day?"

Mr: Hatt: "I'm taking Diazastatin 0.0014 ounces per day."

Dr. Grumpy: "It comes in milligrams. Do you happen to have the bottle?"

Mr. Hatt: "Nope, it's at home. You do the math if you want to know."

Dr Grumpy: "Okay... Are you still taking Smegosartan?"

Mr. Hatt: "Yes, do you want to know the ounces?"

Dr. Grumpy: "I..."

Mr. Hatt: "I'm sick of you people trying to cram the metric system down my throat. This is America."

Dr. Grumpy: "Sir, medicine, with a few rare exceptions, has always used milligrams for dosing. This isn't a political statement."

Mr. Hatt: "Well, now it's time for We The People to take our country back from your kind's bullshit. I'm doing my medications in ounces or not at all."

Friday, February 13, 2026

When the moon is in the seventh house

Dr. Grumpy: "So, the brain MRI looked okay. How have you been doing since the last visit?"

Ms. Dixon: "Did it confirm that I'm an Aquarius?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Excuse me?"

Ms. Dixon: "The brain MRI. Did it confirm that I'm an Aquarius?"

Dr. Grumpy: "That's not part of the MRI, or my field. I think it's based on your birthday. How have you..."

Ms. Dixon: "Nonsense. The MRI must be able to confirm things of that importance. Otherwise, what's the point of doing the study at all?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh..."

Ms. Dixon: "Besides, Madam Irene told me the MRI can do that sort of thing. She should know. She went to a special school to learn about such things. She has a diploma."

Dr. Grumpy: "To get back to my question, how have your symptoms been doing?"

Ms. Dixon: "I'm not happy that you aren't answering MY question. Can you print up the MRI report? I'd rather just take it to Madam Irene and talk to her."

Saturday, January 24, 2026

Mary's Desk

Tuesday afternoon

 

Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."

Ms. Loid: "This is Amy Loid, and I want to cancel all my future appointments with Dr. Grumpy!"

Mary: "Okay, I can do that, let me..."

Ms. Loid: "He told me and my family that I have Alzheimer's disease, and now they won't let me drive! I'm going to get a second opinion from someone competent!"

 

click

 

Thursday morning

 

Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."

Ms. Loid: "This is Amy Loid. I need to make an appointment to see Dr. Grumpy, I need to find a new neurologist."

Mary: "Uh... I...  okay, let me check with the doctor about this, we're, um, busy with the new year and all."

Ms. Loid: "I hope he'll take my case. I really need a second opinion. The last neurologist I saw was a bozo who said I had Alzheimer's and shouldn't be driving."

 
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